Page 34 of A Scandalous Love for the Enticing Duke
“Unsolicited, howbeit, I cannot deny the truth in them. I did not think of it that way. I shall take caution next time.”
“No. let us hope that there will be no next time. Except of course, it shall be I, making another night journey.”
“A foolhardy one, if I may be so bold to say. I shall beg you not to attempt such escapade anymore. Anyone could have seen you hanging outside of my window, then it would have truly been a disaster. And what if you had slipped, fallen, and broken your neck? We would have awoken to your dead body on the morrow, I declare!”
Nicholas grinned, feeling a profound happiness at the concern he could hear in her voice. She worried about him, that much was obvious, and if she did, it only meant that she cared about him. Deeply enough to spur such apprehension.
“Well, having you cry over my dead body would be worth dying, a thousand times over. The only thing that would come close is how kissing you had felt.”
Chapter 23
Eleanor’s breath held. She had known letting him stay would be a huge blunder but had not been able to send him away with that blow to his head. Now, a few minutes had lengthened to almost an hour, and here they were. Though she could not deny that his presence had been immensely enjoyable for her, she knew it was time for him to leave, especially since this conversation had just taken a very dangerous route. She cleared her throat and wet her lips which suddenly felt dry. There was no way she was letting this conversation continue, not when he was so closely seated to her, on her bed, in her bedchambers!
“I am afraid I do not know what you speak of, My Lord.” The use of a title had been deliberate, and when she saw him cock his brow, she knew she had been successful in passing her message across. Perhaps, not so successful for before she knew it, a big grin stole across his lips, revealing a perfect set of dentition. Then what she had feared happened, he shifted closer.
“You do not know what I speak of? That kiss we thoroughly delighted in at the McCaulays’ library?”
Instantly, a memory flashed through her mind, her lips pressed against Nicholas as she let him ravish her. Still, she denied. “What kiss?”
“Your memory fails you still? Well, allow me to remind you. I do believe it began with me rendering you utterly speechless and ended with you running away from this thing between us.”
Oh, she could remember. She could remember quite too well. That was the problem, wasn’t it? She looked away for she could bear to look anywhere but at him. Those thunderclouds would pull her in again, just like his words were slowly doing, and soon, she would lose every sense of reasoning. “Mayhap, my memory has just begun to serve me well. Although, it remains foggy – as it should, My Lord. I have erased that event from my memory, and I would you did too. We must forget it ever happened if we must move on with our lives.”
“But how can I, My Lady? How can I when it’s been in my head like a festering plague ever since it happened. I have been able to think of little else.”
He shifted, moving closer to her, and her breath itched. She did not want to have him any closer. Could not stand the way he appealed to her senses. Yet, she knew that when Nicholas was on a mission, there was no stopping him. Now, she wished she had let him go out her window in the first place.
“Do not say those words to me, Nicholas. You seemed to have had plenty of time to plan your proposal and pick out gifts for your fiancée.” She had to remember that, constantly, tirelessly. He had made his choice, and it had not been her.
“Back to Nicholas, are we? Yes. I declare that that is much better. As for the matter of my engagement to Agnes, believe me, Eleanor, if I truly had a choice, I would have chosen you a thousand times over. The matter is out of my hands. You must trust it.”
“You speak things of deceit. We all have choices. You are a man – if you insisted on whom you claim your heart prefers, no one would refuse your desires. However, that is beside the point. My sister has been unmarried for too long. If she has agreed to marry you, then she must feel something for you. I wish to see her happy. No matter how much I hurt, I must give my blessings and respect your union.”
He was already so close to her, so close that he only had to reach out and cradle her cheeks with his right hand. As he stroked her soft flesh with his thumb, the dryness she had felt on her lips moved to her throat, beyond that, her body burned all over, especially where he touched. Her stomach warmed, feeling all fluttery like she had butterflies in it. Her heart thudded steadily against her ribcage. She was held captive by his eyes, weak against his touch. What was it about this man that affected her so? He sighed, and again, she tore her eyes away.
“You care for your sister, Eleanor, and I admire that, greatly. However, you must not think that Agnes has taken a fancy to me. I have seen the look of love in enough eyes to know what it is akin to. Your sister is not smitten, at least not by me. I have a feeling neither of us are terribly pleased by this engagement, but we must go through with it. I speak no lies, Eleanor, and I have a feeling you know that. My father lies on his deathbed, and his only wish is that I marry the eldest Birmingham daughter.”
Upon hearing the news of his father, she gasped, returning her gaze to his. She had no idea. Given, she did not k now the Duke so well, but he had looked just fine when she met him at the Fortham ball. Her heart instantly went out to Nicholas. She never could ask him to go against a dying man’s wishes.
“Now you see why I must do this?”
She bobbed her head as she reached for the hand which was still on her left cheek. She palmed it with hers, empathising with his pain. “I do. Nicholas, I apologise. I am so sorry. I had no idea.” He gave her a sad smile, and she ached for him.
“We are choosing to have hope. He may yet pull through this; nevertheless, if he doesn’t …”
“You have to fulfil his wishes, anyway.”
“Precisely. Now, you understand, do you not? I pray thee, do not consider for a moment that I speak lies when I profess my feelings for you. Here.” He grabbed her hand and pressed it to his chest. She did nothing, only listened as she felt his beating heart against her hand. It was powerful, and it beat wildly, having no rhythm, just like hers did any time he was around. In the still of the night, in this dead silence, she could hear its music. Awed, she pressed her hand closer, and he released his grip on it. He could not make this up. So, she truly affected him so? She looked up at him, her astonishment written all over her face.
“Feel what you do to me, Eleanor. Feel it. Only you can do this to me, only you. I am falling in love with you, Eleanor. There is nothing to be done about it. I cannot help myself. Every moment I am with you, I never want to leave. I only want to do this.”
His eyes fell to her lips, and hers fell to his. He moved closer, and everything stilled. She knew what was to come, and despite how wrong she knew this was, she could not bring herself to not want it. At the very least, she could try to stop him, a voice whispered in her head. It was right. Finding her voice before her resolve totally weakened, she croaked out, “Don’t. We mustn’t.” It was a weak plea, barely a whisper, and she knew she had lost this war before it begun. She had lost it since she saw him by her window, since her heart melted upon finding out he had gone through all that trouble for her.
He was so much closer now. So close that only her hand divided their chests. His breath fanned her face as he searched her eyes, seeing her truth.
“Just one word, Eleanor. If you asked me to stop, I would, right this moment and leave.”
This was it – this was her way out. If she asked for him to stop, he would. He would leave and hopefully would never bother her again. She opened her mouth to say the magic word but surprised herself.
