Page 20 of A Scandalous Love for the Enticing Duke
Heartbreak. Eleanor had heard of it, read of it so often, but never in her biggest imaginings, had she ever thought she would experience it. Still, here she was, standing in the corner, invisible to everybody, as her world crumbled down to pieces. She wanted to believe it could not be; however, she could not dismiss the fist holding on tightly to her heart, causing an ache in her chest. How was this even happening? What madness was this?
Suddenly needing to get away from here, to breathe, she walked to her mother.
“Mother,” she called out, and had to repeat it two times more, before Victoria heard her. Even her mother had been so carried away watching her sister warm up to the man who had finally given her ideal man a name. Everyone was so invested in watching him offer compliments to her sister and look at her like she was the only woman in the word when only a few minutes ago, she had been the recipient of all of those. His eyes had held enough sincerity that she had let herself believe them. Believe that she was not the only one in this attraction.
“Yes dear, is there a problem?”
“I am not feeling too well.” It did not take much effort to make her voice sound like she was indeed, ailing. For she was, though it was more emotional than physical.
That got her mother’s attention, for she fully turned towards her, disentangling her arms from her father’s.
“Oh dear! You do look pale. What exactly is wrong?” Victoria placed the back of her palm to her forehead to feel for a fever. Embarrassed for everyone was now looking at her, Eleanor flushed, and that added to the trick.
“Uh-oh. You feel a bit warm too. Let’s get you home in a hurry. Do you think you can manage to walk?”
“Yes, Mother. Perfectly well. I just need to lie down and rest my head. It hurts terribly, is all.”
“In that case, we shall do just that. Williams, send for the carriage, please. Louis, you shall go with her. Someone has to remain to chaperone her sisters. We cannot cut short everyone’s time at the ball for her.” By everyone, Eleanor was aware her mother was speaking for herself. Before Louis would get to her, she lifted her hands, telling her to halt. Anyone but Louis.
“I can manage. Louis does not need to come along. I can do fine on my own. If I need anything, I can always call for Leah or Rachel.”
“Nonsense! I cannot let you sit in the coach alone. What if something happens on the ride? Williams, do talk some sense into her.”
“I will take her, Victoria. You remain with the girls, and Louis.”
Eleanor heaved a breath of relief as her father made the announcement. She did feel bad to be taking her father away from the ball for such a silly reason, but she would pick him over Louis or her mother, anytime.
“Thank you, Father.”
“Hush. I’ve got you sweetheart. Come here.”
She leaned into her father because she needed to be held, and she always enjoyed being held by him. He made her feel so safe, always. She was aware that her and her sisters were lucky to have him as a father. Not many had such fortune, and she treasured it with all her heart.
As he escorted her out, concerns were shown, well wishes flowed, and she even saw Nicholas make a move towards her, just before her father held her. She avoided his gaze still, even when she could feel the burning holes into her back. She was not certain she could keep it together if she looked at him.
Soon, they were out of Fortham House entirely and inside their carriage, on their way home. She finally could breathe, and relief swept through her as she took in lungfuls of fresh air. The ache in her heart was still there, but it was slowly losing its hold on her. For that, she felt thankful. They soon arrived at their town house, and her father helped her out of the carriage. The moment they stepped into the house, she announced that she was feeling much better and was going straight to bed.
“Are you certain? I was hoping to call for the physician,” came her father’s concerned response. It warmed her heart, and she wished she could share what ailed her.
“That won’t be necessary, Father. I insist, I feel so much better. It must have just been a fluke, probably the food or the crowd, or something, but I feel so much better now. The ride back helped a great deal.”
“Well, in that case, I shall release you to go up to get some rest. Do not hesitate to call for me if you need anything. Do you understand?”
“Absolutely. Thank you, Father.”
He caressed her cheeks as he bid her goodnight, and she found her way to her room.
Her maids were with her as soon as she stepped into her private chambers. They helped her out of the contraptions called ball gowns into a night dress her body instantly loved. She washed off the make-up from her face and sat still as they loosened her hair from the tight bun and made it into two French twists. As soon as they were done, she crawled on to her bed and buried herself under her sheets.
There, she gave herself a sound sermon. Whatever happened with Nicholas, including how he made her feel, she had to forget. This was more than her. This was about Agnes who seemed to really like him. She was aware of all that was at stake. This could very much be her sister’s last chance at getting a suitor. She could not afford to be selfish for she loved Agnes, more than she liked the man who she had only just met.
Agnes needed this to work out, for she was already well beyond marriageable age. Above and beyond, the sooner Agnes got married, the sooner Isabelle would too. It did not matter if Nicholas had flirted with her – because he had. Still, he had not make any slightly inappropriate comment in all the time she had been in that enclosed space with her. He had not looked at her in a way that made her feel uncomfortable as many men did. He was a good man; despite her grievance towards him, she knew this. Agnes was a good woman too and deserved all the good things she could get. It was only a pity that she could not be with the first man she would ever feel something for. Nonetheless, that was life. It was not fair, it was not rosy, and it was not a novel filled with happy endings. She had to forget Nicholas for good, get over her silly feelings, and learn to be genuinely happy for Agnes.
It did not matter that Nicholas had more knowledge about “Persuasion” than she did. It did not matter if he made her laugh genuinely, without a thought for propriety with his intelligent jokes. It did not matter that even now, when she closed her eyes, she could see his eyes twinkle as he argued with her over “Dear Jane.” No. She would not think of his beautiful eyes, and the way his touch had felt when his hand brushed hers, as they swapped books. Of the sensation she had felt fuss in her veins as he kissed the back of her eyes, holding her eyes with his thunderclouds. Yes, indeed, Nicholas Stamford was a fine man. The man of her dreams, but she would not think of him that way. She was young still, and there had to be another man who would make her feel all of these things out there. And if there was not, she would simply change her dreams.
With this resolve, she closed her eyes and let sleep take her under. Just before midnight, she felt her door open, and her father’s presence. Like her mother had done, he felt for her temperature, and when he was satisfied there was no cause for alarm, he placed a tender kiss on her cheeks, and quietly tiptoed away. Basking in the affection of this man whom she knew would always love her, a secret smile stayed on her lips till she awoke the next morning.
Chapter 14
