Page 64 of Under the Seductive Ladys Charm
Graham waited as Miss Browne dismounted before he took their horses’ reins.
Miss Browne frowned. “I do not think it right that you ride while we take the carriage.”
“Trust me. It will be more peaceful if I ride,” Graham assured her. Reluctantly the young woman joined Amanda who was already waiting in the carriage.
*
Amanda fumed all the way home. Her brother had made her look like a fool. Her eyes cut to Charlotte as they neared Berwick Manor.
“Why do you look so glum? You had given up on the prospect of marriage and yet here is an opportunity,” Amanda said to her gloomy friend.
Charlotte looked at Amanda as if she had forgotten she was there for a moment. Her face held nothing of relief in it. She gave a soft laugh. “I suppose you think me foolish for not being overjoyed by the prospect of marrying a man whose affections turn on a dime.”
“When spoken in that manner, it does not sound very appealing. The situation with the scandal might limit your prospects.” Amanda softened her words with a sympathetic smile and a hand on Charlotte’s arm.
Charlotte sighed heavily. “I know that I should be grateful I even potentially have someone who might marry me. To have someone of his status willing is something I should want. But I do not know if I can marry a man that I cannot trust.”
“You are to be a spinster then? I have seen you with those brats at the vicarage. You would make a wonderful mother.” Amanda gave her arm a squeeze. “Perhaps my brother could seek out a match. Surely there might be others who would be tempted by a dowry.”
Charlotte laughed, but the sound of it was not amused. Her laughter held bitterness. Amanda had never thought her friend had the capacity for such a dark emotion. “I have had quite enough of the charity that society has to offer. I would rather make my own way, even if that means spending years tending to Mrs. Wilson’s brood.”
“Graham would never treat you as I have,” Amanda assured Charlotte. “My brother is many things, but he is not without a merciful heart.”
Charlotte shook her head. “I suppose it was a mercy showing me that Lord Stanhope would marry me in such a manner?”
“I think Graham’s aims were more to pay me back for how I have behaved as of late.” Amanda pleaded with her, “Do not write Graham off. He will help you. I know he would.”
Charlotte’s eyes left Amanda and went to the carriage window. Somewhere out there, riding in front of the carriage, was Graham. Amanda wondered what her brother would say about her offering Charlotte help once again. Yet, was she not supposed to act with charity toward others? Graham did not directly say that it was wrong for Amanda to make promises in Graham’s stead, but she was sure that her brother would make the same offer.
They fell into silence and upon reaching the manor Amanda let Charlotte out of the carriage first. Graham was embroiled in a conversation with the steward as soon as they arrived. Amanda did not mind that. It gave her the perfect opportunity to slip past him and into the house.
Once she was home, she told the housekeeper to show Charlotte to a room. As soon as that was done, Amanda excused herself to go upstairs. She walked into her bedroom and found Katrina waiting nervously.
“Miss, I am so glad to see you are well!” Katrina clasped her hands together and it warmed Amanda’s heart to see the genuine relief etched on the girl’s face.
Amanda gave Katrina a smile. “I went to visit with Charlotte.”
Katrina whispered, “I heard from the maids what happened with Lord Easterly. Did you work things out?”
“Well, I am not marrying Lord Stanhope,” Amanda said with a sigh. “I see the question already forming on your face and I really don’t know what to say to them. Let us just say that Lord Stanhope showed his true colours and I did not think they suited me.”
Katrina frowned and came over to put her arm around Amanda’s shoulders. “You can do better than him. Always thought he was a bit pompous.”
Amanda nodded. “Yes. You are right.” Amanda yawned and laughed. “I guess my adventure has left me more fatigued than I thought.”
“Then you should rest. We can talk again tomorrow if you wish,” Katrina gave Amanda’s shoulders a squeeze. “Let’s get you out of this dress and ready for bed.”
Thankfully Katrina worked swiftly and silently, and soon Amanda was left in her room in her nightgown. She sighed in relief at finally being alone. There were only so many things that she was willing to show others and it was difficult to keep them inside.
She collapsed onto the bed. As she lay hugging her pillow, the tears ran hot and salty over her cheeks and dampened her pillow. Amanda was not mourning the version of Lord Stanhope she had dismissed angrily in the street. She was mourning the man she had thought he was.
That lovely, funny and attentive man had caught her heart. Amanda felt foolish. What if Graham was right and she was not truly ready for marriage?
“What if I am never ready?” Amanda asked the question to the pillow that held her tears. It did not offer any ready suggestions. Amanda sat up and tossed the pillow away from her. It landed against the wall and lay there. “Serves you right,” Amanda told it.
She lay back down on the bed and sighed. The ceiling looked the same as it had since she was a child. Yet somehow it looked different tonight. That ceiling looked worn. Had it looked like that this morning?”
Maybe she had just never taken the time to look at it properly. Amanda wiped a tear from her cheek. It infuriated her that she was wasting tears over that scoundrel, but the sadness would let her do nothing else.
