Page 9 of The Burning Passion of a Fiery Lady
“I am as well as can be expected,” she said cautiously. “It was such a shock … and now, it is dealing with the aftermath. Of being alone, in this huge house. It was not something that I ever expected would happen to me.”
He nodded. “To be a widow, so young, would be a shock.” He hesitated, staring at her gravely. “But is it not a relief, as well, considering how he treated you?”
She blanched a little. “What have you heard?” She should have known that her parents would not keep such information to themselves. That they had gossiped about her, to their neighbours, long before Gilbert had left this Earth.
“Do not be angry, Susannah,” he said gently. “I only say it because of our old friendship. We used to be able to talk about anything, and I would like you to know that you can still confide in me, in just the same way. I will not judge you.”
She blinked back sudden tears. She had been wearing the burden of it all for so long, and to hear such kind words was almost overwhelming.
“It is true,” she said slowly, biting her lip to stop the tears falling. “My marriage was … problematic. It had been hard for a long time.” She hesitated, trying to find the right words. “Gilbert was a difficult man to live with. He was very moody, and he would accuse me of being flirtatious with other men, in a wild manner …”
Her voice drifted away. A lump had formed in her throat. Suddenly, she could hear her late husband’s voice, reaching her from the grave. Shouting at her, in this very room, accusing her of flirting … and more. It had happened often, and with increasing frequency, in the last year of his life.
Her chest tightened. She felt panicky, even speaking of him in such a manner as if he might still walk through the door. As if he might hear her and make her suffer for it. She exhaled slowly, trying to calm herself. He was gone. This was her home, now, and she could speak to anyone she chose, in any manner.
But her skin still prickled on the back of her neck. She could still feel him, sometimes. Was it his ghost? Did it lurk these hallways, still spying on her?
Leonard leaned forward, taking her hand. “I heard the rumours about him, my dear, and I am so sorry that they were true. Talk of his cruelty to you carried as far away as Lincolnshire.” He frowned, his face darkening. “To think that he could treat you in such a way! A woman who deserves the world!”
Susannah trembled. Was she being disloyal, in speaking so frankly about her marriage, to this man, who used to once be a friend? It was still so hard to know, still so murky, and her feelings about Gilbert still veered wildly from day to day. Sometimes, she would still remember when he had been the charming, charismatic man she had fallen in love with and married, and her heart would ache with longing. But other days, the reality of the man he had become would overshadow her, making it difficult to do anything.
“I am glad you are finally free of it,” he whispered, his dark eyes gleaming. “I am glad that you are free to follow your heart now, my dear. That you are free to make your own life now.”
Susannah gazed at him, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. Perhaps she had spoken too freely with Leonard. That lingering feeling of disloyalty rose again, almost choking her.
Shehadloved her husband once upon a time. It had slowly withered over the years. But right up until the end, she had hoped and prayed that the man she had married would come back to her. That he was still there, beneath the surface, and that if she only found a way, he would return to her, and she could love him again.
She stared at Leonard. He was too forceful in his opinions; even Amy, who was privy to her innermost thoughts on her marriage, was circumspect, usually just letting her talk, and listening. Amy had known all of it, anyway; she had been here and heard the way Gilbert treated her. Amy had been a witness to it all and had stood by her, comforting her when it had all become too hard.
Leonard’s hand squeezed hers tightly. “I still remember our young love, Susannah, as if it were yesterday. Do you?”
She gazed at him, stupefied, and suddenly so uncomfortable that it took all her willpower not to stand up and walk out of the room, this very minute.
“Leonard,” she said slowly. “It is not appropriate for you to talk to me in such a way. My husband has not been gone even a year. I am still in mourning, as you can see …”
But it was as if he hadn’t even heard her; as if she hadn’t even spoken, at all. His grip tightened further, and his eyes were shining with a fierce light.
“I have waited for you for years, Susannah,” he whispered. “I can wait longer, until your official period of mourning is over …”
She pulled her hand away quickly, her heart beating fast. This was veering in a direction that she hadn’t anticipated, and she was at a loss to know what was the best way to handle it.
She gazed at him in dismay. Hehadbeen a good friend to her, once upon a time. They had grown up on neighbouring properties, but they had not grown close until they were in their middle teen years.
She had always thought of him as a friend; as the brother she had never had. He was protective of her, advising her about gentlemen and how to handle them if they pursued her, but she had never thought that he felt romantically about her, until he had blurted it out one day.
She had been shocked, trying to let him down gently, telling him that she would never feel that way about him. He had refused to listen to her, at first. Every day, he would send her gifts or try to see her. It was only because she liked him so much, as a friend, that she had tolerated it. She still hadn’t wanted to break his heart entirely, and besides, she hadn’t wanted to lose him.
But then, Gilbert Drake had stepped into her life. Or rather, he had danced into it, turning it upside down. She had met him at a local dance; he had been staying with friends in Lincolnshire, for a short time.
It had been a whirlwind courtship – they had both fallen wildly and deeply in love and known that they were destined for each other. Within a month, he had proposed and asked her father for her hand in marriage.
And it had only been another six months before he had moved her here, to his home on the borders of England and Wales. To this remote spot, far away from the world. She had thought it would be their love idyll. She had thought that they would fill this large house with children, and they would live blissfully here forever.
She had been very young, and she had been very wrong.
Leonard had never accepted that she had fallen in love and was leaving Lincolnshire. His disappointment had been palpable. Something had happened that had broken their friendship. And she had been so wrapped up in Gilbert that it was as if he were the sun and the moon entire.
Her face burnt. She had barely thought about Leonard, in all the years since. But then, she had been fighting for survival. Lincolnshire had seemed a lifetime ago, so very far away, that it hadn’t seemed real anymore, somehow.
