Page 17 of The Burning Passion of a Fiery Lady
Impulsively, she got her black cloak, putting it over her long white nightdress. On nights like this, when she couldn’t sleep, she would often steal out of the house, and wander the grounds. The exercise would stem her restlessness, and when she returned to her bed, she could finally sleep soundly.
The house was as quiet as a graveyard as she crept down the stairs, opening the back door, and letting herself out into the night. A gentle breeze caressed her face, and her hair streamed behind her. For a moment, she closed her eyes, relishing the sensation. It was almost like swimming in a cool stream.
Slowly, she made her way through the grounds, the grass soft beneath her bare feet. She knew exactly where she was going – the Stables. That was where she always ended up, on these night-time rambles. Being with the horses somehow soothed her, as much as the walking.
Silently, she opened the stable gate. She knew exactly where she needed to go. Usually, she avoided this particular horse, but tonight, she knew that it was time to put it finally to rest.
Blitzen. She needed to speak to her husband’s horse.
He was awake, standing silently, gazing at her, as she opened his stable door. She gasped. He was a magnificent horse; imperious, standing so high, and as black as the night.
“Hello, boy,” she whispered, stroking his glossy nose. “I know that we have not been friends lately. I am sorry.” Her voice caught in her throat.
He kept gazing at her, his brown eyes gentle. The nervous restlessness he had been displaying recently was not in evidence. He seemed calm and willing to let her speak to him.
“You do not have to be scared anymore,” she whispered, blinking back tears. “You are a good horse, Blitzen. I will not sell you or send you away …”
There was a slight rustle behind her, near the stable door. She turned around. A tall figure was standing there, watching her.
She let out a strangled gasp. It was Jasper Stone.
“Susannah,” he said, into the silence.
She gazed at him, not blinking. Somehow, his use of her Christian name didn’t startle her, not in the least. From his lips, it seemed natural, and normal. Vaguely, she wondered how he knew it. She hadn’t told him. He must have asked the servants.
He took a step forward. “Why are you here?”
She smiled slightly. “I could ask you the same … Jasper.”
He smiled crookedly. “I could not sleep …”
“Neither could I,” she whispered. He was standing so close she could reach out and touch him. “I often come here when I cannot sleep …”
Suddenly, she wanted to tell him everything. Sheneededto tell him everything.
“I have always done so,” she said slowly, blinking back tears again. “Even when my husband was alive.” She swallowed painfully. “On nights when I wanted to escape his anger, or spend some time by myself, thinking things over …”
His gaze was intense. “He was cruel to you, wasn’t he?”
She nodded slowly. The tears that had been threatening since she had first entered the stable suddenly fell. She could feel them, wet and hot, sliding down her face. But she didn’t even try to stop them. Somehow, crying seemed natural and normal in front of him, as well.
“He was,” she replied slowly. “I loved him, at the start. I loved him so much. I thought that we would be happy forever.” She paused. “But after we married, everything started to change. It was slow, at first. An angry word, here and there. A bad mood, which would swiftly go again. But by the time he died, it was constant. I could do nothing to please him, anymore.”
Jasper nodded but didn’t say anything. He seemed to sense her need to unburden herself.
“He would shout at me,” she continued. “He was constantly moody and jealous. He tried to control my every movement. He would get angry if I even walked the grounds without telling him.” She took a deep, ragged breath. “By the end, he wouldn’t even let me leave The Willows, to go into the local village.”
She stared down at the ground for a moment. The tears were still flowing freely, running into her mouth. They tasted warm and salty.
“I thought I could save him,” she said quietly, looking back up at him. “I thought that I could remake him into the man that he once was, the man that I had fallen in love with. I truly believed that I could do it. But now, I will never get that chance.”
Jasper swore softly underneath his breath, stepping closer, so that she could feel his warm breath upon her face.
“You should not torture yourself,” he whispered ardently. “It was not your fault that he behaved in such a way towards you, and there was nothing you could have done to change it.” He gazed at her intently. “I have known men like him before, and I have seen how they treat their wives. The fault lay entirely with him, Susannah. Believe it.”
At his kind words, she sobbed harder, burying her face into her hands. Amy had told her as much, as well, when they had spoken of it. But hearing Jasper Stone say it freed something inside her. She could feel it shift, like a rock, in her chest.
She sobbed harder. It wasn’t my fault. Gilbert would have been the same way with any woman that he married. I did not cause him to become the man that he did.
