Page 48 of The Burning Passion of a Fiery Lady
She barely knew why she was doing it herself. She just knew that she had been filled with a quiet determination. The same determination that had led to the bonfire of her mourning gowns in the field that day.
She knew that she had shocked Amy and all of the staff with her order. It was so … dramatic, and completely unheard of. Usually gowns that were no longer in use were sensibly packed away into trunks, then tucked away in the attic. She didn’t have to look at the gowns again for her whole life if she didn’t want to. She could have left the gowns to mildew and rot, and no one would have batted an eyelid.
But that was not what she had desired.
She had watched the bonfire, of course. From the window near the top of the staircase. She had stood there, gripping the windowsill as the flames grew higher, and thick smoke had filled the air. And when it had died down, she had still stood there, watching the dresses smouldering, turning to ashes.
She had seen Jasper approach it. He had stayed there for a long time. She hoped that he would appreciate the gesture; she hoped that he would understand why she had done it. That she could no longer have those gowns near her, not even far away, in the attic. That she could no longer share the same space with them.
That part of her life was over. It was done. It was as simple as that.
She took a deep breath, turning to Amy. “Do you think I have … overdone it? The dress is not too much?”
Amy smiled. “This isyourhome, Susannah. It does not belong to Gilbert Drake anymore. If you want to have a fine dinner party and dress up, there is no one to stop you. You can do whatever you want.”
Susannah smiled. “Yes, you are right.” She paused. “It is so strange, Amy. All this time, in the months since Gilbert’s death, it is like I have been expecting him back. That I have lived here, half thinking that he would be home, at any moment. The Willows has never felt like it was truly mine. In truth, I have felt like an interloper here, even though itismy home.”
“He is gone,” said Amy, her eyes wide. “He is no longer coming back to The Willows. And you are moving on with your life, exactly as you should be.”
Susannah felt tears spring into her eyes at her friend’s kind words. She was slowly starting to believe them, at long last.
She gazed at the young housekeeper. She had insisted that Amy dress up for the dinner as well, even though she knew that the other staff would think it odd.
Let them think what they wantshe thought, fiercely.
Her friend was wearing a rose-coloured gown, in plain gingham, which contrasted well with her golden hair. She had even lent Amy some subtle jewellery to accompany it. She looked elegant in an understated way.
“Look at you,” she said slowly, her eyes alight. “I am sure that Mr Bragg will not be able to take his eyes off you this evening, Amy.”
The housekeeper blushed slightly. “You are teasing me, of course. Mr Bragg and I are just friendly …”
Susannah smiled knowingly but didn’t say any more. Her friend was obviously uncomfortable with this line of talk. It always amazed her that Amy Lambert was so efficient in her duties as housekeeper, running an entire staff and home with aplomb, but would blush like a young girl at any mention of a young man courting her.
She is only two and twenty, thought Susannah fondly, gazing at her friend.I forget sometimes how young she really is. She seems so much wiser than her years.
She looked at the clock on the mantelpiece. It was ten minutes to six o’clock in the evening. It was almost time to descend the staircase and enter the dining room. She felt suddenly nervous, as if she really were going to a grand dinner party, rather than dining in her own house, just like she always did.
“We should go,” she said quickly.
Amy smiled. “Yes, we should.” She took a deep breath. “You do not need to be nervous, my dear. You look radiant. Mr Stone would have to be blind not to appreciate the effort that you have gone to on his behalf.”
Susannah smiled tremulously. “He deserves it, Amy. After all that he did last night, saving the horses … and David Bragg as well, of course. They both deserve to be spoilt with fine wine and good food, after their bravery.”
Amy nodded. “Indeed they do.” She hesitated. “You have not thought any more about Mr Green and his role in this, whatever that may be?”
Susannah paled. “Mr Green has been on my mind constantly, Amy. Both Mr Stone and I believe that he was the one responsible for letting the horses out … but we have no proof.” She frowned slightly. “I refuse to let him terrorise me in my own home. And I refuse to let him change life at The Willows. If we want to have a grand dinner, then that is what we shall do. I will not think of him at all while we dine.”
“Perhaps he will go away now,” said Amy, uncertainly. “Perhaps letting the horses out was a whim, acted on in the moment because of your refusal to his proposal. Perhaps he has finally seen sense and gone home, never to disturb you again.”
Susannah took a deep breath. “Yes, perhaps. But we shall think of it no more this evening! Leonard Green shall not spoil it.”
They drifted down the stairs, walking towards the dining room. Susannah took Amy’s arm, gripping it tightly. She was nervous at the thought of seeing Jasper again, but the fear had returned as well, nipping at her sharply.
She knew in her gut that Leonard Green would not go home, accepting her rejection, as Amy had suggested. She knew that this was not the last that they would see him. And she honestly didn’t know what they could do about it.
***
Susannah’s eyes swept over the table, carefully assessing. She sighed with satisfaction. The table had been set with her finest silver as she had requested. A pewter candle holder had been placed in the middle of it, with three white candles already lit. Next to that was one of her favourite crystal vases, resplendent with flowers freshly picked from the gardens.
