Page 52 of The Marquis' Game of Seduction
“I mean. When Duncan asked his father, I was very touched. You must understand the immense affection I have for that boy. Over the past weeks, we’ve grown incredibly close. He reminds me a great deal of the little children I grew close to at the orphanage, when I got a bit older and had to teach everyone how to read, how to sew. Duncan has the same sort of lost look in his eyes.”
“Well, he shouldn’t,” Colin insisted. “The boy comes from a great deal of money. If you hadn’t been here, we would have found him another governess. Or I would have taught the boy myself. He has little to do with your world. I should have remembered that.”
Rose nodded. “Perhaps I brought on too much emotion that wasn’t warranted. I understand that. But when Duncan asked his father to bring me on, I answered with enthusiasm—without giving necessary thought to other aspects of my life. And you were there, Colin. My lord, you must understand that I haven’t yet given a final answer. Of course, it would be a viable option for me, should I wish to continue on with my governess positions. But the thought of…”
The thought of leaving this house. The thought of leaving you. The thought of losing you forever—or, perhaps worse, catching glimpses of you when you come to the Thornton’s estate to break bread with them—is wretched for me. I don’t want that life at all. I want this one. With you.
Of course, there was so much that would always remain unsaid.
“I will tell you how I perceive this current situation,” Colin said.
“Please. Yes. I need to finish my blabbing and…” Rose began.
Colin clucked his tongue. Rose pressed her lips together and waited.
“I know you know a great deal about the situation with my sister and her husband, Laurence. That I detest Laurence and find him to be… the root of a great deal of devastation in this house and this family. And when you told him it would be your pleasure to work for him… it was as though you’d taken his side.”
Rose felt her heart take a deep dive into her belly. She held her breath.
“Of course, you know that you can make any decision that you please. You are free to go wherever you wish. Either way, after Amelia sends word that she’s officially well and Duncan can return to his home, you will be dismissed from this house.”
Unlike the time with the wife of the orphanage master, Rose felt full-on tears spring to her eyes. She shook her head and drew back in the chair, clinging to the armrests. She willed for this moment to be only a dream. Once Colin said these words, he couldn’t very well take them back.
“I don’t believe this,” Rose whispered. Frankly, she was surprised she’d even said anything at all. It wasn’t courage. It was idiocy, at this point.
“There isn’t another way,” Colin said. His voice sounded flat and final.
Silence stretched between them. Rose willed herself to rise from her chair, to leap toward the door and run out the back door and race across the moors—to find peace elsewhere and never cast eyes toward the Marquees again. But something kept her there, glued to the chair before him.
“Please. Explain. Explain how…” Rose whispered. Her voice felt like it lost its way on the way to his ears.
Colin glanced toward the bookcase. He looked pained. All the color drained from his cheeks. “I had even considered asking you to be my wife,” he said.
The words were like a slap. Rose sensed the deep, engrained hurt in everything about him—in the tilt of his head and the grit of his voice and the wrinkle between his brows. “It seems that you would prefer to go work in the house of the man who caused me to be estranged from my own sister,” he continued.
Rose stood slowly from her chair. She felt strangely skeletal, as though her bones might break beneath her. She gazed at this man—marveling that she could have been so entirely wrong about him. She stayed up long nights thinking about him, aching for him.
“You’re upset. And you’re being entirely unfair to me,” Rose said. She kept her voice low, as though she was speaking to a child she didn’t wish to frighten.
“No. You showed which side you wish to attend to. That’s what matters in all of this,” he said.
“Need I remind you,” Rose said, “that I begged you for answers about the secrets in this house. I know you’re hiding something. The light in the tower! The little girl! There were so many holes in your story, Colin. And I allowed myself to sideline these issues because—idiot me—I was falling for you. How reckless of me. How simply stupid. I chose to let you get away with all of this. Whatever it is.”
Colin didn’t speak for a moment. Rose recognised that she’d hit him where it counted—in a place he’d assumed she’d forgotten about. After all, his mechanism had involved attempting to convince her she was incorrect about a truth she had seen with her own eyes…
Perhaps he wasn’t the sort of man she should fall for, anyway.
“I hope you find a way to drop that unfortunate belief, Rose,” Colin stammered, his voice bitter. “I hope it consoles you to know that in a few days, you won’t have to think about all of this. You’ll be set aside in a beautiful home, with a loving family by your side. You’ll have Duncan all to yourself—a loving and beautiful child who cares for you and asks you questions and wants to take you home with him, like a toy he discovered at the market. How splendid. After this, you won’t have to meddle with a cold and calculating Marquees with all these secrets. Imagine it, Rose. Imagine how happy you’ll be.”
Tears drew little rivers down Rose’s cheeks. She ducked toward the door, willing herself to come up with some sort of clever retort, anything to reveal the ache and anger and sadness in her heart. But instead, she yanked at the door without turning back around to see Colin. She prayed that she’d never have to look at his face again.
When she was in the hallway, the tears sprung out full-force. She dabbed at her cheeks, trying to ensure she looked at least half-proper before she reached her bedroom. Unfortunately, when she reached the upper landing on the staircase, she nearly tumbled directly into Judith. Judith peered at her with anxious eyes. But it seemed that Rose had caught her in an already tense moment.
“Oh, darling. Hello.” Judith sounded distracted.
Rose tiptoed around her, trying to be careful not to show her face. “I’m terribly sorry, but I must be off somewhere,” she said.
“Of course, dear,” Judith said. She still sounded absentminded. She raced down the stairs, as though she had somewhere quite pressing to be.
