Page 54 of The Marquis' Game of Seduction
“With that in mind, I must ask you to search for the strength for one last fight within yourself. Sleep tonight and wake in the morning to find him. Tell him once more the heaviness of your mind. The intensity of your feelings. Tell him—in no uncertain terms—that you’ve fallen in love with him. Force him to see it in the light of day.”
Rose sniffed. “And what if he refuses me once more?”
“Then you must find a way to press forward. You must find a way to go on without him. It will be the greatest mistake of his life, and I know he will regret it every single day,” Anna said.
Anna prodded Rose to eat her sandwich and her little square of chocolate. Both were almost too flavorful after a day of little food, creating little explosions across Rose’s tongue. When she finished, she drew her head over Anna’s shoulder and closed her eyes and focused on her breath. Just having another human there beside her made all the difference.
When she felt herself drifting toward sleep, Anna slipped up from the mattress and collected the empty plate. She kissed Rose on the cheek and bid her goodnight. Her eyes were somber. Rose didn’t ask, but she knew that Anna was probably fearful that Rose would eventually leave for Duncan’s estate. Rose was Anna’s first actual friend since her arrival at the estate seven years before.
Soon, she would embark into the world, marry Ernest and work alongside him.
All things would change, as they were always meant to. Still, this knowledge made Rose’s heart ache.
But the moment Anna clipped the door closed behind her, Rose’s eyes opened wide once more. She stared straight at the ceiling, her thoughts churning. Why was it that she wasn’t allowed a single moment’s reprieve?
It had been dark for ages. Rose felt sure they were drifting deeper toward midnight. She leaped from her bed and started to pace. She felt both heavy and light, reckless and unsure. There were so many questions yet unanswered, so much time wasted.
As she paced, her eyes raced toward the window. Far past the gardens, the tower was lit up again, just as it had been on the night when the branch had fallen. Rose leaped toward the window and gazed at it, trying to make out any kind of movement.
Whatever was going on out there, it had nothing to do with some “injury” of a worker, a stone falling onto his shoulder. No. There was a reason that Judith had told her that story. They’d wanted her to keep away from the tower, no matter what.
Now, with Colin’s affirmation that she was going to leave the estate anyway, and the end times nigh, Rose leaped toward her shoes and stabbed them on her feet. She wrapped her winter coat around her shoulders and gave a final, longing glance toward the warmth of her bed, before slowly easing out the door and down the hall.
Her motions were slow and soft, ensuring that she didn’t wake up Anna. The last thing she needed just now was more questions. Besides, she could always explain what she found to Anna later.
When Rose reached the bottom floor, she tiptoed toward the back of the mansion, taking extra precautions next to Colin’s study. From the look of things, he was still awake. Candlelight flickered beneath his door. Rose continued toward the back door and ticked it open. A wild gust of winter wind flashed across her cheeks. Her nostrils flared, she pressed forward, her eyes on the glow of the tower.
Very soon, she would discover the secrets of the Kensington Estate. Very soon, she would no longer be their biggest fool.
Chapter 23
Colin had taken all of his meals since his conversation with Rose inside the study, refusing to leave it. He’d hardly been able to meet the eyes of Judith when she’d approached him, asking him why it seemed the governess didn’t wish to come out of her chambers.
His answer—that he hardly knew the mind of the governess, or any governess for that matter—hadn’t been sufficient, but Judith had allowed it anyway. Since then, he’d sat at his desk and stared out the window, marveling at how simple it was to waste the rest of one’s life if one wanted to. He could very well remain in that study, without company or pleasure or love, until he died right there.
It wouldn’t be any kind of life. But what would he care at that point? He’d be long gone.
His chaotic thought processes on this day seemed to yank him forevermore toward a single question: had he overreacted toward Rose? Was it possible that he’d misjudged the situation?
In his heart of hearts, Colin knew one thing most of all: he detested Laurence. When Laurence was involved in any situation, Colin usually found a way to demonize it. It had been this way since the beginning, when he’d come to scoop his sister out of England and take her all the way to the ends of the earth. Laurence’s sarcastic smile and snide, “Wonderful to meet you, my lord,” when he’d first shaken Colin’s hand still chilled Colin’s heart to this day. The man seemed void of any kind of emotion except hatred.
And yet, it seemed that this hadn’t been passed down to his young son. For that, Colin was grateful.
Regardless, watching Rose act so eagerly at being one of Laurence’s employees had sliced him open. He wasn’t sure he could look in Rose’s eyes without seeing this betrayal. Of course, it was fair to say that Rose probably found all of this winding and weaving family drama difficult to follow. She probably hadn’t wanted to tie herself up in any of it.
And if there was anything else Colin knew for sure, it was that their night together had revved with passion. Her softness beneath him, the way she whispered his name—all of it swirled together in his mind to create seemingly endless confusion.
But he continually came back to the same conclusion.
He simply couldn’t live without Rose.
He couldn’t imagine waking in his enormous estate and feeling that lurch in his gut, realising that she was now gone. He couldn’t imagine walking past her bedroom, knowing that it was now empty.
It would be a dark future, one in which he would hear bits and pieces about Rose’s life at the Thornton estate from Duncan and perhaps Amelia, yet wouldn’t be allowed to speak with her himself.
Perhaps this is my last chance at love,he thought then.Perhaps if I don’t forgive her, if I don’t trust what she told me—then I’ll remain a tired and lonely bachelor, a Marquees riddled with constant anxiety. Men who live their lives alone do so without passion. When one peers into their eyes, they see nothing behind them. No love. No glory. Nothing to return to.
Without full knowledge of what he was doing, Colin stood and walked to the door. He hadn’t a clue what time it was, but decided it didn’t matter. He would go to her. He would ask for an apology, take off his shield of arrogance, become someone better. Someone more deserving of her love.
