Page 38 of A Lady's Passion Knows No Distance
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People came and went before Caroline in what appeared to be a blur. All of her visitors said the same words and offered similar bouquets of flowers. Caroline knew that she should be grateful towards Gwendolen and her father, who remained with her the entire time that she saw to her well-wishers. But if Caroline was completely honest with herself, all she could really feel was a numbness in her body and a void where her heart used to be.
It had only been William who had been able to pull her from her state of mind. Being forced to look into his bright blue eyes made her remember that there was still reason to find love in the world. It was that moment she realized that she still had very strong feelings for him.
She desired to be with him, to actually marry him once and for all. But her grief overtook her rational mind. She had acted without thinking, only wanting the comfort from the last person she loved that was still alive.
Embracing William and feeling his arms around her was well worth the spectacle. She’d felt more comfort in that embrace than she had by anything that had been said to her. Caroline wanted to remain in that moment forever, to allow William to hold her and protect her from the dark world. But then his whispers had reminded her that there were others in the room with them and that she needed to not show such affections.
Not even when Lord Canton came to pay his respects did Caroline react in such a way. She looked into his dark eyes and saw nothing in return. His sorrow felt unreal and his words fell on empty ears. She wasn’t sure what her future would hold for her, but she knew with a surety that she did not want to be with Lord Canton. With her parents now gone and unable to voice their disapproval of her, she figured this was a good time to take some risks.
“With the passing of your parents, Miss Caroline, I see it only reasonable that we marry as soon as possible,” Lord Canton had said to her during his visit. She’d furrowed her brows at him, finding the statement quite odd.
“That will not be happening, Lord Canton. I need time to grieve and process this situation. The last thing I want to be thinking about is my wedding when my heart is so empty,” Caroline said honestly.
“I agree with Miss Caroline,” Lord Murphy had spoken up then. “It is not wise to speak about wedding plans when a funeral is to be planned and attended. The matter shall be readdressed after the funeral.”
“With all due respect, Lord Murphy, as her intended, I feel like I have the highest say in these matters. I am unaware of any official guardian that Lord Goldman appointed in the unlikely case of his demise,” Lord Canton said, making Caroline start to really dislike the man.
“And until an official guardian comes forth, or any other living relative, I shall take this duty very seriously, since Lord and Lady Goldman entrusted me with her safety while in town. Now, Miss Caroline has many other visitors to receive this morning. I encourage you to be on your way,” Lord Murphy said.
Caroline noted the tone of his voice and how high it raised in volume as he spoke. She looked at Lord Canton then and saw that his eyes had grown wide with surprise. She smirked, thinking it was a good look on him.
“Very well,” Lord Canton said as he stood. He then bowed before Caroline but did not pay any parting gestures to Lord Murphy or Gwendolen. Caroline sighed, trying to remember why she had agreed to marry the man.
It probably had a lot to do with her parent’s wishes and the fact she hadn’t received any other offers. But now that William had appeared in her life once more, she wondered if he’d still be interested in marrying. His feelings for her seemed obvious enough. But she would need to hear it from his lips to know for sure if he still had similar intentions towards her.
Caroline wasn’t sure for how long she received visitors, but it felt like the entire day. Eventually there came an end to them, and Caroline was escorted by Lord Murphy to the dining room to finally eat something. She wasn’t sure if she was hungry but reasoned that it would be a good idea to eat.
“How are you feeling, Miss Caroline?” Lord Murphy asked once she was seated at the table.
“Not quite like myself, I do have to admit,” she said. “I feel exhausted, but don’t know whether I would be able to sleep. I know I should be hungry, but yet don’t feel such pains.”
“It’s perfectly fine to feel abnormal,” Gwendolen said as she sat down next to Caroline. Lord Murphy took a seat at the head of the table then.
“You have done well enough today,” he added. “There were many people who wished to pay their respects, and had things been different, there would have been a wake for your parents as well.”
“I understand,” Caroline said with a nod. She understood that her parent’s bodies had been too disformed for a proper wake. Lord Murphy had been advised to bury the bodies as soon as possible because of their accident.
Such grim thoughts caused Caroline’s body to tighten once more. When a plate of food was set in front of her, small minced meat pies and fruit-filled tarts, Caroline pleaded with her body to relax so she could eat something decent. After all, it looked like a very special meal just for her.
“Good afternoon, my dears,” came Lady Murphy’s voice as she joined them in the dining room. She wore a plain day gown of crème cotton and her brown hair hung loosely down her back. She took a seat next to Caroline and was quick to capture her weak hand in hers. “How did you find the well-wishers?”
“Tolerable enough, Lady Murphy,” Caroline said.
“Forgive me for not joining you this day. The passing of your mother has been a terrible loss for me. We had been close in our youth,” she explained.
“I’m sorry. I had not known,” Caroline said, honestly surprised by the statement.
“That was a long time ago—we had only recently rekindled our friendship after seeing you two girls become so close. Life has an amusing way of changing once you are married.”
Caroline nodded, not knowing what else to say. Eventually Lady Murphy let go of her hand and allowed her to take small bites of her food. She couldn’t finish it all but was satisfied that she had at least eaten something.
After the meal, Caroline had expected the ability to return to her bedchamber and attempt to get some rest. She was exhausted and figured she would try to recover her energy. Tears pricked at the edges of her eyes as she felt her sorrow rising up once more. But as she rose from the table, Lord Murphy spoke up.
“Miss Caroline, would you join me in my study. There are a few matters of business that I wish to speak with you about. I shall be sure to be quick in my speech,” he said.
“Of course,” Caroline replied, curious to know what couldn’t wait till later. Once more, Lord Murphy then escorted her from the room and led her down the hall to his personal study.
