Page 41 of A Lady's Passion Knows No Distance
She would become someone more sought after once the public knew of her worth. Hopefully Lord Canton wouldn’t be able to chase off all her possible suitors once she broke their engagement.
However, even though Caroline now had the confidence that she could marry someone better, she hoped her husband would one day be William.
Chapter 22
Caroline had expected the day to be dark, rainy, and perhaps a bit cold. With this being the day that she would say her final goodbyes to her parents, she found it odd that the weather didn’t reflect the bleakness of her mood. Instead, the sun shone brightly through her bedchamber windows, and the sound of songbirds could be heard flitting around the gardens. The air smelled of the familiar scent of town, and if she was correct, Cook was making something sweet.
“It feels all so odd,” Caroline whispered to herself. Her lady’s maid had just stepped out of the room, having pinned Caroline’s hair into curls around her head so her black hat could sit nicely on her crown with a black veil covering her face. She wore a black gown made of dyed cotton.
With the day likely to be warm, she’d chosen simple gowns for mourning that would be comfortable enough. She wasn’t sure just how long she’d be in mourning, but for now that was not her biggest concern. Instead, she worried about the crowd of people she was sure to face in mere hours.
After a time, Caroline ventured downstairs to join the other members of the household as they made their way to the chapel for the funeral service, followed by the burying of her parents in the church’s cemetery. In her black-gloved hand, she held the handkerchief that William had given her.
She knew she wouldn’t be able to get through this day without tears, and therefore had tried to come as prepared as possible. Having placed a few drops of peppermint oil on the handkerchief, Caroline was certain she would at least smell refreshing as she dried her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time.
“Are you all set, my dear?” Lady Murphy asked as Caroline joined them at the foyer. Caroline nodded, knowing that if she dared to speak that she’d be overcome by tears once more. She dreaded the funeral but knew that it must happen and that it was important for her to say her goodbyes.
The Murphy family had all decided to dress in clothing of a dark navy colour. Not quite blue, nor black. Somewhere in between, depending on how the sunlight shone upon the garments. They all gave Caroline tight smiles of comfort. After a moment longer, Lord Murphy nodded towards the butler for the door to be opened. Once done, he led everyone out of the house and towards the waiting carriage.
No one said anything as they rode through town. Caroline looked at the scenery passing by the carriage windows, peering at the faces of those they passed by. All she could think was how she wished she could trade places with them so she didn’t have to face the reality of her parents being dead. It still hadn’t really settled in her mind that they were gone forever. It would likely take watching their pine caskets being placed in the ground for her to come to terms with it all.
“You’re not alone in this,” Gwendolen spoke up, causing Caroline to look over at her dear friend. Caroline nodded, forcing a smile to her lips as she gripped the handkerchief in her hands. It was all she could do to not come to tears right then and there.
“Thank you,” she said, barely a whisper. She battled back the tears in her eyes and focused on the passing scenery once more. It was only when the church came into view that her heart started to pound in her chest. She could already see a crowd gathering around, waiting for her to arrive so that she could enter the chapel first. It was such an unsettling thing to see that she wished the earth would just open up and swallow her whole, allowing her to pass quickly into the darkness and towards the afterlife.
But alas, that did not happen. When the carriage door was opened, Lord Murphy alighted from the vehicle first to help the others down. Then, alone, Caroline made the trek up the church’s many stone stairs towards the open doors of the chapel. On the wind, she heard a soft melody being played from the organ. And as she made her way, the crowd parted before her like the Red Sea so that she could pass.
As Caroline made her way through the crowd that had gathered, many dipped their heads and curtsied, mumbling words of condolences as she went. Lord Murphy escorted his wife by the arm, with Gwendolen following closely behind. When Caroline came to the open doors, she paused for a moment and simply looked inside the large building. At the end was the main part of the chapel where the priest stood, seeming to be waiting on her.
Taking a deep breath, Caroline entered the church and made her way down the long aisle between the pews, her shoes making soft sounds against the marble floor. Two caskets were positioned in front of the altar, countless bouquets of flowers lining each one. As Caroline neared, she couldn’t help but go to them and rest her hands gently on top, the reality that her parents lay inside of them seeming to crash down upon her like a wave that never ended.
It was then that she let the tears fall freely from her eyes, trying to keep her mouth shut as she fought off the sobs. With so many waiting to come into the church, she didn’t want to take long, nor cause too much of a scene. Though she reasoned that they would all expect her to be in tears, she didn’t want to completely lose herself to her sorrow.
“Come and sit, my child. Rest your weary body in the house of the Lord. Take comfort in knowing that your parents are both in a better place, residing with our Savior in Heaven,” said the priest as he came up to Caroline and led a gentle hand on her shoulder.
She lowered her hands from the caskets with a nod, allowing Gwendolen to come forth and lead her towards the first pew. Already the crowd was starting to flood the church, and it felt good to sit down and simply rest against the back of the pew.
Caroline was so focused on the two caskets to her right that she didn’t realize someone had come to sit next to her until that person leaned forward and blocked her view of her parents. She looked into the eyes of Lord Canton, having to blink a few times to really focus on him.
“I’m here for you, Caroline,” he said in a soft voice.
“I wish to sit alone, thank you,” Caroline said, turning to her left to see that the Murphys were sitting just behind her.
“As your fiancé, it is only proper that I accompany you. After all, we are soon to be family,” he said, a soft smile on his lips.
“If you insist, then sit to my left. I don’t want anyone blocking my view,” Caroline said, her voice growing stern. She could tell Lord Canton did not like to be told what to do by the way his eyes narrowed at her. But eventually he stood and moved to her other side, allowing her to see her parents’ caskets once more. She thought it was rather nice how the flowers had been arranged around them, filling the chapel with their wonderful scent.
When Lord Canton tried to rest his hand on hers, she pulled away, sliding further away from him on the pew. Now was not the time for displays of affection. She wanted to focus solely on the funeral and nothing more. After all, she had some choice words to say to the man when the moment was more appropriate. Thankfully, as the priest started the funeral, Lord Canton refrained from trying to comfort her any longer.
Caroline didn’t really pay attention to what the priest was saying. Something about righteousness and life eternal—it didn’t matter to Caroline in that moment. She was without her parents, yet close to their lifeless bodies. She had a hard time fathoming that they were in Heaven.
Eventually, the time came for everyone to pay their last respects. Caroline rose first, walking on unsteady feet as she approached the caskets. Once more, she stood between them, resting her hands on either one as she closed her eyes and said her final goodbyes. She could feel the sobs rising up in her chest once more and she forced her hands into fists to keep them at bay.
“I’ll never forget you. For as long as I shall live, I shall remember the things you have taught me. I love you both so dearly and shall miss you forever more,” Caroline whispered as tears streamed down her face.
After a time, when her body felt too heavy to keep upright any longer, she lowered her hands from the caskets and began to wipe her tears away before returning to her place on the pew. When Lord Canton tried to approach her, she raised a hand, warning him to stay away as others began to come forward to pay their last respects and to offer her words of comfort.
“She seems so distant,” came the whisperings of an older woman in the line of well-wishers. Caroline didn’t dare turn her attention towards the speaker, or they would know they had been heard. Though the church hummed with soft whispers and talk, the melody from the organ rang above all. It no doubt made people think they weren’t speaking as loud as they were.
