Page 63 of Treating a Sinful Earl
“You are most skilled in your trade,” Jasper said, managing a smile.
She shrugged. “This is all that I know, and I have had the chance to witness you grow since you were a wee little one. I hope that my skill played a role in that.”
“It most certainly did,” Jasper said humorously, thinking it probable that his great height was due to his family’s cook. He observed her as she prepared the tea tray, thinking all the while that Catherine was entirely alone in the study. So be it. He needed to give himself time to regain his strength. He would keep himself in the most positive light, while also being resolved to tell Catherine the truth that very evening.
“Here we are then, luvie,” she said, carrying the tea tray over. “I shall summon a footman at once.”
“I can take it,” he assured her.
The cook eyed him intently. “You are struggling with your health today,” she observed.
“It has been most difficult. I know that the supper you have prepared will amend the situation…as well as my betrothed.”
The cook blushed and grinned. “My lord, if I may be so bold, I am ever so happy for you. She is one lucky lady!”
“I am a lucky man. Never have I been so in love. I trust that my love will continue to grow…with the time that I have.”
The cook frowned, understanding what he was implying. “Do not allow that to trouble you. My lord, you must embrace this time more than ever before. She is a lovely lady. I admit to peeking through the door into the dining room! Embrace her, show her your love in every possible moment, and trust that all shall be well.”
Jasper grinned from ear to ear. Yes, the cook was a strong force in their household, and he would hold onto this council. What’s more, he planned on doing everything that she had just instructed. He would inform Catherine of the truth, and if she would not have him after that, then he would have the peace of mind that came from knowing that he had done everything he could.
Although he wished to return to Catherine promptly, he needed this discussion to bolster him. “It is quiet in the house without the Dowager Countess.”
“If you ask me,” the cook went on, “I hope that this marriage encourages you to claim this estate as your own. You are a grown man, you have found your love, and now it is time to seize the day, even with the challenges that you face.”
He nodded. “You speak justly. For long, my mother has lingered. I know she has been concerned for my health. I feel that with this new love that I have discovered, I can finally claim my own.”
“And claim it you shall!” she exclaimed. “You are such a good man, my lord. I have seen it in you for all of your days. Embrace what you are, and know that even in the darkest moments, when the future looks grim, you are still the man that you were destined to be. No one can take that away from you.”
Finally, Jasper felt strengthened in the way that he needed to be to face Catherine yet again. Yes, no matter what the diagnosis stated, he was finally becoming the man that he always wished to be. The man that was in love, empowered, and had only one goal in life: to live the rest of his days with relish.
He picked up the tea tray, eager to return to Catherine. But he could not help but ask one more question of his sage cook. “Do you believe in remedies?” he asked, surprised that he had said it.
She looked up towards the ceiling. “I do. But if you ask me, the very best remedy is in one’s mind.” She brought a finger to her head. “It is all so vexing. You receive bad news, and you plan for the worst. But know that this bad news only makes the whole ordeal more difficult.Pretendas though you had never received any bad news at all and walk through life with that faith.”
Jasper was positively ecstatic to hear these words. Yes, that was what he would do! He would hold his head up high, confident in Catherine’s love.
***
Catherine sat in the study patiently. She anticipated Jasper’s return, but she was still plagued with nerves. No, his health did not seem favourable when she saw him last. What else could she do? Had she failed in her attempts to heal him? Nonetheless, she would hold onto hope, for her undying love for him was just that: undying.
She paced around the room, wondering what it was that he was hiding from her. Felton had appeared so fearful, and she could not help but be infused with this fear, as well. Perhaps they should elope that very night and not care about the consequences? Then, a sickening feeling took hold, and Catherine returned to the desk to seat herself. Was it all in her head, this fear that something terrible was about to happen?
Just then, Catherine saw a piece of paper placed upon the desk and folded. She looked all around, even though it was clear that no one else was within view. Although it seemed like snooping, Catherine reached over and took the paper, unfolding it. As she read, her heart went from a steady beat to a loud thunder! She could not believe the words that were written there. All at once, life felt like a nightmare, and Catherine did not know where to turn.
She read the piece of paper yet again—written by Jasper’s doctor—and brought a hand over her mouth. The paper eventually fell from her hand, and Catherine looked up at the ceiling in disbelief.
Six months to live…Six tiny months to live.
Tears threatened, and she managed to hold these back for a few moments. She convinced herself that this was something that she already knew. She was already aware of Jasper’s troubles, but the note from the doctor was a humbling reminder that the situation could not be expressed with words. It had to be felt and sensed. The note drove home for her just how excruciating the situation really was.
Why was indignation rearing its head? Why was Catherine suddenly so angry? It must have come from the sentiment that Selina had expressed, that Jasper had a reputation, and was he using her in his final days? Had he known of this information for some time and now he sought to get the most out of her, to have some enjoyment at the end of his life?
Not knowing what to do, Catherine stood from the desk and brought a hand to her breast, feeling wholly unsteady. She could wait for him to return and tell him of her discovery, or she could flee into the fresh air, where she could breathe and try to collect herself. Catherine chose the latter, knowing that she needed to understand the horrible thoughts that were careening through her head. She rushed to the door of the study, ran down the hall, and flung open the front door where the night sky greeted her in silence.
Catherine broke into a run yet again, wishing to be free from Jasper’s presence, if only briefly. She needed to think! And also, even though their relationship had been strained, she needed to speak with Selina. In fact, she needed to speak with anyone. Since she was running, it did not take her long to reach her home, where she snuck in the back door and ran up the stairs, straight to her room. Once she was safely within, she discovered Selina seated by the window.
“You are back much sooner than last time,” Selina remarked.
