Page 69 of Treating a Sinful Earl
Abigail fell silent. Perhaps Catherine had said too much. Finally, Abigail heaved a sigh and said, “I do not think that it is too much.”
Catherine was surprised by this. “What do you mean?”
“It cannot possibly be too much for you. You are so strong, Catherine. If you love him, then you must heed the very same advice that I have! It might be impossible to refuse.”
Now, Catherine was the one to fall silent, for it was all too plain that Abigail was telling her exactly what she needed to hear. In fact, this is what she was afraid to hear. “It is funny how we share the same fears. I became afraid of my love when I learned that Jasper did not have much time. But I must admit that my love endures, perhaps even stronger than it was before. How am I to contend with this? How am I to embrace my love, knowing that it will disappear?”
“It shall not disappear. It will endure for a lifetime,” Abigail reasoned.
“But then I shall have a lifetime of longing for someone that is not here! I cannot imagine how excruciating that must be.”
Abigail said softly, “And yet, you already love him, and it will endure for a lifetime. You have nothing to lose.”
She made a remarkable point. Yes, the feelings that she already had could not be more intense. She was already going to lose him, whether she gave herself over to him or not. The pain was unavoidable, so why not make the best of this life and give in to it?
There was so much to consider. And yet, that sinking feeling that Selina left her with would not fade away. “I cannot help but think of the rumours that surround him. What if there was a small chance that Jasper was leading me on in order to…have his way with me.”
Abigail seemed rather confused by this. “Rumours?”
“Surely you have heard of the rumours that surround the Earl. Selina has reminded me of them again and again. It is as though she has infiltrated my mind.”
Abigail sat back. “Selina has been feeding you rumours?”
“Indeed. She says that Jasper is merely toying with my affections. Is it wrong that I take these rumours to heart?”
Abigail fluttered her eyelashes several times before replying, “Oh, Catherine, I would not believe what Selina is telling you.”
Catherine was taken aback. “But she is a dear friend. Why should I not believe her?”
The response came after several moments of concentrated silence. “There is something that you must know about Selina. She is…not what she seems. Oh, I love her as dearly as you do, but I know that I must be careful.”
“Careful?” Catherine asked in utter confusion.
“Indeed. There have been several instances where she has tried to break matches that she did not care for. She even tried to do so with Felton and I, but I saw through her treachery.”
Catherine did not know what to say. Selina was purposefully trying to deceive her? But she trusted Selina more than most. The evening before, Selina had come up to her room seeking to comfort her after Jasper departed. She had informed Catherine that the situation was still not suitable, that Jasper was desperate, and he could say very little about his love.
But when Catherine had seen Jasper from her window, he had looked distraught. That must have been because Selina was lying all the while…
“I cannot believe that she has deceived me in this way,” Catherine said faintly.
“Believe it. There is no use in trying to deny it,” Abigail assured her. “I have been so lost in my own turmoil, that I did not take pains to warn you. But it was evident that she did not care for you and the Earl’s flirtation. I think she was positively jealous!”
Catherine brought her hands up to her cheeks. What had she done? She had believed Selina before she believed Jasper. She put her trust in Selina because she was a dear friend, and in so doing, she pulled her trust away from the man she loved. It was all too horrific for words.
“What do I do now? I do not know that Jasper will ever forgive me!”
“Of course, he will forgive you,” Abigail assured her. “He loves you, and he only has so much time. You are perhaps the dearest object in his life. Oh, I know that the situation is rather difficult, but know that he will love you for the rest of his days and beyond.”
Catherine was so grateful for these words, and she was entirely sure that Abigail had changed much since falling in love with Felton. Never had they shared such intimate conversation. It was as though Abigail’s heart had burst open because of Felton, and now Catherine was reaping the benefit.
Lost in her own thoughts, Catherine thought of what she must do next. There was no sense in going to Jasper that very day. She would be making a fool of herself! After her defiance in the forest, to return to him now would be an embarrassment, and perhaps too much of a shock. Perhaps she should write him a letter? Oh, none of it would do! The situation was still vastly complicated.
“Sometimes…I still believe that there is a chance,” Catherine said softly.
“A chance?”
“A chance for me to heal him…I simply cannot give up yet. If I do marry him—oh, heavens, I do not know what to do—but if I do, I must work tirelessly to still improve his health, or perhaps heal him altogether.”
