Page 37 of Treating a Sinful Earl
Now, Jasper could not help but ask, “Is it appropriate to ask about these maladies?”
Catherine placed the bit of cheese that was in her hand back upon the wooden board. “It is no secret, really. After having me, my mother was with child…another girl. Sadly, the health of this child was unsound, and it died. Mother’s health suffered as a result, as did her heart and soul. I made her several remedies at the time to help her recover.”
Jasper fell silent. He was not aware of the family tragedy, nor did he enjoy hearing it. In fact, it filled his heart with sadness. This was perhaps the reason why Catherine had devoted herself to her trade. He wished that tragedy had not been the impetus.
“I am very sorry to hear of this,” Jasper replied faintly.
“There is much that can go wrong in life. I know this all too well,” Catherine explained. “And really, all that we must do is persevere. Nature helps us to do that, with the various gifts that she bestows upon us.”
Jasper considered that he was most definitely far gone. Everything that Catherine said, everything that she did, filled him with hope…and longing. For he had to admit to himself that there was a growing longing within him that he could not deny. She was the most real, the most natural lady that he had ever met, and her spirit was incomparable. What was he to do with all of these feelings and sensations within his breast?
Seeing as Jasper had fallen dumb, Catherine went on, “I shall make the tincture for your mother this evening, as promised. And I also have a tea that I will make for you. Is all of this helping?”
Jasper could not help but admit, “You have no idea how much it is all helping.”
Chapter 17
Jasper had to admit that he was feeling quite different. Not only was Catherine’s company a balm to his soul, but it really did seem as though her tinctures were working! The delight that he took in this was only compounded when, the following day, Jasper sipped upon the tea that Catherine had sent to him and found that he felt even better after that.
Was there magic in what Catherine prepared for him? For surely, there was something beyond medicinal in what was happening to him. He was being transformed, body and soul.
“My son,” the Dowager Countess said, entering his study, “I have tried that tincture that you provided for me.”
“And?” Jasper asked in curiosity.
“I must say, the fatigue has lifted for the day. Where did you meet this remarkable girl?”
“I informed you that I met her at a ball. She has not been out in society much, and now she has a hasty need to marry.”
When he saw his mother arch her brow, he knew that he had said too much. “And what are you going to do about it?” his mother asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You know perfectly well what I mean, Jasper. She is a fine young woman and now she needs a husband!”
This was perplexing. He had had this discussion with his mother countless times. “She knows that I am a sick man,” Jasper admitted. “But she does not know to what extent. I finally had the courage to tell Felton, and he has not paid a call since.”
In truth, it had been mere days since he had seen Felton, so he probably should not look into it further, but it was troubling for him that his dear friend was perhaps suffering from the knowledge that he had imparted.
“You are too hard on yourself, Jasper,” his mother said, seating herself across from his desk. “You have enough to be concerned with. I beg you to consider this lady. Oh, but it seems silly to suggest such a thing after I tried one of her tinctures! But I see how you have changed since you have met her.”
This filled Jasper with curiosity, for certainly he felt what his mother spoke of but did not know that it was apparent. “How have I changed?”
“You are full of hope!” she explained. “That is something that I have not seen for some time. What’s more, there is new colour in your cheeks, and you have more energy.”
“This is from the tinctures, I promise you. They are having a positive physical effect.”
“Amongst other things.” His mother stared him down as only a mother could, with understanding in her eyes whilst also firmly suggesting something that she could not utter aloud.
Far from being frustrated by this, it seemed that it was the kind of encouragement that Jasper needed. He had to admit that it was positively horrifying, the notion of being honest with Catherine. He knew that she would still accept him, but every time he admitted to his malignant ailment it was as though he was confronting the truth yet again. Truly, in his heart and mind, all that he wished to do was pretend that it did not exist. It weighed so heavily upon his mind that at moments it was too hard to bear.
“I do not wish to show her my weakness, although she knows of it well. In her eyes, I wish to be a strong, capable man.”
“But you are!” the Dowager Countess protested. “I am sure that she can already see that. Son, this might be hard to believe, but when men are truly vulnerable with women, it does not push them away but only pulls them closer. I have the keen suspicion that that is what you desire.”
Jasper took another sip of his healing tea and scratched his chin. He considered her words, although they were still difficult to stomach, considering the fear that he felt lodged deeply in his breast.
There would come a time when it would be inevitable, and Jasper would have to tell Catherine the truth. But what if this moment passed him by? What if two months transpired and Catherine fled to London, where she found a husband just as Jasper was on his deathbed? This was the worst outcome of all and reminded Jasper that he needed to take action to prevent it.
