Page 48 of Treating a Sinful Earl
Although he was teasing her, there was some truth to what he said. Why else would he feel faint after such a long time of being without any symptoms?
“You are pressuring me?” Catherine asked, some humour in her voice, as well.
“Well, not in a serious way. No, disregard what I have said. I am sure it is just a fluke and nothing more.”
Still, his heart was racing in his chest. “I am deeply concerned, my lord.”
“Please,” he implored her, “never call me that. I am Jasper to you.”
***
Catherine was left in a daze. It frightened her immensely whenever these fits came on. She took such delight in thinking that they had made a world of progress, and now that progress seemed diminished. How was she to tell him that she wished for nothing more in the world than to be his wife? But it seemed too good to be true, and Catherine had spoken the truth when she said that she feared it.
She sat with him for some time, watching as he recovered, and could not help but delight in how handsome he was, even when he was ill. How could such a stunning creature be interested in her? Perhaps he had lost his wits, just as she had!
“I am nearly recovered,” he shared. “Pardon me. You know how much it pains me to have you see this.”
“There is nothing wrong about it. We must be more diligent in healing you, that is all.”
He gazed towards the ground, his expression heavy. “There is something that I have not shared with you. I fear it.”
Catherine was stricken, already knowing what he was going to say. “What is it? Trust that you can tell me.”
“I…I…Catherine, my plight is not what you think. Many doctors have expressed to me that I am not long for this world.”
He had finally said it, and Catherine almost felt relief because of it. It was what she feared and also what she knew. He was a dying man. Still, she would do everything in her power to prevent this and was confident that she could.
“I understand,” she responded plainly. “But I request that you do not fear. Doctors do not always know what they speak of.”
He laughed. “Perhaps. But in this case, it feels rather certain. Trust that I am so grateful for what you do for me, and all this time, I have not wanted to share my feelings for fear that they might frighten you.”
“It does frighten me,” she assured him. “But this fear springs from love. I am sure of it.”
She saw the joy in his expression upon saying this, and in turn, she herself was flooded with more joy. “Are you upset with me for not telling you sooner?”
She shook her head. “I understand why you did not tell me sooner. These matters are difficult to express. I am grateful that you have told me now, for I feel more emboldened than ever.”
They gazed into one another’s eyes, Catherine not wanting to look away. Yes, there was deep affection and love there, and she wanted nothing more than to be with this man for the rest of her days. Why was she tarrying? Now, more than ever, the stakes seemed impossibly high, and Catherine did not know what to do.
“May I take your hand?” Jasper asked.
“You have already taken my lips, so I cannot see how that is a problem.”
They both smiled at one another, and she watched as he reached over and took her hand in hers. He grasped it tightly, and she was grateful for this contact after the news that he had shared.
“All shall be well,” she said faintly. “I am sure of it. I know that this must weigh heavily on you but trust that all shall be well.”
“Felton reminded me of something very important this evening. We are all doomed to the same fate. Why should I feel sorry for myself when that is the case? And why should I deny my love for you when I fear that there is not enough time, and this is not fair to you?”
Catherine had so much to say but held her tongue for fear of ruining the moment. His words were pure eloquence, and she let them cling to the air whilst she felt a flooding of warmth in her heart. Yes, he was bolder and more courageous than she was! Jasper was revealing himself in ways that she never thought he would. Should she tell him the truth? That she was desperate to be his wife and she longed for no one else?
And herein lay the problem; Catherine felt desperate. How could she know that their love was true when there was desperation?
“I must depart,” Jasper said, standing to full height and bringing Catherine up with him.
“So soon?”
“Yes. I feel the need to rest, even though I wish to walk with you for the rest of the day. In fact, for the rest of my life.”
