Page 68 of Treating a Sinful Earl
Catherine stepped back and put up her hands. “Please, do not say such things.”
“But it is the truth.”
“Even if it is the truth,” she gazed into his eyes, “it is too difficult to hear. Before reading that letter, I held onto hope. I truly believed that I could heal you, and this whole mess would be behind us. I was a fool to think so. The letter made the reality of the situation all too clear, and now I find that…I am not as strong as I thought I was.”
This seemed like the final admission. This was Catherine telling Jasper that she could never go through with it. He felt the life slip out of his body as though he might die that very moment. But no, Jasper would not give up. He would continue to live if only so that the memory of her could linger for the rest of his days.
“I cannot convince you otherwise,” Jasper went on, “but if I continue to try, please do not find fault with me. I am a man in love, and I must do what I must do.”
Catherine brought a hand over her mouth. “Please…give me the time and space that I require.”
With that, she turned and fled, her chaperone following quickly behind her. Jasper bent his head forward, thinking that there was no sense in telling Catherine that he had very little time to wait. She knew that, and she still made her choice. And yet, he would give her the time and space that she required. He would do anything that she desired. But he could not help but think of Walter’s story and how Minnie had returned to him in one year’s time.
Maybe God would be merciful, and Jasper would have more than six months. Maybe he would have a year or two, just enough time to greet Catherine upon her return.
Jasper banished these thoughts. He was unsure if holding onto vain hope made any sense at all. All that he could do was wait, and hope, and pray. Alas, there was nothing more in the world that he wished for than to have Catherine accept him. Even if God only gave him one day with her, he would exchange that one day for six months without her.
Chapter 32
When Catherine returned home, she ran to her room in a mess of tears. Seeing Jasper was so terribly difficult because part of her felt as though she had lost him already. Now, he was truly gone, for she could not bear the pain of marrying him and losing him, which she had previously assumed she was strong enough to endure.
There was a knock at the door, and she assumed it to be Selina. That was why it came as quite a shock when Abigail came inside.
Catherine brushed the tears away. “What are you doing here?”
“I had a premonition.”
Catherine could not help but laugh. “A premonition?”
“Indeed. Selina informed me of your distress, and I sensed that today was the day when you needed me most.”
Catherine got up and walked towards her, and the two girls embraced. “It is a horrible situation,” she confided.
“I was told.” Abigail rubbed Catherine’s back. “And I am sorry that I have not come sooner. There has been my own turmoil to contend with.”
“Turmoil?” Catherine asked, pulling away. “What kind of turmoil?” She was eager to hear of anything other than her own predicament.
“I have become a recluse. Can you believe it?” There were tears in Abigail’s eyes. “Never did I think that it would happen to me.”
“What has happened?” Catherine took her hands.
“I am in love…I admit this with great sadness, knowing that your situation is worse than my own, but I cannot help but feel…afraid!”
Catherine had to stifle a smile, for Abigail’s turmoil over being in love was charming in a way. “Why is this a bad thing?”
“Because it is frightening. Yes, I love Felton, and I cannot admit it to him. I think about him all the time, and I do not have the heart to go to parties and pretend that I am interested in others.”
“Go to him,” Catherine said softly. “Go to him and tell him the truth.”
“But what if he does not love me anymore after I do so? What if he does not care for me when he knows that I love only him?”
Catherine led Abigail to the bed, where they both seated themselves. “He will still love you. I know it. You cannot be afraid anymore, Abigail. If you love Felton, you must tell him so and make a match of it. This time on earth is precious, and it must be embraced when love is involved.”
Catherine could not believe that she was saying these words, for this was the very sentiment that she had banished regarding Jasper. But her love informed her that time was more precious than ever.
“Have you refused the Earl of Simmons?” Abigail asked.
Catherine nodded. “I cannot go through with it, even after what I just said to you. Oh, I thought that I was strong enough! But as it turns out, I am not. To love him so briefly then to see him die…this is something that I could never endure.”
