Page 34 of A Lady's Wicked Revenge
And somehow, defying all reason, every kiss, every touch, every caress was bursting with the same singular, once-in-a-lifetime quality. Every time Colin lifted his strong, masculine chin and his smile coloured ever so slightly from its usual cocky charm, Diana felt herself melt into a puddle of desire, knowing she would do anything he asked of her and damn the consequences. Every time she felt his arms around her, she wanted to cry out in sorrow that this moment would have to end.
And every night, she lay awake, even more stunned than before, unable to get the fresh memory of his touch out of her head. Each kiss was repeated a thousand times, through hours of tossing and turning and the furtive moans that echoed from her ceiling during her late-night, increasingly desperate searching in the darkness.
I wonder if this is what going mad feels like,Diana thought as she collapsed atop her bed, her arms limp at her sides. A smile came to her as her heart provided its same insistent answer.If it is, I cannot imagine wanting ever to be sane.
Chapter 16
Proper Dinner Conversation
Amid all the tumult that haunted Diana’s thoughts day and night, she was stricken with an answer to a persistent nocturnal question. It was on a stormy night that followed a particularly compelling exploration with Colin in the thick of his father’s rose garden, a night when she was awoken from a deep sleep by a crack of lightning that seemed to land right on top of her head.
As she sat bolt upright in the bed, fighting to calm her frantic breathing, Diana realised that she had been roused from the dream that had recurred frequently over the last few weeks … and for the first time, she had a clear picture in her mind of the dream itself.
Shaking, she poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher on her bedside table to calm her nerves, and as she drank, she ran over the details of the dream. She had been in the middle of a vast sylvan glade, a veritable army of sunflowers circling her even as the warm sun shone down on her with its cheery golden light. She had turned at a sound behind her to see Colin approach her with arms spread wide, his thin white shirt billowing in the breeze and revealing his broad chest and strong, masculine arms.
She felt herself run to him, and there was a whirlwind of activity as he took her in his arms, and they collapsed onto a cloudlike white bed there amid the grass. Their clothes vanished save for a winking golden ring on Colin’s finger that she had not seen before, and with her garments also disappeared Diana’s every reservation, doubt, inhibition, and she gave herself to him completely and gleefully in full sight of all the green and verdant world.
But to whom was he wedded in his dream?Diana asked herself, swallowing. The answer seemed obvious enough that she felt ridiculous even wondering such a thing.Is that what it truly feels like for a wife to lay with her husband? To feel so complete, so uninhibited, and natural and true …
This fantasy had burned in her memory from the moment she rose from her bed in the morning. As soon as she opened her door to join Colin for breakfast, she discovered a note with his apologies, explaining that he would be indisposed for the morning and unable to join her for their ‘morning exercise’, as they had begun to cheekily refer to their excursions. Diana’s disappointment was considerable at this, and she promptly climbed back into her bed to lose herself in her eager recollection of some of the more specific aspects of her dream.
By late morning, Diana began to wonder if she was doing something wrong, either to Colin or herself, by losing herself so fully in the fantasy they had constructed together. By the afternoon, she was quite sure the intelligent thing to do would be to tell Colin she could no longer enjoy such exercises with him, and by evenfall, she was sure only that she had no idea what she should do with herself.
Think of what Mister Arnold told you,cried the ever-smaller voice of good sense from the recesses of her mind.Think of your own future! Forget about this silly infatuation! Keep your eyes open and your mind alert so you can seize an opportunity when it presents itself.
It is an unfortunate truth that such wisdom carries little weight against the titanic force of silly infatuation. However, between the pouring rain and Colin’s absence from her field of vision, Diana found herself growing ever more grim as the day wore on, and by the time she left her room to join the Leesons for dinner, she had finally scrounged up the resolve needed to ignore Colin and look to her own situation.
No more listening to lust,she thought, steeling herself in preparation to make conversation with Colin and his parents.Your destiny is yours to do with as you wish—all you have to do is keep your head and take an opportunity as soon as you see one.
“Good evening, Miss Hann,” she heard Colin say. Looking up, she could feel her expression of dour determination melt into surprise when, for the first time since arriving at the Leeson house, she saw only Colin beside his seat at the table. His stepfather and mother were absent, and the table was set only for two.
Colin was standing ready to pull Diana’s chair out for her, his hair thick and tousled against his dark blue jacket and the faintest wisp of dark chest hair snaking out through the loose collar of his linen shirt. Always given to smiling, tonight Colin positively beamed, his grin bespeaking simultaneous confidence, eagerness, and bashfulness that made Diana’s blood run hot.
Diana’s good sense may have had something to say about the sight. Unfortunately, whatever was said was drowned out by an infinitely louder observation from an altogether more persuasive corner of Diana’s mind:
My God, how is it he manages to look so effortlessly handsome?
She mutely accepted Colin’s offer of help, feeling his hands against the chair as he slid it under her bottom at her place at the table. “Is …” She stopped, feeling herself stumble for words.Get a hold of yourself, stupid girl!“Are your mother and stepfather not joining us this evening, then?”
Colin smiled as he took his own seat. “Sir James and my mother extend their regrets, but they will be attending a dinner in Hammersmith. They are not expecting to be back until sometime around midnight. We’re all alone here, you and I.” He subtly licked his lips so quickly, Diana was not sure she had not imagined it; whether it was real or not, it set her insides aquiver.
Gritting her teeth to stop herself from trembling, Diana looked down at the table and proceeded to joylessly cut into the roast chicken on her plate.
“You know, I’m having the strangest sensation ofdéjà vu.” Colin laughed warmly. “I could swear we’ve had this exact conversation before … at this very table, even.”
“I imagine you’ve had very similar conversations with many a lady,” Diana grumbled, still trying to sort out how she felt about this unprecedented degree of privacy.
“I must say, I’m surprised and more than a little hurt.” Diana did not dare take this bait and look up at Colin, but from the sound of his voice, she sensed he was still having her on. After a moment without a reply, he continued, “Then again, I suppose if you are so uninterested in the meal or proper dinner conversation, we could proceed straight to the basket making.”
Diana’s hand flew to her mouth in what she was sure was an idiotic-looking show of modesty.Is he … he isn’t … doesn’t that mean …?The argot was distantly familiar to her from giggling conversations with Leah and other girlfriends, its meaning made abundantly clear by Colin’s arched eyebrow and crooked smile.
She was filled at once with anger at the implication, scepticism as to whether he was only joking, the desperate yet taboo hope that he was not—then, above all other emotions, dread at being discovered. Her eyes darted to the door to the kitchens, her mind racing with the thought of what Uncle James would say if he knew she and Colin had been …
As if reading her thoughts, Colin laughed gently and explained, “I’ve asked Mister Davenport to have the staff give us a wide berth this evening. Unless we ring the bell, no one will be coming into the dining room until it is time for breakfast.”
“Won’t that arouse suspicion?”
Colin’s eyebrow arched at her penultimate word, and again Diana felt herself blush hideously. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. After all, I certainly do not intend to do anything untoward. Do you?”
