Page 51 of Tutoring a Lady into Sin
The two ladies fell into a comfortable silence as they walked the rest of the way down the winding stone pathway and headed into the heart of the dowager duchess’s rose garden. There was a tall trellis just in front of them, with rich red roses snaking their way upward, rising almost ten feet tall.
Off to the left, there were buds that were just opening, which were sweet and a delicate pale pink hue. But on the right, Christianna’s eyes were drawn to the pristine white roses. They were in full bloom, and Christianna felt like she was being pulled toward them.
She ran her fingertips over the soft petals, marvelling at one of God’s finest creations. “Do you see the way the moonlight kisses these flowers?” she asked Miss Fitzroy. “It is as if they were born to thrive during the darkest of night, so they might illuminate the path up ahead.”
Miss Fitzroy looked at the flowers for a long moment, then turned her quizzical gaze on Christianna. “My lady, do you really wish to speak of the roses?”
“What?”
“I only meant to say that you surely did not flee the ballroom and eschew the company of others so you could ponder the dowager duchess’s prized roses,” Miss Fitzroy said as she reached out and stroked the petals of the flower nearest to her.
“These could be my flowers, Miss Fitzroy. In but two days’ time, I could be the Duchess of Bixby.”
“Could be, my lady?” Miss Fitzroy questioned as her hand fell away from the blooming beauty. “Does that mean you have decided to sweep aside your feelings for Lord Phineas and instead stick to your engagement to the duke?”
Christianna shook her head dejectedly. “I have reached no such conclusion. Even though I have seen Phineas these last few days, he has not left his uncle’s side.” She hurriedly added, “Not that I begrudge him for that at all. Lord Linfield is dear to Phineas, and so I can completely understand that with his uncle is the place where he belongs.”
“But in staying in Lord Linfield’s bedchambers, Lord Phineas has neglected you?” Miss Fitzroy prompted.
Christianna pinched the slender white petal of the flower beneath her fingers. “I do not think of it like that—at least not precisely. I had hoped, several days ago, that Phineas would have announced his love for me, spoken to his brother about the matter, and made sure that the wedding was altogether cancelled…yet, here we are.”
She let go of the rose and swept her hand apathetically back toward the house. “All the guests are still here, eagerly awaiting my nuptials, which are, as of right now, just as firmly set in place as they ever were.”
“And that is to say what exactly, my lady?” Miss Fitzroy asked as her eyebrows quirked in confusion.
“I do not know,” Christianna confessed. “I feel as though I should not just sit around and wait for others to do everything on my behalf, but…what do you think I should do, Miss Fitzroy?”
The lady’s maid shrugged. “I cannot say. What would you like to do, my lady?”
“I…” Christianna began but did not finish her statement.
Miss Fitzroy gave her a long look of appraisal. “You want to say something, my lady. I can see that much. Do tell me what you want. If you were free to act just as you wished…if you were not forced to maintain a sense of propriety and it did not matter if you were to say exactly what you felt in your heart, what would you be doing right now?”
Emboldened by Miss Fitzroy’s prompting, Christianna answered honestly, “I would be with Phineas. I cannot deny that my heart belongs to him. If I were given free rein to do exactly as I liked, I would go to the duke myself and cancel our engagement. I would tell him of my feelings for his brother, and by tomorrow morning, I would be…”
She had allowed herself to become carried away with this fantasy. She could tell as much when she looked across the flower bed and saw Miss Fitzroy looking at her owlishly. “You think I am overstepping?” Christianna asked. “You believe I am merely inhabiting a world of whimsy?”
Miss Fitzroy shook her head. “You are only stating what you feel, and yet, I would have thought you would have…no…I cannot.”
“What?” Christianna demanded. “If we are to continue this conversation in a forthright manner, Miss Fitzroy, just as I cannot keep my musings from you, I will not allow you to hold back your opinions from me.”
“Yes, my lady,” Miss Fitzroy said as she nodded in agreement. “Then, if I must say what I am thinking, I would have thought that while your heart led you to envision this future you speak of with Lord Phineas, your better judgement would compel you to see that it is an impossibility.”
“It…you think…you think the idea of Phineas and I eventually becoming wed to one another is nothing more than sheer impracticality?” She stumbled over her words because she felt a queer sense of hopelessness churning in her stomach. Her hand flew to her abdomen, and she covered it, trying to soothe the uneasiness.
“Can you truly give up on your marriage to the duke, especially since Lord Phineas has not indicated there is any reason to do otherwise?”
“What are you saying?” Christianna cried. She felt as though a painful blow had just been delivered, and she clenched her abdominal muscles, trying to fend off the next attack.
“I know not precisely what has unfolded between you and His lordship, but he has not dissolved your marriage contract to his brother. While you might recognise the necessity of the matter, he may be biding his time because…”
“You think Phineaswantsme to marry Percival?” Christianna had never felt more lost or discombobulated in her entire life. Everything she thought she understood was being flipped upside down.
Miss Fitzroy lifted both hands, holding her palms face up to show that she, too, was clueless. “I am merely speculating, my lady.”
“But…but…” Christianna stuttered. “What I want is just out of reach. I can see it…the future…with Phineas, and it is so grand…so lovely.”
“Indeed,” Miss Fitzroy murmured. “The two of you would likely make a fine couple, and had you perhaps met him before you encountered the duke—”
