Page 54 of Tutoring a Lady into Sin
I know not how to endure so much pain.
As Phineas shuffled toward his room, all his spirit, his zest for life, his love for Christianna, it all seeped out of his body. He had just enough time to collapse onto the foot of his bed before, for the second time that day, he succumbed to his tears.
Chapter 23
“My lady,” Miss Fitzroy said the next morning as she ran a fine bristled brush through Christianna’s long hair, “do tell me you have changed your mind.”
Christianna shook her head, letting her long locks sway lightly. “I have not.”
“But I thought after having a nice long sleep, you might have come to your senses,” Miss Fitzroy continued with her fretting, as well as her duties.
Christianna gazed at Miss Fitzroy sardonically in the looking glass. “Just because I did not find the duke or Phineas last night does not mean that I have given up on my convictions.”
“But you must see how imprudent this all is,” Miss Fitzroy lectured. “When you charged away as you did last night, I was certain you were going to make a colossal mistake, but Fate intervened and saved you from making such an error in judgement. You have been given another chance to review the situation and come to a much more sensible conclusion.”
“No amount of time is going to sway me, Miss Fitzroy,” Christianna replied resolutely. “I love Phineas now, and that is not likely to change. Just as soon as I am dressed, I shall seek out the duke myself and explain matters.”
“Oh,” Miss Fitzroy said as she dropped the brush, then stooped to pick it up. “I am all thumbs this morning, my lady. Do forgive me. I am just so distressed over your situation.”
Christianna swivelled in her seat and reached out to lay a calming hand over the top of Miss Fitzroy’s. “Allow me to alleviate your qualms, my friend.” She held steadily to the lady’s maid’s hand for a long moment as they locked eyes.
Then, in a most self-assured voice, Christianna proceeded, “You see? I am not discomfited in the slightest. I am quite confident in the decision I have made. The duke does not love me, I am certain of that. And we both know I do not love him. Engagements are cancelled all the time and—”
“But not one of this nature,” Miss Fitzroy interrupted. “I have never known another couple who spent two weeks celebrating their betrothal only to call the whole thing off before the wedding ever took place.”
“Ha!” Christianna knew it was perhaps uncouth to laugh over the matter, but the sound just burst right out of her. “I do agree it is a bit of a conundrum, and certainly all our guests will be disappointed to learn there is to be no wedding tomorrow, but I cannot live the rest of my life just trying to please others.” “And what of your aunt?” Miss Fitzroy asked. Before Christianna could answer her, there was a series of rapid knocks on the door.
“I suppose you ought to get that,” Christianna said as she released the hold she had on Miss Fitzroy’s jittery hand.
“Yes, my lady.” Miss Fitzroy crossed the room, and as she answered the door, Christianna took up the brush that had just been set aside.
I miss brushing my own hair.
She could, of course, run the brush through her hair whenever she wished, but this was one of those things she had given up when she became a proper lady. She always allowed Miss Fitzroy to manipulate the long strands as she was such an expert at untangling the mass without causing pain.
Perhaps when Phineas and I are united, I will give up my lady’s maid. I have come to rely on Miss Fitzroy, but when I am the wife of a physician, I shan’t likely have a need for such frivolities as a lady’s maid.
While Christianna did not claim to know every detail of Phineas’ lifestyle, she understood that he lived quite well in a townhouse he owned in London. His practice thrived, and he served many fashionable ladies, as well as high-ranking gentlemen. For a long moment, she tried to envision what it might be like to live in town with him.
They would likely be so busy that there would not be much time for balls and parties, but that did not bother Christianna in the slightest. On the contrary, she was rather looking forward to spending long hours with her husband, reading leisurely, and discussing new medical treatments with him.
Perhaps, he will even allow me to assist him on occasion.
As a refined lady, it had never occurred to her that her studies should ever amount to more than gaining a well-rounded education and making her capable of carrying on lively conversations with others.
But if she lived with Phineas, a great many things had the possibility of changing. She could be more than just a fine lady lounging in the library. All the ambitions she had long ago snuffed out before they ever had a chance to flourish suddenly renewed themselves, and Christianna was filled with a sense of yearning for this life she so greatly desired.
“My lady,” Miss Fitzroy said quietly, interrupting Christianna’s silent reverie. “It is the dowager duchess. She wishes to have a private word with you.”
“Certainly,” Christianna said as she glanced fixedly in the mirror once more and saw the grand lady entering the room. She was already fully dressed in mourning attire, wearing a dreary black frock as well as a matching bonnet. She swept into the room, and as she did, Miss Fitzroy bowed, then made a hasty exit.
“I hope I am not disturbing you, Lady Christianna,” the dowager said as she drifted toward Christianna’s side.
Realising that she was but in her dressing gown and a fine satin robe, Christianna quickly pulled the collar of the robe tighter to her chest. “You are welcome, Your Grace. I can always make time for you.”
The dowager duchess gave a half-hearted laugh. “I wish I could make the same claim. I do believe I promised that if you came to Bixby Hall, I would devote myself to you entirely…walking you through the paces, helping you situate yourself to this new life you are about to embrace.”
“Think nothing of it, ma’am,” Christiana said respectfully as she turned fully in her seat so she might look at the dowager squarely rather than through the mirror. “I know you have been extraordinarily busy with planning the wedding, entertaining the guests, and…and….”
