Page 57 of A Duke's Temptation Poetess
“Why me?” Clarissa asked. “I managed to avoid this…”
She could not put into words what she was avoiding. Clarissa had sworn that she would not wed until she found a man who she loved. She had never imagined that she would let a man touch her so intimately either, unless she loved him.
So surely, it was not possible that somehow she had…Clarissa sat upright, her lips moving as if the words themselves were sacred somehow. They could not be spoken lightly.Unless I love him, she mouthed to the empty room.
She put a hand to her heart, which had not ceased to slow its quick thudding. Clarissa had read enough of love and romance to know how heroines determined when they were in love. There were symptoms involved; sweating palms, racing hearts, and stumbling over words. She was exhibiting them all now.
“Oh no,” she whispered. “Idolove him.”
Chapter 27
Colin sat in the billiards room. It was a quiet place to avoid the activity associated with preparing a ball. The servants were all about making preparations, and he knew that his sister and Aunt Matilda would be in the midst of it all. The billiards room reminded him of his first encounter with Lady Clarissa. If his Aunt Matilda had never drawn him from the room on that night…
The door opened, and Colin tensed. Watford entered. Colin sighed and tipped his head back against his chair. “You look horrid,” Watford said.
Of course he did. His guilt had kept him awake the night before. Not only had he behaved disgracefully with Lady Clarissa, but such behaviour surely made him the same manner of creature that his father was.
“I am not in the mood to have company,” Colin said.
Watford did not seem to realise that he was the aforementioned ‘company,’ for he seated himself near Colin, who pinched the bridge of his nose. “Watford,” Colin said.
“That is my name,” he replied. “Am I correct in guessing that it is Lady Clarissa who vexes you so?”
Colin frowned. “I have no idea what you mean. Why would my mood involve Lady Clarissa?”
Watford smiled as if it were obvious. “You and Lady Clarissa are in love. Everyone knows it.”
“You and my aunt are determined to vex me at every turn. Are you not?”
“Vex you?” Watford asked. “Simply by saying what we all know to be true?”
“It is not true.”
Colin thought uncomfortably about their meeting in the gardens at night and of his aunt’s observation that Lady Clarissa would make a good wife.
“It is true,” Watford insisted. “I have never seen you gaze at a woman the way you gaze at Lady Clarissa.”
“I am surprised that you have seen anything at all, given the attention that you shower on Miss Spencer,” Colin said.
It was not the kindest way he could have worded the sentiment, but Colin bristled at the insinuation that he was inlovewith Lady Clarissa. Sure, she was beautiful and charming with interests in poetry. And yes, she seemed interested in sex in a more than superficial way. She was curious, like a scholar, and Colin found that admirable.
“You are deflecting,” Watford said, sounding amused. “You must love her very much.”
“Do not be absurd,” Colin said. “I do not wish to speak of Lady Clarissa, and regardless of what you believe you have observed, there is nothing between the two of us. You know I have resolved not to wed.”
“I know that you are protesting fiercely,” Watford said, his voice infuriatingly gentle. “So if you love her and she loves you, why do you continue to hesitate?”
“Because she deserves better! There,” Colin said. “You have your answer. Are you pleased now?”
Watford stared hard at him for a long moment. “Even if she deserves better, she wants you. You make her happy. Is that not reason enough to pursue Lady Clarissa?”
“Watford, if I pursue her, she will have expectations of an engagement and marriage. She will desire a lifelong commitment. How can I give that to her, being like I am?”
“You are a contradiction,” Watford said. “That is what you are. The last time we were in a billiards room alone together, you complained that the ton calls you a rake.”
“They do. If memory serves, you even agreed that I behave rakishly.”
“Yes, and that upset you.”
