Page 25 of An Earl's Christmas Seduction
“Then you’re not in love with her?” Amelia asked.
“Are you still in love with the man in your locket?” he asked.
Amelia blushed. It was hardly the same thing. Shehadbeen deeply in love with Rupert. But as for Nicholas and Constance…
“I honor his memory,” Amelia said, and the earl nodded.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was a cruel thing to say,” he said, but Amelia shook her head.
“No. You were right to do so. My mother’s right. I cling to the past. I was in love with him. We’d have married if the circumstances were different. But clinging to the past won’t bring it back,” she said, finishing her brandy and rising to her feet.
Nicholas did the same, and they stood together by the hearth, gazing into one another’s eyes. The earl sighed, setting his empty glass down on the mantelpiece and placing his hand on Amelia’s arm. A shiver ran through her at his touch, holding his gaze, and she smiled at him.
“You’re right. Perhaps I’m being foolish in my search for the truth. I’m clinging to the past, too. Perhaps it’s time I let go of it. But I want…I just want to know the truth about myself. That’s all. I can’t look to the future until I know the past. You seem to understand that,” he said, and Amelia nodded.
Shedidunderstand, and it was an understanding they shared, an intimacy forged. She set her own glass down and slipped her hand into his, gazing up at him, her heart beating fast, as now he leaned forward and kissed her gently on the cheek. A shiver ran through her, even as he pulled away, seemingly embarrassed by what he had done.
“It’s all right,” she said, even as he shook his head.
“I’m sorry…it’s…I shouldn’t have done that. You’re a guest in my home, and you’ve got your own memories to contend with,” he said, but Amelia shook her head.
As the evening progressed, she began to realize what it meant to leave the past behind her. In London, she had wallowed in her grief, clinging to Rupert, for the simple reason she had nothing more in her life than to do so.
Every day since his disappearance had been the same, and it had taken removing herself from the every day to realize it. Here, in Devonshire, surrounded by new friends and possibilities, Amelia was beginning to realize the futility of clinging to the past, and while she still had the locket around her neck, she knew she would take it off, and no longer be bound by the self-imposed promises she had made.
It was not what Rupert would want for her, and it was not what she wanted for herself.
“But I don’t want to be forever held back by them. I’ve been foolish. Perhaps not foolish, but I’ve wallowed in my grief over Rupert. And perhaps you’re doing the same over your own past, too, though it’s hardly my place to criticize you for it. The past belongs in the past. It’s what makes us happy now that matters,” she said, looking up into his eyes.
He smiled, silent for a moment, each of them gazing at the other, holding one another’s look for a moment. Amelia knew she was falling in love with him, her feelings for him growing stronger by the moment. She wanted to kiss him, drawn by an invisible pull, and a desire to share the feelings growing in her heart.
She leaned forward to return the kiss on his cheek, but as she did, he turned towards her. Their lips met in a passionate exchange. Their hands were clasping at one another, embracing, holding one another, breathless in the heat of the moment.
As they parted, Amelia was breathless, holding him tightly, her head now resting on his chest. She could hardly believe what she had done, though she had no regrets about having done so. From their first encounter in the carriage to the kiss had all been inevitable. She now looked up at him shyly, not knowing what he would think of what had just passed between them.
“I…I hope I haven’t offended you,” he said, but Amelia shook her head.
“A kiss can’t happen without another,” she said, and he smiled.
“Lady Amelia, perhaps we should retire,” he said, and Amelia nodded.
“Yes, it’s been a long day,” she said, and the earl laughed.
“It certainly has, but not an unpleasant one. I really am very pleased to have you here. I hope…well, I hope you feel the same,” he said.
Amelia nodded.
“I do, yes. I’m very glad to be here. And I’m sure between us, we can discover the truth,” she said.
She was glad to think she could help him, and the memory of the kiss they had shared now lingered as he showed her to the door.
“Do you know the way to your room?” he asked.
Another shiver ran through her, even as she knew she could not relent to these new and unexpected feelings. The kiss had been enough…for now. She nodded.
“Yes. I think so. If I can have a candle to light my way,” she said.
He took down the nearest candle from its sconce, allowing the wax to drip from it before handing it to her.
