Page 79 of A Baron's Scandalous Quill
“Still sure this is a good idea?” William asked. For all his encouragement to Alex and Sarah, he had to admit, he wasn’t looking forward to the ball either. They had never felt like home, and the only balls he had ever enjoyed had been with Becca.
“I am confident.” His father smiled warmly and sat down in one of the vast armchairs by the fire. “It’s a chance to celebrate this book. It’s a chance to celebrate the union of us all after all the trouble George Dorset caused. Look at you and Alex. You’re practically like brothers, though, there is no true blood connection between you.”
“I know.” William moved to sit beside his father, staring into the fire. Despite Lord Longfellow’s cheer, he could not join his father in such a feeling this evening.
“So, will Miss Thornton be joining us?” The question made William jerk his head around. There was something of a piercing gaze in his father’s face now.
“What?”
“Miss Thornton. Or Mr. Reginald Baxter. Which would you prefer me to call her?”
“Becca,” William said in full honesty.
“Very well, will Becca be joining us? She should be there, as should Henry, as it’s a celebration of this book.”
“She will not come.” William shook his head.
“Do you not want her there?” Lord Longfellow asked, abruptly leaning forward. “I thought the two of you…there seemed such a strong connection between you. Forgive me, Will, but I thought you were in love with her.”
The plainness of the words, as if his father had just noticed something completely ordinary had stunned William. He sat forward, mirroring his father’s stance.
“You saw that?”
“It would be impossible to miss. Do you deny it?”
“Not for a minute.” William’s voice grew deep. “I have never loved another besides her. I was not expecting it.” He ran a hand through his hair, feeling the stress of the confession. “I have missed her these last few weeks as if I was missing a limb. That’s how strange it feels not to have her there.”
“That sounds rather familiar,” Lord Longfellow said, his own voice soft.
“I’ll learn to deal with the feeling, though, I know it.”
“What do you mean?” his father’s voice now grew a little sharp.
“I know what I am.” William turned his head so he could stare into the fire beside him. “A member of theton.My mother made it plain to me when I was very young that we sometimes have to do what’s expected of us, not what we want to do. I’ll be an earl someday now, and I know what you’ll expect of me. I’ll have to make an alliance in my marriage—”
“Enough.” The word wasn’t spoken tartly, but with surprising softness. “Will, do you think for one minute that is what I want for you? To marry for arrangement? For advantage?” He sat forward hurriedly. “Was my own misery and heartbreak not enough?”
William blinked, uncertain he was hearing his father correctly.
“Maybe your mother did talk once of doing what’s expected of us, but that didn’t work out well for either of us, did it? It made us both miserable. I do not want that for you, too!” he spoke with passion, standing and moving to pace up and down in front of the fireplace.
“To find you at last only to see you repeat the mistakes that happened to us, no, I will not pay witness to such a life. Do not force me to witness that life, Will.”
“I do not understand you, Father.”
“Then I’ll speak plainly.” Lord Longfellow broke off from pacing and turned to face William. “George Dorset raised you, and maybe something of his teachings have rubbed off on you after all.”
“That’s unfair—”
William stood up sharply, but his father continued on.
“You care what people think, do you not? You try not to. I’ve seen it, time and time again, but you do care what they think. You care what thetonthinks. It’s something that mattered to George, too.”
William wished to deny it, but he couldn’t. He felt keenly what people thought of him. He could remember the teaching being imposed on him as a child.
‘Do what people expect of you, William. Never quell or quake in front of them. Do not embarrass yourself.’
“I tell you now, following this teaching of George’s will make you miserable.” Lord Longfellow stepped toward him. “Follow your heart, Will. For God’s sake, marry for love. Be happy for it! Do not do what your mother and I did, and just love from afar. I can tell you from experience, it is a life where you will always feel something is missing otherwise.”
