Page 56 of A Duke's Sinful Bargain
“Nothing alarming, hopefully,” she said to Eliza as the two ladies took their afternoon tea in the garden. It seemed as if nature was cruelly oblivious to the turmoil inside Anna’s heart, choosing to blossom in the time of her greatest distress, almost as if teasing her.
Any semblance of serenity had been broken a little over a week ago, when the solicitor had come to her home and informed her that she was being blackmailed. Yet the days continued to go by, regardless of whether Anna wanted them to or not.
All she could do was count them, frightful and in doubt of what was to come. But she could not stop the passage of time, just like she could never raise the necessary money to save herself. That was an impossible feat, and she would eventually need to come to terms with it.
“It is an invitation to Lady Pentor’s annual ball,” Anna announced, not even needing to read what it said. It was always held in the same place and at the same time.
Lady Pentor was a slave to her habits, which to Anna was not such a bad thing at all. Habits provided a routine, and a routine was a safe haven for some people. Especially people like Lady Pentor. As for Anna’s own safe haven, she did not have one any longer.
A wave of reluctance washed over her. The prospect of attending such a lavish, busy event filled her with unease. That was the last thing she wanted to do, to be around people who might know what was happening to her. All those eyes piercing through her, metaphorically tearing her limb from limb until she would go mad with all the secrets she had been keeping. She simply couldn’t shake the feeling of utter dread that gnawed at her from within.
“You will go, won’t you, my lady?” Eliza paused, her teacup almost floating in the air, close to her lips but not quite touching them.
Anna frowned. It almost didn’t even sound like a question, but rather a statement. She decided to be truthful as always. “I might not. I do not feel like it. All those pretentious people talking about even more pretentious things. I cannot bear it. And also… knowing that whoever sent that vile solicitor to my door with the intention of frightening me into blackmail will be there makes me even more reluctant to go.”
“But you must,” Eliza said gravely, her facial expression serious.
“I must?” Anna’s voice lingered in the drawing room.
“Most certainly.” Eliza nodded without the slightest doubt. “Whoever is blackmailing you will be there. I am almost certain of that. And you must prove that you are not afraid. You must go there and shine.”
Eliza’s words struck a chord with Anna. She was reminded once again of the stakes at hand. She would not be able to pay off that immense amount of money. Odds were that thetonwould find out about her sordid secret. But not that day. It would happen some other time. Anna had not been taught to cower in fear. She could not afford to. Once again, she had to face her fears head on and show her blackmailer that she would not be so easily intimidated.
The thought of facing her fears made her think once again of Alexander. Her heart clenched at the memory of his voice and face. She missed him dreadfully, but his message still lingered in her mind. He wanted her to keep his distance and not visit, so that was what she had been doing.
Not a single note, not a single letter, not a single visit. And it made her feel terrible. The worst thing was that he was able to prevent her from seeing him, but he could not prevent her mind from conjuring up his image and reveling in it. Secretly, that was exactly what she had been doing.
“You are absolutely right, Eliza.” Anna smiled, trying to reassure herself. The memory of their slight argument from before was just—a distant memory. And the two young ladies were once again the best of friends, having only the best intentions of the other in mind. “I cannot let fear dictate my actions.”
“Yes, look how you have taken up horseback riding again after what happened,” Eliza reminded her, much to Anna’s delight. “You proved that your accident could not define you or control you, and neither can this coward, whoever he is. You have a strength within you that cannot be extinguished. And at that ball, you will show thetonjust how brightly you can shine.”
Anna’s heart gripped at those words, spoken by a true friend who had always been there for her. At the same time, it was Alexander who had pushed her beyond the limits she had set for her own self, helping her prove to herself that one’s own worst enemy was truly oneself. She had been constraining herself, feeding that fear inside her mind, stuck in a perpetual loop of fear and feeling not good enough.
If it were not for him, Luna would still be lonely in the stables, thinking that she had done something wrong, while in fact she had only acted upon her instinct. Alexander had helped her take the first step, but now, she had to do the rest herself.
With Eliza’s words still ringing in her ears, Anna made a silent vow to herself. She would not only attend Lady Pentor’s ball, but she would do so with grace, dignity, and unyielding resolve. As for the future and what it would bring… well, she would cross that bridge once she got to it, and not a moment sooner.
“What would I do without you, my dear Eliza?” Anna wondered, gazing tenderly at her friend.
Her fear was substituted by a sense of serenity and strength, which was exactly what she needed at this tumultuous moment. Eliza was right. If she chose to remain home, she would only wallow in sadness, feeling powerless to change anything. But the truth was exactly the opposite. If a change was to be made, she had to be the one to undertake it—she and no one else.
Eliza looked back at her with equal affection. “Fortunately, my lady, you will never have to find out. I will always be right here, by your side.” The two ladies exchanged a tender glance, and Anna felt pleasantly overwhelmed by the knowledge that she was not alone.
Anna also knew that her attending Lady Pentor’s ball would not make much of a change to anyone present, but it would to her. She would prove something to herself, and that was what mattered. Then she remembered something.
“What if Alexander is there?”
The thought filled her with hope, against all odds. Perhaps they would talk. Perhaps they would be able to sort everything out and see what was truly happening. The notion that all of this was merely an unpleasant mistake was a rather improbable one, but Anna nonetheless hoped that was exactly what it was.
Eliza nodded. “I would expect him to be there, my lady. It is Lady Pentor’s annual ball, after all.” Everyone who mattered would be there.
“What then?” Anna echoed her fears aloud this time. Should she approach him?No, no, absolutely not,she reminded herself. She should wait for him to approach her first.
“You greet him.” Eliza took the practical route. “Make small talk. Then excuse yourself, if you do not wish to speak to him.”
Anna thought about it for a moment. “I honestly don’t know what I want to do,” she admitted apprehensively.
“All you can do in a situation such as this is follow your heart and listen to what it tells you,” Eliza advised with wisdom beyond her years.
