Page 22 of The Wicked Duke's Convenient Bride
Tabitha bit the inside of her cheek, feeling even more conflicted. She had not even known that was possible. Many women were married off to men who thought of them as nothing more than the means to produce an heir. She had thought herself destined to become one of those women, and there ought to be relief in discovering that she was not.
Their wedding night had been so pleasurable, though! It had awakened such desire within her that she had not even known was possible, and now, her husband saw fit to deprive her of it. Did he not desire her?
No, surely, he did. She had noticed the intense way he looked at her, and all those touches in the dark had not been those of a dispassionate man. What had happened, then?
“Perhaps I should visit my friend Bridgette, then,” Tabitha said.
Maybe her friend would have some insight into the strange marriage Tabitha found herself in. She contemplated asking Matthew about his behaviour, but she did not want to risk offending the man. Tabitha did not want him to believe her ungrateful. Worse, what if his hesitancy related to himself somehow? She had heard that some men had difficulty participating in carnal activities, and if he were such a man, it would be cruel to embarrass him by broaching the topic.
“You should invite Bridgette to visit here,” Matthew said. “This is your home, after all. You might consider decorating. I do not think these furnishings have been changed in … many years. I imagine they are somewhat unfashionable.”
They were not especially unfashionable, but Tabitha appreciated the sentiment. At least, Matthew had acknowledged that this was her home, also, and he had invited her to make changes to it. That was kind.
“I should like a library,” she said.
He chuckled. “My mother will be pleased to hear that. She has told me often that I should invest in one; she is an avid collector of manuscripts, you see.”
“Oh!”
“I have always insisted that my study was sufficient, but I am sure she will be delighted to discover that you share her love for the written word.”
“You do not?”
Matthew shrugged. “I am as well-read as any man, and I suppose I fancy myself something of an intellectual. I have never been particularly fond of reading for pleasure, however, only for learning.”
“I believe there can be learning in pleasure,” Tabitha offered.
Matthew raised an eyebrow, and Tabitha wondered if he had interpreted her comment as referring to their wedding night rather than anything literary.
“When you read for pleasure, you learn more about yourself,” Tabitha explained. “You learn what it is to be other people and go other places. You learn to be empathetic and to appreciate the experiences that others have.”
“An interesting philosophy,” Matthew mused. “Are you under the impression that all art should have a moral purpose?”
“Not necessarily,” she replied, “but I do feel that it should inspire us to reflect upon ourselves.”
“If you want an entire library of your own, you must intend to reflect on yourself quite often.”
“I am a fascinating subject,” she said.
Matthew laughed. That familiar intensity returned to his eyes, so powerful that Tabitha shivered even with the gulf of space that separated them. “Indeed, you are.”
“And self-edification is always a worthy goal,” Tabitha added.
“Yes,” he said. “I think so, too.”
“So if you do not read for pleasure,” Tabitha said, “how do you reflect upon yourself?”
He hummed. “I suppose I do that in the country.”
“Oh?”
“I have always derived great pleasure from riding in the forests. There is a vast one on my estate, and a path cuts through it. I enjoy going into the woods in the early morning, when the staff are only just waking, and the sun is rising. Everything is quiet and beautiful. That is when I like to reflect.”
“So in the city …”
“Some of the charm is lost,” he said, smiling wryly. “It is too loud for any sort of reflection, but I always come during the Season. Even though I rarely leave the townhouse—well, until this year—I still speak with my solicitor. He tends to my business while I am here, and I maintain correspondence with some of the men who frequent parliament. I donate a large sum to social causes in London, and when I am here, I try to see how they are progressing.”
Tabitha leaned forward in interest. “Which sorts of causes do you favour? I have always been a firm advocate for women’s education. It seems unfair that the fairer sex should be condemned to languish when we have such a learning capacity.”
