Page 43 of The Earl's Forbidden Governess
She took a deep breath in an attempt to steady herself, then knocked on the heavy oak door.
“Enter!”
Though Edward’s voice sounded tired and irritable, the sound of the deep, gravelly voice still sent shivers through her body and her heart pounded wildly in her chest when she pushed the door open and entered.
Edward looked up from his desk, a strange look in his eye when he saw her.
“Catherine,” he whispered before catching himself. “Miss Winslow. What can I do for you? Is this about Emily?”
“My Lord,” Catherine began, though the formality thereof stung. Still, she was unsure how else to address him. “I… I was hoping that I could speak to you. About… about everything, about you… about us.”
Edward’s expression hardened and a muscle jumped in his jaw. “There is nous, Miss Winslow,” he said firmly. “I thought I had made that quite clear.”
The words stung far more than she had expected, but Catherine pressed on. “Fine. Then… will you at least tell me where you have been going? I… Emily. She is worried about you.”
For a moment, Edward’s mask slipped, and it revealed a flash of guilt. Then, as though it never happened, his face settled back into impassivity. “My comings and goings are none of your concern, Miss Winslow,” he said coldly, though she was certain that there was some emotion tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Nor… nor are they Emily’s business,” he continued.
“It is affecting her well-being,” Catherine retorted, her own temper flaring. “And if you…”
“I have been courting Lady Isabella,” Edward interrupted, though he made a point of avoiding her eyes. “And I intend to marry her.”
Catherine felt her word spinning, then coming to a standstill. She staggered back a step, her heart aching.
“What?” she whispered, her entire body trembling.
Edward still refused to meet her eyes. “It is time,” he said slowly, “that I fulfilled my duties as Earl of Wessex. Lady Isabella is… she is a suitable match. It is… what I believe my mother would have wanted. Would have expected.”
Catherine searched the room around her for something to hold onto, as the ground shifted beneath her feet. “Do… do you love her?” her voice came out small and she despised it, though she could not help it.
For an agonizing minute, Edward was quiet. Then, finally, he looked up at her and he sighed. “Love,” he said slowly, “is a luxury I cannot afford. I have responsibilities. Duties. To the estate, to Emily, to my family name…”
Catherine shook her head quickly, tears filling her eyes. “Your mother… don’t you think she would have wanted you to be happy?” she pressed. “Would you… would you be happy with Isabella?”
Edward swallowed visibly, and he looked at her for a long time. When he spoke at last, his voice was measured. “You did not know my mother, Miss Winslow,” he said. “Do not presume to speak for her.”
Catherine knew that it was better to stop at once, but she could not. “I may not have known her,” she said at last, “But I do knowyou, Edward. And I know that… marrying without love, without trust… it will destroy you.”
A frown appeared between Edward’s brows. “Trust? What do you mean?”
Catherine hesitated for a moment. Then she reached into her pocket and pulled out the letter she had taken from Mr. Harper’s room.
“This,” she said, holding it out to him. “I found this in Mr. Harper’s room. It… I do not want to be difficult, I swear… but it frightens me, Edward. I do not trust Mr. Harper and I do not trust Isabella. I truly believe you are in danger.”
“Still that blasted letter,” Edward said tiredly. “You need to stop, Catherine.”
Catherine shook her head now. “I did what I had to do to protect you,” she said, tears forming in her eyes. “I… I care about you, Edward. You and Emily.”
Edward laughed bitterly. “Care? Is that what you call it? Sneaking around, invading people’s privacy, messing with my head…”
Catherine’s eyes widened. “Messing with your… How dare you? I have risked everything to keep you safe. Everything! My entirelife, my reputation, my future… I have done so much to keep you safe and you… you run hot and cold, you pull me close one moment and push me away the next. It is maddening, Edward!”
She thrust the letter in his direction, forcing him to take it. “Do what you want with this. Believe me, or do not. But know this… all I have done, has been out of care for this family. I hope for your sake, Lady Isabella can say the same!”
Edward stared at her. His eyes were wide, though she did not even try to decipher the emotions swirling within them.
“I am done… My Lord,” she said, her voice breaking slightly. “I am done trying to make you see reason. I am done trying my level best to protect you. If you want to marry Lady Isabella, go ahead. But please… do not expect me to stand by and watch you destroy yourself… and your sister.”
With that, Catherine turned on her heel and stormed out of the study, slamming the door behind her. She made it halfway down the hall before the tears started to fall, hot and angry down her cheeks.
