Page 23 of The Duke's Tempting Widow
“You have done a lovely job raising them. It is apparent that they are bright young women who know their own minds. They walk with their heads held high, it’s lovely to see.” Westonoffered, hoping the honest compliment could be an olive branch between them.
Lydia glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Well, when one is raised with a father such as mine, one does everything in their power to ensure that their own children are not raised in the same environment.
As I said, my late husband was a wonderful father and very supportive of their academic and artistic whims. They were very fortunate to have somebody who loved them who could boost their confidence in such a way, for however long they were allowed it.”
“You speak as though you were raised opposite?”
“Yes, my father… he is not at all like my late husband. For that I am deeply fortunate. If it were up to him, Kitty would have been placed in a nunnery for the sin of being a spinster, and I would be forced back into his house until I could continue to fulfill the only purpose that a woman is good for according to him.” Lydia explained.
The fact that she could speak so casually about her father’s transgressions was alarming. There was no malice to her voice, nothing more than simple statement of fact that it was the truth of his life. No wonder Kitty had come to live with her sister. Weston could feel his fists clenching at his side despite how he tried to remain calm.
“That is not to say that my husband and I had a perfect marriage, or that we did not butt heads. Of course we did. Any person who finds themselves in an arranged marriage is bound to have their differences. Some simply ran more deeply than others. I tried to fill the spaces that he lacked in. Of course, as a man,” Lydia chuckled to herself.
“You lot tend to think that you are the only ones who know how to run things. Eventually, I think he came to like the challenge.”
Weston could not help but smile. He wanted to ask if she had loved his cousin, but he feared the answer. He needed to remain respectful. She still was in mourning, and he was a scoundrel for constantly thinking of her in the way that he was.
“Whether it is fortune, or misfortune, my mother died at a very young age. I was granted the task of helping raise my sister. My father employed a governess, of course, but I had to take on many roles my mother might have filled. I went through the trial and error of parenting well before I had any children of my own.” Lydia smiled up at him, a bright fleeting ray of sunshine before turning her gaze back at the girls ahead of them.
It was impressive that she did not seem to resent the burden placed on her shoulders in the slightest.
“I think I can understand, to a degree.” Weston found himself saying, though he did not know why he felt such apowerful urge to have her properly understand him. “I was granted my title at a very young age. One sacrifices their youth in order to affix their future in a positive light. I had to learn a great many things and grow up very quickly to fill my father’s shoes.”
“That must have been very difficult for you.” Lydia said softly.
“No more difficult than having to raise another child while still being one yourself.”
“I suppose that it made us stronger people.” Lydia teased, jostling his arm with her shoulder.
“I suppose in the end it did.” Weston agreed, thrilled with even the smallest of touches from her. “I resented my lot in life for such a long, long time. I do not know if I have fully prepared myself for all of the other implied duties that come with dukedom… I refused to be trapped into a marriage of political gain. Perhaps that is why I developed the reputation that I have.”
He glanced at her, making sure that he was not sharing too much information with her. The last thing that he wished was to push her away.
“I cannot say that Iregretmy rakish reputation. If for no other reason than it allowed me to have those few precious hours with you all those years ago. But it originally stemmed from the rebellious need to not settle down. My parents controlled everyaspect of my life, but that was the one habit that they could not curtail.”
Lydia laughed. “I think that we did a swell job of raising ourselves, if we are able to stand here as prosperous as we are.”
“Go back in time and tell that to my seven-year-old self. I think he would have a fit.”
“I should like to meet your seven-year-old self, I would tell him my name and how to find me correctly in the future.” Lydia laughed.
He wished more than anything that what she said could be true. Perhaps then he would not find himself to be so very lonely without her.
Chapter 13
When Lydia got out of bed, she would not have been able to predict that this was how the day was going to go. Every step that she took at the duke’s side made her feel more and more on edge. She ought not to be getting to know him. Allowing herself to grow closer to him was only going to end poorly for both of them. It was only going to end in pain and heartache if she could not keep him at arm’s length for at the end of the day, they were going to have different goals.
They could not both have what they wanted. There was no middle ground that she could see.
Even worse was that she found herself empathizing with him. Their childhoods were wholly different and yet so similar at the same time. Looking back at her own youth, she could not remember having time to feel sorry for herself or wish for a more normal childhood because she was simply too busy. There was too much that needed to be done every day—it was not until she entered the marriage mart that she decided that she wanted something for herself.
It was what had led her to Weston.
If things had ended differently, what might their present look like? If he had taken her that night, and courted her after, ending in their own eventual marriage… would they still be walking here like this today? Would he have lost interest in her and resumed his rakish ways?
There was a very real fear in her heart that the only reason he coveted her so deeply now was because she was forbidden, and the one who got away. Lydia needed to face this situation logically, no matter how much she sympathized with him.
But if he were to find a place within her family now? A real place by her side?
