Page 136 of The One
“I’m dying right now.”
I smiled. “Mom’s good, but Dad …” I drew in some air and held it in. “He passed not too long ago. When the doctor gave him only a couple of months, he fought like hell and blew through their projection. Eventually, the cancer got him.” I paused. “One of the worst days of my whole life.”
“Rhett, I had no idea.” She touched my arm, leaving her fingers there.
“Losing him … it’s been so rough. Dad was my best friend. We went through so much shit together. So many times, I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for him. I still can’t believe he’s gone.”
Only someone who truly understood what that loss felt like could nod the way she was nodding now. “He was a wonderful man. Always so kind to me.”
I brought the glass up to my lips, keeping it close to my mouth while I said, “That’s pretty much it. Work, family, travel.”
“And trips to the cemetery.”
I swallowed the vodka. “Plenty of those, yes.”
“I bet Pen appreciates that.” She looked down at her lap. “Even now, I’m sure she wants all the attention.” Her voice was turning quieter. “I went the other day and brought her hot-pink flowers. The loudest-looking flowers in the whole cemetery, and all I could think was how much she’d approve.”
When she eventually gazed up, I asked, “How’s nursing? I assume that’s what you’re doing? Some type of traveling program and that’s why you’ve seen so much of the world?”
She rolled her shoulders forward in a shrug. “You would think so, but no.”
“No?”
“Once Pen died, that passion completely left me. I couldn’t stomach the thought of being around loss of any kind. But I still wanted to work in the medical field in some capacity, just not directly with the patients, so I shifted into health care administration. I work for a company that staffs and schedules for hospitals across the UK. All of it’s done online, which is why I can be anywhere in the world and do my job.”
Penelope’s death had affected every single part of her.
It hurt to hear that.
At the same time, I could relate.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
“I do. Except, without an office, there’s no culture, no stopping by someone’s desk and chatting, no meeting up in the kitchen to gossip. The closest employee lived about forty-five minutes from me in London. We’d sometimes meet halfway for lunch, but not often enough.” She tucked her legs beneath her. “That’s why I would travel so much. The walls of my flat would cave in.” She rubbed her hands against her thighs. “It’s funny, even though I wanted quietness, I couldn’t handle the silence at home.”
“Fuck, do I get that.”
“You do?”
I stretched my arm across the back of the couch and crossed my legs. “The quieter the room, the louder my thoughts.”
“Yes.”
“And those thoughts can bring me to a place where nothing feels right. Where I don’t feel right. Where I’m questioning if I’llever feel right again.” I filled my cheeks with air. “Then, the fear kicks in.Is this permanent? Will normal ever be within reach?It’s a spiral with no end, just millions of beginnings.”
“God, you do get it.” She mashed her lips together, her head falling back.
“When you found me at the cemetery, that’s where I was. Crawling out of my fucking skin. My senses on overload. Miserable. I was dreaming about Penelope. She kept telling me to wake up and open my eyes. I couldn’t understand why she was saying that. And then I did and …” I let those words hang there, taking my time to sip the vodka. “I couldn’t have opened my eyes to a better sight. It didn’t matter what you said to me, just hearing your voice, being around you, looking you in the eyes—that was enough. Even though, honestly, it wasn’t even close to enough.”
“Rhett, I wasn’t prepared for you to be there.”
I scanned her eyes, back and forth. “What were you thinking about when you saw me?”
“You mean, were the things I said to you that night one hundred percent true?”
I chuckled. “Sure, we can start there.”
“Where you were mentally, I was there too. And seeing you, that took me to a place I hadn’t expected.” She positioned her elbow on the back cushion and rested her face against her palm. “Instead of letting you in—which is something that probably would have benefited both of us in that moment—I tried my hardest to push you out.” Her head tilted to the side. “Saying to you that what you did was unforgivable, that wasn’t fair, it wasn’t true, and I’m sorry.”
