“That’s what I want to do today. In your bed.”
I surrounded her face with my palms and also covered it with my gaze. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I know.”
I angled her neck back, pointing her chin up. “Your first time should be something you never forget. I want to make it special?—”
“That’s why I threw it on you like this and didn’t tell you at the beach. I knew you’d want to plan something, like you did for our first date at Disneyland.”
“But we talked about it at the beach. Is that why you’ve decided it should be today? Did I do something to persuade you?—”
“Absolutely not. I’ve been thinking about it pretty much nonstop since we got back together. It has felt like the right time for a while. I was just waiting for the perfect occasion.” She scanned my eyes. “And that’s now.”
I gave her a kiss. “Disney was one hell of a first date.”
She smiled. “It was everything.”
“I want this to be too, Lainey. The grin that’s on your face as you talk about Disney—that’s what I want when you talk about losing your virginity. That kind of smile, that kind of memory.”
“And all I want is to be wrapped up in you.”
My heart was beating away, and my fingers had a slight shake to them. “What if I want it to be more special than my bedroom?”
Lainey deserved the fucking world, and I wanted to give it to her.
Not that my bedroom wasn’t a cool spot. But this was a moment that couldn’t be duplicated, and I didn’t want her to think back on it a few years from now and wish I could have done something more.
“What will make it special is you. Us. Together—finally. I don’t need candlelight and music and a hotel room and sexy clothes or anything like that. Maybe later, down the road, when I’m past all the pain.” Her eyes were pleading with mine. “But here, now, this is what I want.”
I moved my nose above hers. “You sure?”
“I’ve never been surer about anything in my life.”
I didn’t lift my hands off her face, nor did I lighten my grip. “You need to know this … you need to hear it.”
“What?”
“I love you, Lainey. I loved you when I was fifteen, and I love you even more now.”
She stood on her tiptoes and closed the distance between us, wrapping her arms around my neck and leaning her body against mine. When she pulled away a few seconds later—just her mouth since I wouldn’t let her out of my arms—she whispered, “I love you too.”
My forehead rested on hers. “I don’t want to hurt you … and today is going to hurt.”
“You called me strong in the car, remember?” She smiled without any teeth. An expression that told me she was nervous. “I can take it.”
“This is different.”
“I know.”
“But I’m going to do everything I can to make it easier on you. Believe that, okay?”
“I knew that before you even said it.”
My hands dropped from her face, and I reached around her back and lifted her into my arms, her weight no more than a feather. I waited for her to wrap her legs around me before I took my first step.
She laughed when she realized what I was doing. “You’re going to carry me all the way upstairs?”
My brows rose. “Do you want me to put you down?”