Page 22 of All or Nothing
She looked tired, I thought, her posture slouched and the shadows of her face seeming more pronounced. No doubt this had been a long and difficult day for her. I shifted my weight closer to her, encouraging her to press against my arm. She turned to look at me, her big brown eyes losing some of their dullness as she smiled.
“We’re almost there, now. You’ll be able to rest soon.”
“I can’t wait. I feel like I haven’t really slept in weeks. No offense but it’s not exactly comfortable sleeping on a space couch—” she stopped talking when the elevator doors parted, revealing my penthouse apartment. Her mouth went slack with shock, her eyes bugging out of their sockets.
“Is something the matter?” I asked, pulling away from her and exiting the elevator car.
She shook herself. “Uh, no—sorry. I guess I was just surprised. I don’t know what I was expecting but…wow. It’s so nice.” She followed me off the elevator car, her eyes wide and drinking in all of the details. It was a very open space, full of bright light from the many windows and decorated in tasteful neutrals. All of the furniture was simple, with the clean angular lines that were so in style right now, but had cost a hefty amount of credits despite its simplicity. Apparently, it cost a lot of money to make furniture that understated. I had painted many of the art pieces hanging on the stark white walls, the paintings in the more public rooms uncomplicated things like landscapes and still-lifes, but in my bedroom and studio I had several more…personal pieces. A self-portrait where I painted in a cleft down the center of my face. A scene from a novel I’d particularly enjoyed, of the novel’s hero finding his love in a crowd just when he thinks he’s lost her for good, the people of the crowd loud and raucous and blurred, but the two lovers utterly still, utterly silent.
I cleared my throat, my tail winding around my leg as the silence stretched on and grew awkward. “I’ll show you to your room,” I told her, setting my luggage to return to its docking bay in my bedroom and leading her through the wide open space of the living room/kitchen/dining room at the center of the space, to the guest wing of the penthouse. Everything was clean and orderly, thanks to the maid I had come twice a week, and I decided to give her one of the corner suites, which had attached hygiene rooms and the best views of the city spread out below us. This wasn’t the tallest building in Escheva, but it was one of the tallest in the immediate area.
“Oh my god, Xollen. Is—is thismyroom?!” She stepped forward as if in a dream, her clothing fluttering gently with her movements. It drew my attention to the rolling sway of her wide hips, the way her flesh trembled ever so slightly with the rhythm of her steps, making it harder for me to breathe. With the late afternoon light streaming into the windows gilding her, setting her pale gold hair aflame and making her already golden skin glow, she was a vision. It hit me then that she washere, in my home, settling in to live with me, possibly for quite some time.Maybe forever.
But no—that was crazy. Why would she want to stay with me that long? She was just helping me get back on my feet to thank me, then she’d sail off on her own and leave me to figure out the shape of my life without her.
Goddess, but I must have been more tired than I realized—it wasn’t like me to be so…poetic.
“It is,” I finally answered her, my tail flicking in irritation behind me. “My rooms are on the other side of the main section we walked through, so you’ll have plenty of privacy. If you wanted you could take all three of the guest rooms,” I chuckled. She spun to beam at me, her eyes sparkling with joy and something else I couldn’t name.
She pressed her full lips into a hard line, looking at my face with an intensity that made me uncomfortable, that made me think she was carefully cataloging all my flaws, but instead of disgust, or aversion, or fear, she looked at me…with yearning. As if she might have wanted me to come closer, to join her in the room, and—
The moment passed, her face settling into the same kindness she’d always shown me, the heat of the previous moment gone, or maybe just imagined completely. “Thank you, Xollen,” she murmured, walking back to join me in the doorway. After a moment of hesitation, she grabbed my hands, threading our fingers together and smiling at me. “For everything. Thank you. I can’t even tell you how much I appreciate what you’re doing to help me. What you’ve given up, what you’re going to give up. It really does mean a lot to me. I mean—you saved my life. I can’t—just…thanks.”
I swallowed, my fingers tightening around hers. All of my earlier grumpiness about what I was giving up fled me. Because it was worth it. It would all be worth it, to have her bright and shining light safe and sound and living in my guest room.
After a moment she dropped my hands, biting her soft-looking lip, then she surged forwards and threw her arms around my middle, clinging tight and pressing her face into my chest. I was too surprised to do anything at first, but as the warm clutch of her body seeped into me I brought my arms up and wrapped them around her shoulders, pulling her in closer and leaning my cheek against the top of her head. This was one of her human hugs, I remembered, and was a sign of affection. I think I loved hugs. It was shocking at first, but once the shock settled something melted internally at the contact, thawing out parts of me that I hadn’t even realized were frozen.
“Sorry I’m always hugging you,” she said as she pulled away, looking bashful. “I’m not usually so touchy-feely, but—um. Sorry, and if it makes you uncomfortable I’ll stop.”
“No! No, it’s alright, It’s not uncomfortable at all,” I blurted, desperate for her to keep doing that, to keep touching me and holding me. Now that I’d had a taste of it I was starved for it.
“It doesn’t gross you out? Because of all those hygiene laws?”
I shook my head. “Not at all.” I considered whether I could convince her to let me put her into one of those slings I saw parents carry their small children around in, letting me touch her soft skin and keep her sweet warmth near me always.
“Well, that’s good. Seeing them all listed out on those forms was pretty intimidating. You guys really don’t mess around with germs. Technically I’m breaking the law by hugging you and holding your hand and stuff.”
I nodded. “Yes, but since you come from a different culture you would not be arrested so long as I have consented. And I do!” I rushed to add, lest she start hanging back from me. “And I made sure to register us as roommates, so we do have non-family proximity permits.”
Her lips twitched like she wanted to smile. “How thoughtful,” she said wryly. “What does that allow us to do, then?”
“Cohabitate lawfully,” I began listing, holding up a finger. “Share utensils and dishes, and enter airspace without PPE. Or at least, those are the big ones.”
Her dark brows shot up towards her hairline. “You mean before we got that permit living on the shuttle together with the others was illegal?”
I nodded. “Oh yes, that was what several of the fines were about. Luckily the medical exams revealed we were all clean, or else it would have been much steeper fees.” Thinking of the fines was starting to sour my mood, so I changed the subject. “Can I show you around to the rest of the apartment?”
She nodded, smiling at me strangely, and I led her through all of the common areas, demonstrating how to use the food synth, the holoscreen, how to adjust the atmosphere of her rooms, where all of the toiletries were kept, and where my room was in case of emergency. I didn’t let her in though, not quite ready for her to see my most personal paintings. We ended the tour back at the kitchen, selecting our dinners. We’d agreed that after a quick meal we’d go to bed for the evening.
I’d selected a nice refreshing bowl ofujennisoup—a chilled yet spicy delicacy with noodles and various vegetables that Joss tried and liked immensely—while she had the synthesizer whip up a custom dish that she called “space chicken parm”. It was alright, but my people were not partial to meat.
“Your ID chip should be ready for implant tomorrow,” I reminded her, “so we’ll be able to get that taken care of, and then I’ll start the process of requesting government assistance. I suppose until you’re a full citizen I’ll list you as my dependent.”
She laughed. “Ew, like I’m your kid?”
I chuckled, taking another spoonful ofujenni. “No, it just means that I am responsible for you,” I told her. “No one would confuse you for a child.”
“Not even when I’m the smallest person in the room?” she teased; aside from Wren, she had been the smallest person on the shuttle, a fact which Uraka had gently teased her for repeatedly. Joss had almost seemed to like the teasing.
