Page 39 of All or Nothing
She laughed. “Not at all! It’s always the same color, white.”
“For everyone?”
“Yes!” She snorted. “It can’t be that unusual out here.”
I shrugged. “Perhaps not for other species, but for all billieuans it is so.”
Her fingers played along my stomach, tracing the faint outline of my abdominal muscles. “I like your little tentacle things too. They’re very sexy. What are they for?”
“Sensing. During mating, they taste to make sure the partner’s hormones are aligned for a successful coupling.”
“Can you…control them? Move them around and stuff?”
An interesting question. “Somewhat. I can’t control each one but I have some control over the thatch as a whole. Why?”
“Just wondering!” she squeaked, wriggling against me. “I just, uh…those would probably feel amazing on my clit. When we, you know, have sex.”
My eyes widened, realizing what she was saying. I could use my tentacle thatch to stimulate her clit even as I pumped into her slick well.
I could not wait until we got to try that.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Dinner with Derris
JOSS
XOLLEN HADsaid it slipped his mind, when he failed to tell me until this morning that we’d be going over to his friend Derris’s house for dinner with him and his mate, Gesea. He was shocked that I was so mad about it.
“But you’ve already spoken to Derris. His mate Gesea is very kind, and very sweet. Derris is the bold one, so if you found him palatable then you will have no issues with her.”
I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes. “That is not thepoint,Xollen! I need time to psych myself up for shit like this.”
“It is this—thisshitto have dinner with my best friend?” He was getting that pissy look on his face that I hated, that meant he was getting himself wound up.
“No, that wasn’t what I meant. It’s hard for me to go out and meet new people, I need a lot of time to prepare myself!” Goddammit, I still had to shave, curl my hair, figure out the alien makeup Djelani had given me a couple of weeks back, find an outfit, figure out if we were supposed to bring something and then get it…
“What is there to prepare for?” Xollen scoffed. “It’s just Derris and Gesea. We’re not even going to a fancy restaurant!”
I was getting so frustrated. It felt like he wasn’t really listening to me. But maybe I just wasn’t explaining myself well enough? For all that it felt like he understood me better than anyone, we were still from two completely different cultures—in a lot of ways. I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself.
“Look, Xollen, I know all that. I know it in the logical part of my brain, but that’s not the part of me that’s freaking out. That part sees any interaction with someone I don’t know really, really well as…I don’t know, like…a battle. Or a trial. I always feel like I have to prove myself, because of how I look, because I’m not where I want to be in life compared to other people my age, because all my life I—” Ah shit, here come the waterworks, I thought bitterly, my next words catching so hard in my throat I had to swallow several times to force them out. “All my life people have seen me like trash. Even people who were supposed to care about me, so I can’t help it. It’s going to take a lot of time for me to be able to walk into something like this on the spur of the moment, without all of the extra stuff I feel like I have to do to be…safe.”
I’d stopped looking at Xollen a while ago, the force of my emotions too much to also have to look him in the eyes while I said it. So I was surprised when he was there, practically out of nowhere, wrapping me up and squeezing me tight in his strong arms. I melted into him, the plush warmth of his chest and the scent of his skin already so familiar and comforting to me. A few more tears leaked out, but Xollen was quickly pulling me beyond them, thawing my fear with the solid warmth of his presence.
“I’m sorry, Joss. I didn’t know. I feel like I should have, but I am realizing I am not the smartest male, especially when it comes to females. Next time I will tell you right away, I promise.”
I clung to him tighter, my fingers digging into his back. “Thank you,” I said softly. He was rubbing my back with one hand and using the other to cup the back of my head in a gesture so tender it ached. “Maybe I overreacted. You’re right, it’s not that bad. It’s just the two of them and it’s at their house. But they mean a lot to you, and I want to make a really good impression.”
He pulled away and kissed me gently. “And you will. Derris is already ready to adopt you into the family, and Gesea likes everyone. Except for my parents. And Verilla.”
That was a name I hadn’t heard before. “Who’s Verilla?”
He flushed, looking uncomfortable. “Oh. She was…we had a relationship. Before I met you. It…wasn’t good, but at the time I thought she was amazing. Further proof my head is full of space dust, because now that I have met you it’s obvious she was cruel and trying to use me for my parent’s influence.”
I knew I shouldn’t be jealous of an ex—it wasn’t like I didn’t have any, after all—but that name, Verilla, brought to mind skinny, glamorous socialites without a single hair out of place, always dressed in something new and ridiculously expensive, flitting about parties like glowing butterflies and catching the attention of everyone in the room. In comparison, I was so…dumpy.
Xollen pulled me close again, burying his face in the crook of my neck and breathing deep. “You are nothing like her,” he rumbled. “You are beautiful, you are kind, you are funny, and so compassionate. You will amaze my friends and charm them even if you show up covered invrakaashand wearing clothes made of garbage.” He lifted his head to look into my eyes again, his expression going somber. “And if they do not love you then they are not friends that I want anymore.”
