Page 42 of All or Nothing
When I walked back in Derris and Gesea were telling Joss a funny story from when we were children.
“…Ser’Yannic was so upset that Xollen had called his bluff about the fitness test that he had to go home early!” Derris was saying, making both of the females laugh.
“I had forgotten how much he used to hate exercise,” Gesea chuckled, leaning into Derris at her side. “He was very quick, and fairly strong, so I don’t know why he did.”
“It was the sweat,” I grumbled, taking my seat. “I hated how long it took for me to stop sweating once I started and how it would just sit there on my face.” It just made my facial deformity more obvious, the sweat sitting on my face and highlighting how flat it was.
The gloss was gone from Joss’s eyes, and the smile she flashed my friends seemed genuine, but I didn’t miss that she was leaning away from me in her chair and that she wasn’t looking at me.
It didn’t feel right, that I should be the one who was hurt by what had happened but that Joss’s feelings were the ones that had to be coddled.
I retook my seat and stabbed at my food with my utensil, but I didn’t eat anything else. My appetite was long gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Xollen Shits the Bed
JOSS
I FELTso bad for Derris and Gesea; they tried so hard to keep the dinner running smoothly after Xollen’s tantrum and my obvious discomfort. I tried my best to relax for their sake, because they didn’t deserve this, not when they’d been so goddamn nice to me, but pissiness and fury were rolling off of Xollen. He didn’t say anything else until it was time to leave, and even that was just the bare minimum of good manners. He refused to touch me or look at me the whole tram ride back to our apartment and by the time we walked in the door I was a raw nerve.
“Living room,” I barked at him, wanting to have our talk in neutral territory.
He grunted, tossing his jacket on the back of a chair on his way to sit down on the couch. I followed a moment later after I’d taken my shoes off and hung up my own jacket. When I joined him on the couch I made sure to keep a careful distance between us, even though it was breaking my heart.
When Xollen stayed quiet, glaring at the empty slice of couch between us, I took a breath and forced myself to look at him. “So what happened back there?” I asked, wishing my voice didn’t sound quite so small and fearful.
“You really don’t know?” he growled, still not looking at me. His tail was hitting the side of the couch with loudfwaps.
“No, I really don’t. What did I say?”
He gritted his teeth, hard enough that I could hear it. “I didn’t want you telling them about that.”
I wanted to scream at him. “What was so bad about it?”
“I don’t want to say,” he huffed.
“If you don’t tell me then how am I going to know whatnotto say in the future?” I searched his face, desperate for any hint that he was softening. His attitude was starting to make me nervous. “Are you…ashamed of how we met?”
“I don’t want to say, Joss!” he spat at me. I hated the way it made my eyes burn. “I shouldn’thaveto say,” he grumbled, his expression dark and stormy.
That hurt. “Well what did you think would happen when you started dating someone from another culture?” I hated the tears prickling at my eyes and making my vision foggy. “I’m sorry but I don’t know what I said that’s so upsetting to you. But do you not trust me? I just want to understan—”
“Just fucking drop it!”he cried, standing up and flinging his arms out wide. “By the Goddess, I said I don’t want to talk about it! If you won’t listen to me over something as simple as that, and you’re asking me to to trust you?”
It wouldn’t have hurt that much if he’d actually slapped me. I was too stunned by the pain to move, to speak, my brain screeching to a halt as those words sank in. Tears fell down my face, stinging and hot, and I mused that in the space of a week he’d managed to make me cry on this couch twice, for two very different reasons.
Jesus, it’s only been a week.
Without saying anything I got to my feet and stepped around him, needing to leave, needing the quiet and the safety of my room.
He tried to stop me as I passed him, his hand grabbing my arm. I ripped myself free and ran, slamming my door shut and engaging the ‘do not disturb’ mode so that he couldn’t get in or comm me through the door. Once I was certain it was locked and I wouldn’t have to deal with him for the foreseeable future I flung myself onto my bed, giving into the urge to sob.
My sheets still smelled like him, twisting the knife in deep.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
A True Dumbass
