Page 57 of All or Nothing
“Uraka!”Djelani scolded, slapping at the much bigger woman’s arm.
I narrowed my eyes at my friend. “What did you do?”
“I may have…forgotten to hit ‘send’ on that text comm. And then accidentally silenced all of my notifications.”
Wild pounding on the door interrupted before me or Djelani could start yelling at the crazy orc, and I heard Xollen’s voice wailing out in the hall.
Djelani got to her feet with a sigh and jogged to the door, letting a frantic and pale Xollen into their apartment. His wide eyes darted all over, searching for me, and when he saw me he sprinted to my side and launched himself at me, sweeping me up into a bear hug and clinging tight. I could feel him shaking against me, and when he spoke into my neck his voice was raw and tight. “Joss, sweet merciful Goddess, you’re alright. I was so worried, I thought you’d been hurt, I thought I’d never see you again…” He shuddered, falling silent. I held him tight, glaring at Uraka from over his shoulder.
Eventually, I coaxed him to sit in the armchair I’d been occupying, though he insisted on pulling me onto his lap and holding onto me tight. I told him what had happened with Verilla and how Uraka and Djelani had rescued me from whatever it was that his ex had been up to. Then he told me about the contract and how his parents were going to screw us over. How after he’d walked out and found me missing they’d tried to convince him to get back together with Verilla and get mated to her, because being with me was a disgrace and if he proceeded with our relationship then they’d cut him out and disinherit him. Derris and Gesea had pulled up while he was fighting with everyone out front, and they’d helped defuse the situation so that he could get away, then told him what had happened to me. “So, um…when we have our mating ceremony we will be using your name, sweetness,” he added, his expression unreadable.
He’d chosen me. He’d been handed everything he’d wanted back when I’d met him on a silver platter and he’d still chosen me. My eyes burned, filling quickly with tears, and I sniffled even as I smiled. It silenced that last part of myself that had been insisting that this wasn’t real, that there was no way I’d met the guy of my dreams and found happiness with him, that I’d actually managed to find someone who loved me for me, rolls and all. He wasn’t faking, and he’d proved it to me once and for all by cutting himself away from his parents and Verilla.
Seeing I was crying, Xollen made a noise of distress and started patting me down like he was looking for an injury. “You’re upset? Why are you upset?”
I beamed at him, cupping his beautiful face in my hands. “I’m not upset. I just love you so much, Xoll.” I sniffled, blinking the tears out of my eyes and hoping it hadn’t made my makeup run too bad. “I’m sorry this happened with your parents. I know it’s got to be hard on you.”
He leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine, breathing deep. “Yes,” he whispered, pain thick in his throat. “But it is also…good. To know where I stand with them at last. And I still have you, my star. That is all I need.”
I kissed him, pouring all of the love I felt for him into it, wishing I could make myself actually melt into his arms. Dimly, I heard Uraka make a noise of disgust behind me, followed by a light slap and a hissed admonishment from Djelani. But I don’t think Xollen even noticed—he was too busy kissing me for all he was worth, holding me tight like he wasn’t ever planning on letting me go.
When I finally pried my mouth off of his to catch my breath the room was spinning around me pleasantly. He tried to pull me back in but I stopped him with my fingertips and a grin. “Easy there, tiger. Uraka and Djelani have better things to do than watch us make out all day.”
His eyes darted over my shoulder, and he grinned against my fingers. “I don’t think they mind,” he said, his voice sly. “They seem busy.”
I looked behind me and made a strangled noise of surprise. Djelani had climbed into Uraka’s lap to straddle it, and the two of them were kissing passionately, hips grinding together and completely oblivious to what me and Xollen were up to. “Should we leave?” I whispered to Xollen, turning back to face him. He nodded, standing up and carrying me bridal-style. I squeaked, clinging tight, sure he would drop me, but he was stronger than he looked, my Xollen.
“Thanks again for your help, you guys!” I called as we reached the front door. “I’ll call you later about hanging out!” Then we were out the door and taking the elevator down to the first floor.
“I can walk, you know. You don’t have to carry me, babe.”
“I know. You think I’m doing this for you?” He snorted, tossing his head haughtily and making the simple silver chains decorating his horns tinkle. “This is for me. I want to be greedy with you and never let you out of my sight again.”
I giggled. “Next thing you should talk about with Dr. Vakkas is this separation anxiety,” I teased, kissing the tip of his nose.
“You love it,” he rumbled, his eyes heavy-lidded. I gulped, my nipples prickling to attention. He was right: I did love it. I loved being needed like that by someone, wanted so completely that they weren’t happy unless I was there beside them. I’d never been that to someone before, and it was addictive. Heady.
“Maybe,” I murmured, my voice husky. Just then, the elevator stopped and opened up on the lobby, and Xollen continued carrying me to his hover, parked illegally out front.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
No Contact
XOLLEN
“SO NOWI am no longer talking to either of my parents, and have blocked them in all of the ways that I can. They will be furious, but I think it is for the best.”
Dr. Vakkas blinked at me, looking stunned about what had happened since last week. “Wow, that is quite a lot, Xollen. I’m so glad no one was hurt, that sounds like it was very stressful for both of you.” I nodded, thinking back to how me and Joss had torn at each other like wild animals on the hover ride back to our apartment, putting it on autopilot so that we could pleasure each other without worrying about causing an accident. “How do you feel about going no contact with your parents?” she asked me, cutting into my reminiscing.
I pursed my lips, my fingers playing with the tuft of hair at the end of my tail. “Sad,” I admitted. “Angry, that they made me make that choice. Fearful of what they might do in retaliation. But I think sadness is the one that I’m struggling with the most.”
“Of course. Can you tell me more about what things are making you sad?”
“I’m sad…that they tried to take advantage of me. That they didn’t care about me enough to put me before their business interests. I’m sad that I may never be able to see them again, to talk to them, because even though they have been awful to me my whole life they…they’re still my parents. And it’s…hard. For them to be gone so suddenly.” Tears gathered in my eyes, and because this was Dr. Vakkas, I let them fall. “In some ways, it feels like they’ve died. Is that wrong to say?”
Dr. Vakkas shook her head firmly, “Not at all, Xollen. In a way, there has been a death, even if both of your parents are still alive. The relationship that you had is gone, and because of whatthey’vedone, it can’t come back. It might be that they can realize what they’ve done and change for the better, and then you’ll have a new relationship with them, but the one you had is gone, and it is perfectly valid to mourn that.”
Tears flowed faster now, and I couldn’t speak around the lump in my throat. I pulled up my comm menu and sent a text comm to Joss, then swallowed a few times and took a deep breath, wiping at my face with the backs of my fingers. “I miss them, but I miss the version of them that I always craved growing up. The version of them that I saw in brief flashes when I was very little. I—”
