Page 11 of All or Nothing
“Excellent. That’ll give us plenty of time to rest and recover.” She took a delicate nibble of the spicy, fishy-smelling stew she was eating. “Someof us might not know how to show gratitude, but I know I am glad that you did what you did,” she said, shooting a sour look at Uraka.
Face dark and stormy, Uraka shoved back from the table and stomped out of the mess hall. Djelani watched her go with a pained expression that she quickly hid. Then she also got up and followed her out of the mess hall, leaving me and Xollen alone.
“I don’t know why she’s being so awful,” I piped up, wanting to break the tension and get his swirling purple gaze to land on me again. His eyes snapped to mine, heat creeping into my face. “I’m sorry for how she’s acting. You saved us all though and…and I know I’m really, really thankful for you. For your doing that.” I found myself smiling, praying there wasn’t anything stuck in my teeth.
But then I had a thought. “Will I be able to get home? Would humans have an embassy?”
Xollen cleared his throat, gulping water only to choke and sputter on it. Once he’d managed to suck some air into his lungs, his face flushing an interesting taupe kind of color, he spoke: “I think you’ll have to go to the shelter,” he wheezed. “The th'rakkans said your planet was in restricted space, meaning it’s illegal for anyone to take you there. I’m…I’m sorry.”
My heart dropped like a stone. “So I can’t go home? I can never go back to Earth?”
Xollen looked just as heartbroken as I felt, like he wished he could tell me something else. His glove-clad hand inched across the table until he was patting my forearm awkwardly. “I…I don’t think so,” he said quietly. “I’m so sorry, Joss.”
Shit. The last thing I’d ever say to my mom was “fuck you”. I’d never see my friends.I’d have to get used to a whole new planet, a new society, a new culture, where I didn’t know anyone.
It was terrifying…but also exciting. For every good thing I was leaving behind there were at least two bad ones. I’d never have to worry about bumping into Alex and his fucking goons. I’d never have to worry about paying off my student loans. And I could even getreallylucky and Billieu could have like, no fatphobia or racism making my very existence something I had to constantly validate. They might just let me be fat and Latina in peace. I’d miss my mom, but we hadn’t been close for a while; losing my Dad had torn her up inside, and we’d butted heads my whole life. Abuelita had been gone for three years now—that was my Dad’s mom—and while I worried what my mom would do with me gone, I also thought that maybe she’d finally be able to move on from Dad’s death without me around constantly reminding her of what she’d lost.
And of course, there was also the very real possibility of being able to get closer to Xollen. There was something about the way he was looking at me that made me think that he liked what he saw at least a little.
I bit my lip, fear making the air feel thin in my lungs.
“A-actually,” I blurted out, my hands tugging and wringing the hem of my thin nightshirt. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to stay. With you. Maybe I can help you get back on your feet or something?”
Xollen blinked at me, looking shocked. “Stay with me?” he asked.
I nodded, my face growing hot. “If that’s okay.”
“I don’t know,” he answered, his perfect brows lowering. Now that we were in better lighting I could see that his hair wasn’t actually black, it was a stunning shade of blue so dark itlookedblack. “Can I ask why?”
I shrugged, my eyes locking on his full, pouty lips.Because you’re fucking hot and I’m lonely? Because I have the chance to have an honest-to-god adventure with a sexy alien man and I’m gonna take it?“Because you seem nice. Kind of…innocent, maybe? But nice. And it’s not like I can go home, Earth’s off-limits. So…why not? I’d rather crash with you than throw myself at the mercy of strangers.” Okay, so maybe that was crazy and dumb, but the longer I sat here, the more I felt myself just wanting togofor it and try some new shit. Back on Earth I never did anything fun or risky, because I didn’t want to upset or disappoint anyone.
Xollen blinked some more, his head tilting ever so slightly to the side. There really was something about him that was kind of naïve. But it made him endearing. And the fact that I was a sucker for a jaw sharp enough to cut didn’t factor into that.
The mess hall doors opened again with awhoosh, and Uraka and Djelani re-joined us, both looking calmer. They re-took their seats and resumed eating.
“I can’t provide much for you,” Xollen said slowly, studying my face with those breathtaking violet eyes of his. “As I said, I’m bankrupt now.”
I smiled. “I know, and that’s why I want to help. You rescued us—” Uraka tried to interject, but Djelani laid a delicate hand on her forearm and Uraka’s mouth snapped shut, her eyes riveted to that hand on her arm. “You rescued us,” I continued louder, “and I want to help you get back on your feet.” I crossed my arms over my free-swinging breasts again, hating how exposed I felt being in public bra-less.
Xollen looked thoughtful, the quiet stretching on until I was sure he’d turn me down and I’d have to figure something else out.
But then he nodded. “Alright,” he agreed. “It won’t hurt to try it out and see how it works. I will need—I would certainly appreciate the help, Joss.” The way he said my name had me feelinggooey. He had no business being so damn sexy.
I beamed across the table at him, then decided to throw caution to the wind and jumped to my feet to come around to his side of the table and give him a hug.New Joss is bold,I decided.This is an adventure.
Xollen stiffened when I threw my arms around his neck in an awkward half-hug, but one arm did come up to pat my shoulder awkwardly. When I pulled back he gave me a puzzled smile. “What was that?” he asked.
“A human thing. It’s called a hug.”
“What is it for?”
“For showing affection. Do…do aliens not hug? Was that weird? Or inappropriate?”
Xollen shook his head. “No I-I liked it. It was just a shock. My people do not engage in physical contact casually. We have a complicated history with disease.”
Fuck, the mask and booties! The gloves!My hands flew to my face, my skin going hot. “Oh god, so itwasinappropriate! I basically just spit in your face, didn’t I?” I’d only been in a partnership with the guy for a single minute and I’d already managed to commit a war crime.
But Xollen shook his head. “No, that was fine. Though please do not ever spit in my face, that sounds awful. I’m just not used to it. Please don’t worry, Joss.”
