Page 38 of All or Nothing
BRINGING JOSSpleasure might have been the single greatest accomplishment of my entire life. Even though she was the one who had experienced it, the sense of satisfaction I’d gotten was surprisingly intense all on its own. There had been a part of me that had believed that there was no way that I could bring her that kind of pleasure, that I’d fail at that just like I had so much else and leave her wanting.
But now that I was thinking about it, most of the other things in my life that I hadn’t been successful with and had abandoned were things that I hadn’t really wanted to do in the first place. I’d gone to business school to appease my parents. I’d dated Verilla to keep them happy and because it was expected of me. I’d remained sensitive and prone to moodiness because I didn’t actually want to be tough, to lose the side of myself that Joss was so drawn tobecauseof its tenderness, rather than despite it.
Great Goddess’s boon, had I ever pursuedanythingin my life just becauseIwanted it? All I could come up with was that I’d kept drawing, kept painting, despite everyone except Derris telling me to stop. And I was with Joss knowing my parents and their entire social strata would be horrified and likely shun me. And look at how much happier I was even with just those two changes.
“You’re right, Joss,” I told her as I nuzzled her, careful of my horns on her delicate skin. “I need a new emoreg.”
She snorted. “What on earth were you thinking about instead of me sucking your dick to get to that conclusion?”
I blushed, grinning. She wasn’t wrong to be surprised. “I just realized that the reason I’ve been miserable and thinking I’ve been bad at everything my whole life is because I’ve only ever tried to do things that other people wanted for me, instead of what I wanted that would have mademehappy. I feel like Dr. Gish’ren should have caught that.”
She chuckled as she pulled me closer. “Yeah, I should fucking say so,” she said, her tone incredulous and a little angry—for me, I realized. “Kind of weird that you’re the one having post-nut clarity even though when I was the one who came.” She wriggled out from under me and pushed me back into the mattress with a firm hand on my shoulder. “Let’s fix that,” she purred, rubbing her palms up and down my torso, squeezing at my pectorals when she passed over them. I shivered, suddenly so nervous that the powerful throbbing ache of my cock was starting to ebb.
Joss had taken everything else about me in stride, but I couldn’t help worrying about this one last piece of me that she hadn’t yet seen. Verilla had never seen me naked, but there were several times she hadn’t quite been able to disguise the look of disgust and resignation in her eyes at the sight of me. Obviously, the female in front of me was about as far away from Verilla as could be, but I still couldn’t tamp down the anxiety.
“Y-You don’t have to. Really, I’m fine. Touching you was more than enough.” I pressed my fingers into the sides of my legs to hide their trembling, praying Joss wouldn’t notice that my tail was squeezing my leg tight.
She clicked her tongue, her face softening. “If you really don’t want me to, I won’t,” she told me softly, her hand caressing my side. “But is this an ‘I don’t think Joss will like it so I’m going to say I don’t want it’ thing, or something you’re actually wanting to wait on?”
I didn’t want to answer her, ashamed of my answer, but her hand on my side was so warm, so gentle, that I sighed and fixed my gaze on the ceiling and admitted the truth. I had promised her I would, hadn’t I? “The first one,” I muttered.
Joss made a sound of distress and my eyes shifted down to see her face filled with feeling. “Why don’t you think I’ll like it? I’ve done it before with people I was much less into than you and I still enjoyed it. If that helps.”
Jealousy flared hot and bitter in my gut, but I tamped it down. She’d already told me she’d had other relationships, and she’d just said that she liked me better than all of them. I shouldn’t be jealous. And it was some sort of comfort, to know that the act itself was something she was confident she wouldn’t object to. But what if once she saw me she found me lacking compared to those previous lovers? What if the fact that she liked me wasn’t enough?
I swallowed, the words not cooperating. I wanted to tell her, to tell her everything, but it was sohard.
Joss seemed to realize my struggle, because she grabbed her tablet from its dock and opened it to its note-taking app, and handed it to me. “Here, write it out. Sometimes it’s too hard to say it out loud, right?”
I took the tablet, my hands trembling, but it did seem less awful than trying to figure out how to turn the mess in my head into something another person could understand.
I worry the way that part of me looks will alarm you. That it will be too different. That you won’t like it, or find it lacking. It feels too much like a fluke that you’ve found even this much of me to be attractive.I hesitated before handing the tablet back to her. She took it and read over what I’d written, her smooth brow wrinkling as she read.
“It doesn’t matter how different you are, Xollen,” she said quietly, taking my hand and squeezing it tight. “It doesn’t matter because it’s stillyou, and that’s all that matters to me. I want to make Xollen feel good by touching him because I care about him and I want him. The rest is just…technicalities. You might have to show me what you like like I showed you, but so what? It’s all still you, and I want to put my mouth on it.”
I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or sob more, so I compromised with a strangled sound in the back of my throat and pulled her down onto my chest for a kiss. I tried to pour everything I was feeling into it, using my lips and tongue and teeth to tell her in this way, since they so stubbornly refused to shape the words. She moaned and melted against me, her pelvis grinding into mine and stirring my cock back to life. Soon she had control of the kiss, conquering my mouth, her hands exploring my body with heady boldness that had me straining against her, my entire groin throbbing with need for her, for her touch.
She broke the kiss, smiling at me wickedly as she slid down my body until she was kneeling between my spread legs. “If you don’t have any more objections?” she mused, her fingers trailing over the fastener of my pants to punctuate her question. My tail slid off my leg to wrap around hers, the comfort from that contact immediate. I nodded, helping her undo the fastener and get the tight pants off of my legs, leaving me in my underwear. She hooked the band with her fingers and then that, too, was gone, and I was totally naked. I returned my legs to either side of her, feeling exposed and vulnerable. I lay there, tense and awaiting her judgment, my eyes firmly locked on the far corner of the room.
“Oh, baby,” she breathed, trailing her hands up and down my thighs. “You’re absolutely beautiful.” I couldn’t help shooting a look at her face, awed by the reverence and delight I saw there. She leaned down, keeping my eye contact and her tongue darting out of her plush mouth. She grabbed me at the root and squeezed, knocking the air from my lungs, as she used that slick little tongue of hers to lick a stripe up the center of me, the tip of her tongue laving each of the raised rings that trailed up and down my length. When she got to the oblong, egg-shaped head of me she swirled her tongue all around it, then pulled me into the wet heat of her mouth.
I’d never felt anything like it—it was an almost overwhelming sensation as her tongue continued to swirl against the underside of my cock even as she took me deeper into her mouth. She made a sound of pleasure low in her throat, and I couldfeelthe vibrations of it straight down to my tightening balls, making me arch off the bed and cry out. Her one hand was stroking the length of me not seated in her silky mouth, and her other hand was stroking along my thigh, inching closer to the thatch of thin hair-like tentacles that sat just above my cock, on my pubic bone. They were a sensory organ used during mating to ensure both partners were ready and releasing the correct hormones to ensure a successful coupling, but I’d noticed that Joss didn’t have them, that she just had thick dark curls of hair decorating her sex.
Her fingers found my thatch, and the tiny tentacles grabbed onto her eagerly, the flavor of her skin sinking into my blood and making me relax. I saw her eyes widen, her lips tightening around my cock in a wicked grin, and then she was petting the tentacles, tickling them and stroking them, making my hips buck up into her mouth. Joss groaned in approval, the pace of her hand and mouth quickening, and all too soon I felt my balls pulling almost painfully tight against my shaft, my release boiling up my cock and setting my spine on fire.
“I’m—Joss—wait—” I tried to warn her, my hands going to the sides of her face to lift her off of me, but she held on tight, meeting my eyes with a challenge, and I could hold back no longer. My eyes rolled up into my head as everything in my body tightened, my seed erupting from my cock into Joss’s hot sweet mouth. She made a sound of pleased surprise, doing her best to swallow me down, and I thought I might cry at the sight of her.
It felt like my orgasm ripped through me for hours, Joss’s grip on me the only thing keeping me from floating away, but at last I was wrung out and spent, my vision still clearing from the stars that had filled it with the force of my orgasm.
Joss gave a happy little hum and finished delicately licking me clean, making me jump when her tongue trailed over my now too-sensitive cockhead.
She finally released me and lay beside me on the bed. “Sooo…how was it?”
I couldn’t think of anything to say. “Guh,” was the embarrassing sound that slipped out when I tried.
Joss laughed, looking immensely pleased with herself. “A five-star review if I’ve ever heard one.” She snuggled up against my side, her head on my chest and her leg draped over one of my thighs. “I wasn’t expecting it to taste good. Earth men taste kind of bleachy most of the time, but you taste good, like honeydew melon.” I had no idea what that was, but I was glad she found it pleasant. “And it was the same purple color as your eyes. Is that normal?”
I grunted. “Of course. The mating fluids are always the same color as the eyes. Is it not this way for humans?”
