Page 99 of The Truth About Lord Stoneville
Anger at his mother for putting that burden on him rose up in her. “She shouldn’t have said those things.”
“They were true.”
“They were not true!”
“Maria, all my life, I watched Mother suffer over Father’s affairs. He was rarely discreet and she, having foolishly given her heart to him, became more brittle with the passing years. She always said that we children were her only joy, that we made up for everything. Then, in one careless moment, I drove the dagger in her heart.”
The anguish on his face tore at her. She grabbed him by the arms, forcing him to look at her. “You didnotcause your mother’s rash act. She made her own choice. When she said those cruel things to you, I’m sure she didn’t mean them. She was just angry at your father and took it out on you—because you were the only one available, and because she couldn’t take it out on him.”
“Ah, but shedidtake it out on him.” His eyes blazed at her.
“Yes. And that is a tragedy. But not one you’re responsible for.”
“You can’t possibly understand,” he bit out.
“I understand far better than you think. My mother died in childbirth, remember?” Tears clogged her throat, but she pressed on. “For most of my childhood, I felt responsible for her death. I’m sure you can imagine how it feels to know that one’s very existence is owed only to the suffering and death of one’s mother.”
“It’s not the same.” The stark anguish in his features tugged at her heart. “You didn’t intend—”
“And you did? You knew that this Lilith woman hated your mother? That she was involved with your father?That by sharing her bed, you might set off such an awful chain of events?”
He tried to thrust her from him, but she wouldn’t release him. He scowled down at her. “I may not have known about Lilith and Father, but I knew she was married. I knew what I was doing was immoral. I just didn’t care.”
“You were sixteen! You had a father who daily broke those rules. And you knew that other men of your station behaved that way, as well.” Tears streamed down her cheeks, but she paid them no mind. “Tell me this: while you were enjoying yourself with Mrs. Rawdon, did you have any thought about your mother and how she might disapprove of your behavior?”
“Don’t be absurd!”
“Exactly. Young men don’t think before they act. They’re impulsive and selfish and randy as goats. I have four male cousins and when they were that age, all the moral training in the world would have flown right out of their heads if a pretty married woman had undressed in their bedchambers and climbed into bed with them.”
“That doesn’t excuse it.”
“No. But it doesn’t make you culpable for the tragedy, either. You have cobbled them together in your mind. It’s time that you un-cobble them.”
He clasped her head in his large hands, his gaze hot with anger. “You forget that I’ve spent my life proving Mother right. I’m just like my father.”
His grandmother’s words leapt into her mind:You seem to think he is like his father, but he is actually like his mother.I do not know why he has pursued his father’s path all these years, but it is not his real character, I swear.
The truth hit her with sudden clarity.
“No,” she said softly. “You’ve spent your life thumbing your nose at her, furious at her for leaving you and the others, for forcing you into the untenable position of having to hide what really happened that night. You’ve been striking at her ghost, screaming, ‘If you didn’t want me to turn out like him, you should have stayed to stop me!’ ”
As his throat worked convulsively, she covered his hands with hers. “But she can’t hear you. So all you’re doing is trudging a path that isn’t your own, growing more weary of it by the day, wanting more from your existence but believing you’re cursed to having less. That is no sort of life for anyone, especially for a man with so much potential.”
A shuddering breath escaped him. “How can you have such faith in me?” he asked hoarsely. “How can you believe in me when I’ve given you no reason?”
“You’ve given me plenty of reasons, but there’s only one that matters. I love you, Oliver. I can’t help myself.Thatis my reason.”
He began to shake, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“I love you,” she repeated as she kissed his cheek. “Iloveyou.” She kissed the other cheek, now damp, though she wasn’t sure whether from her tears or his. “I love you so much.” She brushed his lips with hers.
He held her back to search her face. “God help you if that is a lie,” he said in an aching voice. “Because those words have sealed your fate. I’ll never let you go, now.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ilove you.
The words pounded in Oliver’s ears as he dragged Maria against him. He hadn’t realized how desperately he’d wanted to hear her say them until she had, and now they sang through every sweet kiss, through every caress of her hands, every stroke of her tongue inside his hungry mouth.
