Page 80 of The Bachelor
“Exactly.”
She stared at him. “But I didn’t think anyone on our side was wounded in that battle.”
“There weren’t many—four on theLively, though they had two deaths as well. And only three of us wounded on theAmphion.” His jaw flexed. “My wounds were the worst.”
“Tell me,” she said as she took his hand and laid it in her lap.
He looked at her with a tortured gaze. “I’ve never told anyone what happened, you know. Not even Beatrice, and she was the one who fought to keep me from dying.”
“You can trust me,” she said again. It was the only thing she could think of to say. It was true, but she wished there was a way to ease his pain. “But if it hurts too much to talk about it—”
“No. I want to tell you. Ineedto tell you. You see, I was barely conscious for the first year after I was wounded, living in a fog of laudanum. By the time Icouldtell anyone, I didn’t want to.” He shot her a faint smile. “But I think I must now. How else am I to stop reliving it?”
Her throat was raw with unshed tears. “I’m not sure you will ever stop reliving it,” she said. “It’s part of who you are. But perhaps sharing the burden will make it a little lighter? That’s what I hope anyway.”
He reached up to cup her cheek. “Always the optimist, eh?”
“For other people, yes. For myself, not as much as I’d like.” She squeezed his hand. “But I plan to be an optimist for you.”
“Good. Beatrice could use someone to take over her job. Although, to be honest, I wasn’t much of a sunny-natured fellow even before I was wounded.”
“Really?” she said sarcastically. “What a shock.”
He smiled and chucked her under the chin. “You always make me laugh.”
“I try.” She shot him an arch smile. “Though I’m still waiting for you to tell me how you were wounded.”
He nodded. “It’s not a very interesting story, to be honest. Without going into too much detail about strategies and such, our four navy ships waylaid four Spanish ships. One of them, theMercedes, fired broadside at my ship, theAmphion. We returned fire. Somehow we hit the magazine of theMercedes, which exploded while we were very close to the ship. I was up on the forecastle, and near enough that the lower right side of my body was raked by the explosion. It seared my right thigh, and severed some muscles of my right calf.”
His eyes grew haunted. “It wasn’t just that either. For the next hour it was hell on earth around us. I had seen some pretty awful sights during my years in battle, but mostly the results of hand-to-hand combat or cannon. This was the worst. In the explosion of theMercedes, all but forty of its two-hundred-and-eighty crewmen died—two-hundred-and-forty men screaming, drowning, parts of bodies raining down—”
He caught himself. “Sorry. You don’t need to hear all the grisly details. Suffice it to say, the battle was over very quickly. TheMercedessank. Two of the other ships surrendered. The last ship tried to escape but was captured.”
“And I imagine you weren’t conscious for most of it.”
“Actually, I was in a great deal of pain for most of it, but I was lucky in that I was treated more swiftly than most because of my rank.” He took her hand. “I narrowly escaped having my leg amputated. Fortunately, our ship’s surgeon didn’t believe amputation should be a first resort.”
“Is that unusual?”
“Sadly, yes. Many a sailor has found himself under the saw, whether he wished it or not.” He squeezed her hand so hard that she thought he might break it, but she didn’t let on.
He released her hand. “I was fairly delirious from the pain, but I was still capable of protesting such an action. And thanks to the surgeon’s feelings on the subject, I was spared.”
“Show me,” she said gently. “You told me that I wasn’t hurting you this afternoon, but I can’t really believe that without seeing the damage.” When his face clouded over, she added hastily, “But only if you wish.”
“I do wish.”
As he removed his Hessians, she rose to light a candle from the coals in the fireplace, then went around the room, lighting candles so she could see. Meanwhile, he stood to dispense with his trousers and drawers. His shirt was long enough to cover his privates, and she noticed as she went back to sit on the settee that he’d kept on his stockings.
But there was still plenty to see.
She trailed her fingers over a long swath of his thigh where it looked as if his skin had been mauled and later healed into a mass of raised flesh. When she ran her fingers lightly over it, he sucked in a breath.
“I warned you,” he said in a tense voice. His apprehensive expression fairly broke her heart.
“Yes, you did,” she said, purposely adopting a matter-of-fact tone.
Even though she ached inside for what he must have suffered, she realized now that she had to hide it. When she had unwittingly let her pity show this afternoon, he hadn’t handled that well. Perhaps, in time, he wouldn’t mind so much, but for now she had to be careful.
