Page 99 of The Forbidden Lord
“Thank you, cousin,” he said, shocking her by seizing her about the waist and kissing her cheek. “I shall never forget this service.”
Nor shall I,she thought bitterly.
Now came the distasteful task of explaining everything to her father. He was watching her expectantly, giving her no choice but to plunge right in. She began with Lord Nesfield and Lady Dundee’s proposition, but got no further than that.
“You agreed to this?” he thundered. “You agreed to deceive hundreds of people?”
“Lord Nesfield left me no choice.” She swallowed. “Papa, there’s something you don’t know about how Mama died.”
When she finished telling him about the laudanum and finding her mother dead with Lord Nesfield as a witness, his face turned ghostly pale. He dropped into a chair, his eyes staring at nothing. Then to her alarm, he began to laugh, bitterly, angrily.
“Papa!” she said, hastening to his side. “Papa, you must take hold of yourself! I know it sounds dreadful, but?—”
“I’m sorry, Emily.” His voice cracked with pain. “I’m merely angry at myself. I’ve kept myself aloof from you, and in the process allowed you to be left to that man’s mercy, when all this time I had it in my power to prevent it.”
“Whatever are you talking about?”
He cast her an anguished look, then took her hand in his. “My dear girl, we’ve been silent on this subject too long. It’s time I told you what I know of your mother’s death … ”
Chapter Nineteen
We are wrong to fear superiority of mind and soul; this superiority is very moral, for understanding everything makes a person tolerant and the capacity to feel deeply inspires great goodness.
— MADAME DE STAËL,CORINNE
Jordan had to make a decision. After another two torturous days of travel, they were nearing London, and he still didn’t know what to do.
It would have been so much easier if he’d been able to find Hargraves before he left Willow Crossing. The man might have told him something that explained Emily’s desperation. But a cursory search of the inns had revealed that the only man who’d recently come from London had left at dawn.
Jordan had faintly hoped to meet up with his servant on the road, but that hadn’t happened. Now he had to decide. Should he go to the Nesfield town house at once and confront the snake in his hole? Or should he wait until he heard what Hargraves had to say?
The carriage hit a rut, one of endless thousands plaguing it on the road home. He remembered the road north as havingbeen smooth, without a single jolt to mar it. Amazing how lust could lend a rosy hue to one’s surroundings. Except for the incident at the Warthog, their trip had been as pleasant as a day’s sail when the wind is exactly right and the waves are playful.
He groaned. Good God, he was waxing poetic again. That was what Emily’s talk of love had done to him. He felt it again, the heart-stopping blow to his gut. Love. She loved him. But she wouldn’t marry him if he questioned Nesfield. After a day and a half of listening to her theories about what comprised a good marriage, he knew she meant it.
Deuce take her and her ultimatums! He could either open the door of Nesfield’s nasty closet to see what secrets about Emily the bastard had stored up. Or he could keep silent and let her deal with Nesfield alone. For God’s sake, she was no match for the marquess. She had no power, no wealth, no title … nothing with which to threaten him. She ought to be grateful that Jordan was willing to step in on her behalf.
Yet she wasn’t. In her twisted perspective, his interference merely reflected a lack of caring.
The truth was, he cared far too much, so much that the thought of Nesfield knowing dark things about her chilled his blood. They couldn’t be anything substantial. His darling Emily had never done anything truly wicked. He couldn’t believe it.
But she’d been willing to ruin herself and behave in a way she abhorred merely to keep Nesfield silent. For God’s sake, what could prompt such behavior but something awful? He had a right to know what lay in her past. If he was going to give her his name, he ought to know what he was getting himself into.
You refuse to trust my judgment, do you?Well, if you can’t do something as simple as that, then I don’t see how we can marry.
Devil take her! Devil take her bizarre logic and her pleas and her refusal to see that he had only her welfare at heart!
What gives you the right to decide what’s best for me when you don’t know the entire story?
He groaned. She wouldn’ttellhim the entire story! How could she expect him to simply stand by and watch Nesfield ruin her life?
Well, he would find out the truth from Nesfieldandshe would marry him, no matter what she thought. She’d never make good on that ultimatum. He was the Earl of Blackmore, for God’s sake! Her father would be insane to let her refuse such an advantageous proposal!
But what if he did? What if the rector was as principled as his daughter claimed? What if he stood by her and refused to countenance Jordan’s suit?
Jordan snorted. Then let her be ruined. Let her live her life in shame. It wasn’t his fault if she were such a fool. He’d done more than anyone could expect. He didn’t need a wife. He hadn’t wanted one, and he’d be better off without one.
He half-believed that. For about a mile. Then he drove his fist into the cushioned seat with a curse. The truth was, he couldn’t bear the thought of not marrying her, of never having her in his life again. It made him almost physically ill. Call it fate, but from the moment she’d stepped into the wrong carriage in Derbyshire, she’d been linked to him forever. The thought that he might lose her over this ate at him like an ulcer.
