Page 34 of The Naughty List
She’s also thicker skinned than I realized and doesn’t get her feelings hurt too easily. The kids here have had it rough so sometimes they lash out.
I should know. I used to be one of the worst ones, if nottheworst.
After I sit with the younger children and hand out presents, I overhear a group of the older boys attempting to propose to Hollis. She handles it gracefully, letting them down without hurting their feelings. I hear her tell one boy she’ll be an old maid soon and he needs someone much younger.
She’s the furtherest thing from an old maid.
I was a lot like them at that age. False bravado making me seem cocky and overly confident when really I was a fucking mess.
Still am most of the time.
“Jonah, your girlfriend is simply wonderful,” Miss Nancy, the director of the group home tells me while we clean up. “Please tell me she’s coming to the New Year’s Eve pajama party.”
“Uh, she’s not—”
“I’m his assistant,” Hollis breaks in. “And of course. I’d love to.”
Hollis throws me a tight smile.
“Wonderful!” Miss Nancy claps her hands. “You both brought so much joy to our kiddos tonight. I can’t thank you enough.” She hugs us one at a time then does exactly what I’d hoped she wouldn’t. “Wasn’t long ago Jonah was here, ignoring Santa and his elves, refusing to smile for pictures.” She beams at Hollis. “Though if the elves had looked like you back then, he probably would’ve been more cooperative.”
Hollis’s face becomes a mask of confusion as she looks back and forth between the two of us.
The silence grows thick with tension. Miss Nancy frowns as the realization sets in. “Oh dear. I’m so sorry, Jonah. I didn’t realize—”
“It’s okay. She was going to find out eventually anyway.”
I knew that when I brought her here. I wanted her to know what she was dealing with.
“Well now that I’ve stuck both of my feet in my mouth, I’m going to go help the little ones get ready for bed.” She tosses me an apologetic grimace before hugging Hollis once more. “Thank you again. Please come back anytime.”
Hollis tells her she had a great time and will be back and I know she means it. As if I didn’t already know, tonight confirmed that Hollis is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. She flitted around all night, smiling and joking with the kids like she belonged here.
She radiates this light from inside her and no matter how much distance I vow to keep between us, I can’t help but gravitate in her direction. Me and everyone else. The kids lit up like Christmas trees every time she came near them.
“You ready to go?” I ask, once we’ve finished cleaning up.
She glances over her shoulder. “Um, I promised the girls I’d read them a bedtime story. You can go ahead if you need to.”
Like hell. This neighborhood isn’t great. She’s not going to her car alone in the dark. Damn sure not dressed like that.
“I can wait.”
Moments later, I’m leaning in the doorway of the room where the younger girls sleep, watching Hollis as she captivates her audience with her gentle rendition ofA Night Before Christmas.
An unfamiliar warmth spreads through my chest.
This isn’t exactly how I saw this going.
Part of me hoped she’d see where I come from and realize I’m not who she thinks I am. That she’s in over her head and should remain on the perimeter of my life where it’s safe. But Hollis did what she always does. She ran toward my demons with wide-open outstretched arms and smiled at them—making herself at home in the darkest part of my past.
When she starts singing a soft lullaby while walking around the room and tucking each little girl into bed, I have to excuse myself. Finding the closest bathroom, I splash cold water on my face and give myself a few hard slaps. In the mirror, I see a man I don’t recognize. And it’s not just because of the Santa costume.
Something is happening to me. Something I can’t comprehend because it’s never happened before.
Parts of me that have been frozen solid since my childhood are thawing and it’s an overwhelming feeling I don’t enjoy. Something akin to drowning.
I like control. I need control. When you grow up with none of it, it becomes a precious commodity you depend on for survival.
