Page 69 of Keep Me Still

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Okay. Well, that was unexpected. “Excuse me?”

She stares me down. “I don’t know why or what the hell happened to you exactly, but you’re hiding from life.”

Oh. Yeah. That. “My parents were gunned down in front of me when I was thirteen,” I say dryly.

Her knees give out and she sits back down. “Oh.” Her eyes widen as whatever else she was about to say appears to fly right out of her head.

“I was going to tell you eventually. And about the seizures. How I moved in with my Aunt Kate after the funeral and then had my very first seizure on my third day at my new school when something exploded in Chemistry class. Pissed myself in front of everyone. I had some other…problems. Ended up hospitalized for a long time. Was homeschooled by private tutors until my senior year, when I finally decided to suck it up and go back. But no one had forgotten. They avoided me. And then Landen came and…”

I can’t keep going without crying. Landen saw me. He brought me back to life. And then he left. Then I broughtmyselfback. And we got a second chance. But now I wish I’d just stayed numb, kept going through the motions, so I wouldn’t hurt like this.

Corin nods, and her eyes are moist. “He told Skylar a little bit about how things happened back then. But Layla, I’m going to tell you how things are now.”

“Please don’t, Corin. Just…I can’t do this anymore. Every time I think he wants me for me, it turns out everything he does is out of pity. He gave up his dream, for God’s sakes, to babysit a grown woman. He even gotpaidto do it.” God, I wish she’d just leave me alone so I can go back to wallowing in my pain.

She nods. “Yeah, I can see how it looks that way. But you’re wrong.” Corin’s frowning at me and I can tell she’s worried whatever she has to say is going to hurt.

“Fine. Spit it out. No more kid gloves, like you said.”

She lets out a breath. “He and Skylar got into a fight in the weight room. Skylar said something stupid, because Skylar’s stupid, but the coach cut Landen loose because he took the blame and he’s just a walk-on.”

Oh God. It takes everything I have not to let my pain leak out onto my face. “Well, maybe it’s for the best. Now he can go play overseas like he always wanted.”

Now Corin appears to be the one in pain. “Um, yeah. There’s more. Skylar felt like shit about the whole thing, so he went and told the coach exactly what happened. Their coach made some calls and got Landen a tryout for a team based in Spain.”

“Good,” I choke out because I know what’s coming. I know how amazing he is. How could anyone not want him?

“His flight leaves in two hours.” She glances at her watch. “Um, an hour and a half.”

Jesus. Something inside of me fists itself into a tight ball. My hand covers my heart and my eyes clench closed. I don’t know what to say, how to get this pain out of me. But it doesn’t matter, because Corin’s pacing all around and apparently there’s even more because she’s still talking. “I checked with the international studies department last week when Skylar told me about the tryout. Since you’re majoring in Special Education, you qualify for the study abroad program. You can go with him, learn several other languages, and help kids in Spain while you’re at it. There’s a shit-ton of paperwork we’ll have to do to get you admitted by next fall, if you want to still to do the whole college thing even though…”

I hear the words she doesn’t say.Even though you might not live long enough to graduate.So all my secrets are out then.

“…but I can help with whatever needs to be done here. So, um, you have about fifteen seconds to get your stuff together.”

My thoughts scatter in confusion. What the hell is she talking about? How did we get from Landen going to Spain to me going? “He’sleaving, Corin. I’m letting him leave.”Just like I did before.

“Okay, see this?” Corin holds up both of her hands and mimics pulling gloves off. “Kid gloves gone. Now get your ass up and Pack. Your. Shit. Skylar’s going to drive like a maniac to get us to the airport in time. Kate says you already have a passport, thank goodness, but you still have to get a ticket, go through customs, and check your baggage. It’s a twenty minute drive to the airport, but Skylar says we can make it in ten if we hurry.”

She reaches down and yanks my suitcase out from under my bed. I gape at her as she starts emptying my drawers into it. “Corin, stop!”

She freezes and glares at me. “No, Layla.Youstop. Stop hiding from your life. If someone told me right now that I had a blood-filled tumor pressing on my brain, and I could die at any second, I’d get my ass out there and live. I’d be skydiving and deep sea diving and whatever other kinds of dangerous-ass diving they have. And if some crazy-hot guy wanted to reroute his life to spend whatever of mine was left with me, then you can damn sure bet I’d let him. If I’ve only got a few more minutes to live, I’m tying that fine piece of ass up in my bed and making the most of it.”

I cover my mouth to keep from laughing about the “ass diving” part. But she’s right. “I’ll hurt him,” I say softly. “When I’m gone, he’ll be hurting.”

I know this for a fact. I’ve been there.

“Weallwill be, Layla. And he has us—we’ll be there for each other. You can’t push us away because you’re scared that we’ll be sad when you’re gone. You doing that is as bad as your aunt trying to run your life. You don’t get to decide for us whether we love you or not. I do. Your aunt does. Landen sure as hell does.”

“W-what if he doesn’t want me to come to Spain with him? And what about you? What will you do for a roommate?”

She rolls her eyes at me. “I can almost guarantee he does. But even if he doesn’t, you need to risk it, like he risked everything coming here for you. To be honest, I’m not sure I can handle looking into your eyes for the rest of the year if you don’t at least try to work things out with him. And as for me, I’ll figure something out. Maybe get a small apartment or see if Skylar’s friend wants to sublet his. I got the job at the diner, so it’d be close.”

I bite my lip, shocked I’m even considering this. But I feel more alive than I have since the last time Landen and I made love. “My aunt is going to flip out.”

“Yeah, I called her. She did. Serves her right.” Corin goes back to packing, and I can’t believe what I’m about to do. But my heart is beating hard and fast because Iamalive. And I’m going to live this life. Dammit.

“Wait. Shit. I’m doing exactly what everyone else does. Telling you what to do.” Corin freezes for a moment and stares at me. “What doyouwant to do, Layla? Where do you want to be when you wake up tomorrow? Here? Georgia? With Landen?”