Page 33 of Keep Me Still
“Maybe we don’t have to do this to each other,” I suggest, unable to look at him. “Maybe we can just leave it.”
He stiffens. “Please don’t say you want to be friends, because honestly, I’d rather you break this bottle over my head and use it to slice me open.”
“Jesus, Landen. I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to say we can be civil, we can live and let live. We’re both adults now—it doesn’t have to be like…like it was in there.”
“That what you want?” he asks, round, warm eyes pleading into mine.
“Mmhm,” I murmur, because what can I say?No, I want you. I want you to have kissed me back then, to have loved me like I loved you, to love me still. To keep me still like you used to.Yeah, no.
“You’re different,” he announces suddenly, his voice clear and devoid of the intimate intensity that’s been singeing between us for the past few minutes.
I shrug. “People change.”
“The Layla I used to know wasn’t much of a party girl.” He’s smirking at me, and my skin prickles in annoyance.
“The Landen I knew wouldn’t have pinned a teammate against a wall for no good reason.”
“Oh I had a reason,” he mumbles, and I’m beyond irritated at his arrogance. “He was touching you.”
Anger flares within me. “Oh, no! Some guy finally saw me as more than a charity case, so you had to sweep in and fix it? A member of the male species saw me as more than a friend, and you’re pissed because I’m supposed to wait until you sort out all your women and figure out what you want from me? I’ll pass.”
“All my women? What the fu—”
“TellDannihello for me,” I say, finally standing and bracing myself to walk away. For good. “And feel free to leave me alone from here on out.”
“Dammit, Layla,” he shouts. Shattering glass rings out across the small yard as the bottle he’s thrown connects with the wooden fence. Whirling around, I meet his panicked stare, but I’m okay. The darkness doesn’t come, because the medicine is working. For now. But he’s an asshole for doing it and we both know it.
“Nice.” The acidic pain and disbelief leak into my voice. It hitches but I don’t care.
“God, I’m sorry,” he slurs. “Layla, please…I’m so fucking sorry.” He runs a hand through his hair and struggles to stand. Looking at him, I can see he’s damaged. Broken like I was when we first met this time last year. And he helped me, pulled me out of the darkness. A part of me is grateful and wants to reach out and pull him up now. Return the favor. But I’m still hurting. Seeing him still hurts. Bad. And it’s a hell of a lot more likely that he’ll just pull me down with him if I try.
Shewalked away. Just like before. Didn’t even bother with a goodbye this time.
And I deserved it. It’s for the best, I tell myself the next day at practice. Layla Flaherty has the power to ruin me. To turn me into the worst version of myself. I finally cut all ties with the Colonel, so I’ll be damn if I give anyone that kind of power over me again. Not even her.
“Hey, about last night. My bad, man,” I say to Taite while we line up for sprinting drills. “I know her, and we have a bit of unfinished history.” My pride tastes like shit going down, but dude could make my life a living hell if he really wanted to. And I was out of line. He didn’t know I knew her, and who the fuck am I anyways? She’s obviously over it, whatever it was.
“It’s cool, O’Brien. But maybe next time you could just casually bring it to my attention if I’m scamming on your girl?” He grins and I feel like an even bigger dick because Taite’s not Blackburn. He’s actually a decent guy.
“I’ll do that,” I say as I move up in line. But I won’t. Not really. Because she wasn’t really ever mine. And it’s time to let her go.
Lether go. Let her go. Let her go.I’m repeating it in my head like a lifeline as I run myself into the ground after practice. If I’m exhausted, I can’t lie awake thinking about her. About how much stronger she is now. The irony isn’t lost on me. Once upon a time, she was an island, and I pulled her to shore. And now I’m all fucked up and lost in the dark, and she’s the one holding the damn flashlight.
But why should she save me?
“Not that I’m not enjoying this five-mile sprint after practicing my ass off, but you about done yet?” Skylar’s keeping pace with me but his gray practice shirt is drenched. “Because I’m damn sure done.”
I’m not. Not until I run her out of my system. Or at least my need for her. “You can go back to the dorm if you want. Bake some cookies or some shit.”
“Fuck you, dude. Seriously. You need to get laid something fierce.”
I pant for breath but force myself to go faster. “You volunteering?”
“Naw, but I’ll take an ad out in the school paper if you want. Uptight motherfucker, needs a release, preferably of the vagina kind.”
Laughing makes my side pinch so I slow to a stop and put my hands up on top of my head.
“Your Georgia peach not giving it up or what?” Skylar presses, leaning over to clutch his knees.
