Page 29 of Loathing Ryan
There was still plenty of daylight left. “We should figure out a way to catch some food for tonight,” I announced.
Ryan nodded. “I think I saw a fishing pole and a net in that closet over there,” he said, walking over to the door and pulling it open. Sure enough, an old red fishing pole sat there, just waiting for us to use it. “Now we just need some bait.”
“Where do we get that?” I asked.
“The dirt,” he responded, smirking. “I hope you like earthworms.” He chuckled when I made a grossed-out face. Motioning for me to follow him outside, he showed me how to dig into the mud and grab ahold of the slimy little buggers.
We walked away from the cabin until we found a small pond. There was a rickety wooden dock that jutted out over the water. Ryan led the way until we were at the very edge of the dock, looking down over the pond. I could see a few fish directly under the water’s surface, minding their own business and completely unaware of the terror about to be rained down upon them. Ryan sat himself down with only a minor expression of discomfort. I plopped myself down next to him and watched as he set up the fishing pole by getting the line all situated and then hooking the worm on the end.
Tossing the line into the water, he rolled his shoulders back. “This might take a while.” He looked over at me with a sheepish shrug. “Sometimes they like to be difficult.”
I watched him reel the line back in every few minutes and then toss it back out in a different area. “How do you know how to do all this?”
“My dad and I used to go camping a bunch,” he told me. “He taught me how to fish, make a fire, all that stuff.”
I pulled up my knees and wrapped my arms around them. “I bet he’ll be proud to hear of everything you’ve done when we get back.”
Ryan turned his head to look at me. He studied my face as if he were looking for the deeper meaning of my comment. His expression was wary, almost distrustful, as he watched me. I suddenly felt self-conscious about what I said to him. Was that too bold of me? I mean, I hardly knew Ryan, much less his father. Or did he possibly think I was testing him like he had tested me so many times already this summer?
Finally, Ryan tore his eyes away and said in a flat voice, “My dad died when I was ten.”
A sick feeling settled in my gut, and my eyebrows shot up on my forehead.Shit,way to go, Izabel.“God, Ryan, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay. How would you have known? It’s not like we’refriendsor anything. Plus, it was a long time ago.” Even though he brushed me off, I could tell that it still upset him.
We slipped into silence for a bit. I was building up the courage to ask him about it. I looked over at Ryan, who was staring at the water, not blinking, probably thinking about his dad. I couldn’t even imagine. Ten years old, still a boy. A boy who probably needed his father.
“What happened?” I blurted out before biting my lip in regret.
He leaned his head back and gave a small sigh. It was obviously hard for him to talk about. “He was in the military. His last deployment was to Afghanistan. He never came home.”
“I’m sorry, Ryan.”
“Yeah…” He looked off into the distance. “They gave my mom a folded-up flag and a 100k to help with the mourning. Nothing like losing the love of your life in service to his country and getting paid off, huh?” His voice was light and teasing, but I could hear a faint sound of pain laced in his tone.
I pressed my lips together, unsure how to respond to that. Ryan laughed humorlessly under his breath. “Mom took that money and gave it right to Bennett, thinking that my dad would have wanted it to go into my education.”
My stomach churned, making me feel nauseous, as I thought about the rumors going around about the money Ryan’s parents donated to the school. Even I was guilty of thinking the worst about it. I had thought that Ryan was treated better because of the money his parents had donated. I never would have imagined that there was such a deeper meaning behind it. “I’m sorry,” I said again, though this time, I wasn’t sure if I was apologizing for Ryan’s dad dying or if I was apologizing for me thinking the worst of him and his family.
He shrugged and looked over at me with a smile on his face. “It’s okay. I miss him, but I still have my mom. It’s just been the two of us, well—sort of.”
“What does that mean?”
He laughed under his breath. “She’s got this new boyfriend, Derek. And right before we got to camp, she called to tell me that they had something they needed to talk to me about. I’m assuming they’ll be getting married soon.”
I fell silent for a second. “How do you feel about that?”
Ryan shrugged and rubbed at his jaw. “I’m not sure. I guess I didn’t expect her to be alone forever, but it’s going to be weird if Derek moves in.”
“I’m sorry,” I said once more.
Ryan gave me another smile. “It’s okay. Just changes, you know? I just want my mom to be happy. She’s been through way too much with losing my dad.”
“Well, I think he would still be proud of you,” I told him earnestly.
Now the smirk came back with full force. “My God, Bells. I’d say that was a compliment if I didn’t know any better.”
I leaned over and shoved his shoulder with mine, some of the tension and guilt I was feeling ebbing away. “Shut up and fish.”
