Page 31 of Loathing Ryan
“I’m not brave,” she started and gave me a tight smile. “I’m not even that good of a swimmer.”
I knew she was trying to joke to lighten the heavy mood that had descended on us, but I didn’t crack a smile. “How could you not be brave? We were stranded in the middle of the woods, and I got hurt. Instead of panicking and shutting down, you took control and did what you had to do.” I shook my head, bewildered. “You’re brave. There’s not a doubt in my mind.”
She bit her lip and watched me silently as I went back to tracing patterns on the table. Her lips were pursed to the side as she pondered the sincerity of my words. She looked hesitant when I glanced back up at her, as if she wasn’t sure what to make of this new side of me she was witnessing. I let her stew over it for a few minutes.
Finally, she regained her voice and changed the topic. “What are your plans for next year? Have you been accepted to any colleges?”
I leaned back in my chair, feeling perfectly content. I enjoyed these conversations with her immensely, and I never wanted them to end. “Sort of. It’s kind of complicated.”
“Well, it’s not like we’ve got anywhere to be,” she teased. My chest tightened. I loved when Bells got playful. “Tell me.”
“It’s kind of like a dual-credit program,” I started. “I’ll be moving to Germany to work for a company called Bates Industries in Berlin. It’s an engineering firm that offers an internship program where they’ll cover the tuition for me to get my bachelor’s degree and my master’s.”
Izabel’s eyebrows rose on her forehead. “Ryan—wow. That’s huge.”
“Yeah, I guess it is. It will be weird living away from home for so long.”
“How long is the program?”
I winced a little. “Five years? Give or take a few months.”
She nodded like she understood. “That is a long time.”
“I mean, I’ll get breaks and everything to come back and visit. But, it will definitely be a bit of a change.”
“That’s really exciting, though. I’m sure it’s a great opportunity.”
I nodded. “It is. Thanks, Bells.”
“I’m going to Princeton,” she told me proudly.
I offered her a grin. “Ivy League. Figures. Good for you, Bells. I never took you as a Jersey girl.”
She shrugged. “My dad went there. It’s always been a dream of mine.”
“What are you planning on majoring in?”
“History. I’d like to teach.”
I chuckled quietly. “I can see you being a teacher.” I looked her up and down, assessing her in a joking manner. “All your male students would be hot-for-teacher, for sure. Just gotta get you some thick-rimmed glasses, a pencil skirt, and it would be every teenage boy’s fantasy.” I’d be lying if I didn’t appreciate that mental image. I could see it so vividly in my mind, and it caused my body to heat with a newfound desire for her.
“You’re disgusting,” she said with a wrinkle of her nose.
I gave her a wry grin. “Yeah, but you love it.”
She shook her head, her lips twitching, but she didn’t respond. I watched her for a moment more, trying to move past the visual of her, before scooting my chair back and standing. The wound in my side still stung a bit with certain movements, but I couldn’t give too much thought to that, still consumed with the way my body was responding to the little schoolteacher fantasy I had conjured.
I cleared my throat awkwardly and said, “Think I’ll go outside again for a bit.”I knew I had to get out of her vicinity before I did something utterly stupid like indicate the level of attraction I was currently feeling.
“Okay,” she said, eying me suspiciously, as if she could tell the direction of my thoughts. “I’ll probably just stay in here.”
I tossed up my hand in a wave and then exited the cabin again. As I walked out, I couldn’t ignore the way my chest hurt, thinking about how cute Izabel looked when she wrinkled her nose at me.
Throughout the following couple of days, my thoughts continued to turn to Izabel more than I would like to admit. I felt like I was experiencing my first crush all over again. Every spare second, my mind was returning to her, and I was wondering what she was doing or what she was thinking about. I had to get a grip. This wasIzabel. We were destined to always be at each other’s throats. I knew for a fact that there wasn’t a chance in hell she would ever feel anything more than hatred toward me. I had made my bed back then without even realizing it, and all I could do now was lay in it.
Even if something did happen between us, I could only think about what my friends would say if they found out. They’d give me hell for it, I already knew. Todd especially. He wouldn’t understand. Todd was more of a ladies’ man than I was. Liam would smirk and punch my shoulder, but then he’d leave it alone. It would be the appropriate amount of razzing, but then he’d move on.
But as I sat there, casting and reeling in my fishing line, I couldn’t help but imagine what it could be like after the fact. I bet Izabel was a fucking fantastic kisser. Just by looking at those rosy full lips of hers, I had no doubt in my mind. Had she ever even had a boyfriend? I knew that no one from Bennett was brave enough to ask her out. Pretty much everyone knew about our game and that she was mine.
