Page 36 of Loathing Ryan
“I just feel like I didn’t really give you a chance. I just went into panic mode and shut down.” She glanced at me and then quickly looked away. “If I’m being honest, I liked that you kissed me.”
I swallowed thickly, heart beating a little faster. “Yeah?”
She nodded. “It was nice. So I’m sorry that I jumped down your throat. I do accept your apology. And I’d like to maybe have a fresh start. You’ve already proven yourself to me. It would be unfair of me to ignore all of that.”
My shoulders lost some of their tension as her words soothed something deep inside of me. A sense of relief filled my chest. Maybe I was finally getting somewhere with her.
“Thanks, Bells,” I said. “That means a lot to me.”
“Do you think we can be friends again?” she asked, her voice small.
I laughed and hugged her tighter to me. “Yeah, I think we can do that.”
Izabel and I stayed in bed for a while longer, just talking. She had taken to tracing unidentifiable patterns on my chest, which I secretly loved. Every swoop of her fingernail had goosebumps threatening to raise on my arms.
I relished being this close to her. Even with our disagreement yesterday, I felt like I was becoming more and more transfixed with her with every minute that passed. I couldn’t deny that even yesterday, after our tiff, my thoughts kept jumping to her.
I had tried my hardest to give her space, even though she hadn’t outright asked for it. I understood that there had been a major shift in our dynamic after I had kissed her, and I wasn’t upset that she hadn’t responded the way I initially hoped. I shouldn’t have rushed her, so the least I could do was let her work through it on her own. Throughout the rest of the day, Izabel and I mostly kept to ourselves, but she was around more. As evening rolled around, I picked up the guitar when she found her book, and we settled on the little couch, getting ready to wind down for the day.
But her eyes kept darting over to me as I strummed on the guitar, playing around with different keys and chords. Finally, I couldn’t withstand the tension anymore.
“Like what you see, Bells?” I asked, pulling her out of her silent appraisal of me.
She jolted like I startled her. Her big blue eyes fell on mine, and her cheeks instantly heated in a blush. “What?”
“You keep staring at me,” I explained with a smirk. “So I asked if you liked what you saw.”
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. The blush was still prominent on her cheekbones. “I just—I like listening to you play.”
“Thanks,” I say, feeling satisfied with myself as I reached for my glass of water on the small table next to me.
“I’ve had sex before,” she announced, sitting up straight and squaring her shoulders as she stared at me.
I nearly spat out my water, but somehow managed to swallow it down. I looked at her, eyes wide, thrown off by the abrupt change in subject. What the hellwasgoing through her mind as she watched me play? “Do you want a trophy?”
Her cheeks heated into an even darker shade of crimson and her lips twitched a little. “I’m just saying, so you know.”
“Okaaay…” Though I was playing it off, I honestly was a little surprised.
“And I have an IUD.”
This time when I looked at her, my jaw was slack. What the hell was she doing telling me all of this?
“My mom made me get one after she found out I had sex last summer. She was determined that I wasn’t going to get pregnant in high school.”
“That’s, uh—” I rubbed the back of my neck. “That’s great, Bells.”
She shot me an unamused look. “Yeah, I figured you’d say that.”
I snorted. “Well, what the hell do you want me to say when you drop a bomb like that on me?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just wanted to squash any rumors you heard of me being a prude or whatever. Lay all the cards out on the table. That I’ve had sex.”
I grimaced, gripping the muscles on my neck even tighter. “I feel like this is a trap.”
“No trap. I mean—” She hesitated, but then squared her shoulders. “It’s not like I’m aprofessionalby any means. It was only twice. But just so you know, I do have some experience.”
Christ on a cracker, what the fuck was happening right now? “Glad to hear that, Bells.”
