Page 48 of Loathing Ryan
And to think I was starting to change my mind about him. This is how he repays me. Ugh!
I marched through the woods, wondering where I was headed. I went opposite the pond and toward where we initially came from all those days ago. Ten days. I had been stuck out here with my arch-nemesis for ten days. It was no wonder I was starting to go bat-shit crazy. Somehow Ryan had convinced me that he actually was a decent guy, only to turn around and pull a stunt like this. I had to get out of here. I had to go home.
My heart was still racing as I stormed toward wherever I was going. I noticed the ground was rougher out here than it was near our cabin. Ryan had cleared a path from the house to the stream so I could join him while he fished. The ground was smooth there. Out here, it was rocky and rough, and I could feel the bottom of my feet protesting with every step.
Maybe he was right. I had only been throwing this tantrum for what, fifteen minutes? And I was already complaining about my bare feet. No way would I have been able to walk miles like this.
But that still didn’t excuse his wanting toleaveme! I thought we had become a team. I was under the impression that we did things together. I guess not.
I knew the immense feeling of betrayal I was dealing with came from the shift that had happened as Ryan and I started to grow closer. It was like once those sinful lips touched mine, I was a goner. It hurt to think he may have just been using me as a distraction. I couldn’t focus on the hurt I felt, though. I had to focus on the anger.
But I couldn’t. Whenever I tried to stay angry at him, I kept coming back to all the fantastic moments we had had together in the last few days—waking up with him every morning, falling asleep to his deep murmurs every night. The light kisses he would place on my nose would make me laugh. It started to become harder to think that he would do anything purposefully to hurt me. At least now.
As I sorted out my thoughts and put some space between us, I concluded thatmaybeI had overreacted. Unquestionably, Ryan would have come back. He was just thinking of me and what would be the best way to get us back home. My feet finally stopped moving, and I stood there, surrounded by the forest. The woods were silent, aside from birds chirping and squirrels rummaging in the leaves.
I spun around in a circle, trying to see anything to tell me where I was. Nothing but trees and more trees. How long had I been walking? It surely hadn’t been that long. Which way was the cabin?
Maybe this way? I started walking back in the direction I was pretty sure I had come from, but it didn’t look familiar. This was bad. This was very, very bad. I kept going; if I stopped, I would be a sitting duck, which was even worse.
For the second time so far that day, I felt panic setting in. What if I couldn’t find the cabin again? I would be lost out in the woods, and someone would finally see the cabin and rescue Ryan. And I would be out here, in the middle of nowhere.
I started to run, ignoring the acorns and rocks getting lodged in my foot. As adrenaline pumped through my body, every other care seemed to disappear. I had to get back to the cabin, back to Ryan. I ran as hard as I could. My lungs felt like they were going to explode, and my foot would probably have to be amputated when this was all said and done. The trees were blurring in my peripheral vision. I had no idea where I was going, but I hoped with everything in me that it was the right way.
It was getting to the point where I felt like I couldn’t go any farther. My legs were on fire, and I could barely breathe. My strides were wobbly, and I swayed to either side as I ran. My foot struck a root or a rock or something, and I pitched forward toward the ground. I caught my fall with my hands, but still landed harshly.
I lay on the ground for a while, glad no one was around to see that graceful maneuver. I took stock of my body to make sure nothing was severely injured. I didn’t see any blood. Pushing myself onto my hands and knees, I grabbed hold of a tree branch to my left.
I nearly collapsed again when I tried to put weight on my feet. White-hot pain shot through my right foot. Great. I was on my hands and knees again, trying to catch my breath.
But I tried again, only to be met with the same results. This was bad. There was only one thing that I could do at this point. Pride be damned.
I screamed Ryan’s name.
21
RYAN
I watchedthe cabin door slam behind Izabel as she stormed out. My head fell into my hands as I replayed the argument we had just had. I was a moron. Why would I ever consider that I could leave her out here? I swear my intentions were good, but I was definitely in the wrong on this one.
Where was she even going? I stood up and walked to the window, where I could see Bells stomping off into the woods. I debated going after her, but decided against it. She didn’t want to be around me right now. That was fine. We would talk it out when she was ready.
Honestly, I wasn’t expecting her to react that way when I initially came up with the plan. I heard the urgency in her voice when she said she wanted to go home. She wouldn’t have been able to make the trip without her shoes. The ground was gravel, sharp and pointy. I couldn’t carry her–not because she wastoo heavy. Jesus, I had never heard anything more ridiculous.
I tried not to think about the weight that had formed in my chest at the thought of her being angry with me. Before this mess, it would’ve been whatever. But now, she was my partner. She was the only one I had out here. I wanted to be everything to her, like she was quickly becoming everything to me.
As soon as we got out of there, I was determined to make sure she knew how I felt about her. This wasn’t over when we got back home. I wasn’t ready to let her go yet. I don’t know if I would ever be ready. I wanted to explore where this new relationship could go.
I was obsessed with everything, Izabel. I found myself searching for reasons to make her smile, just to see the way her lips curved up in the corners, or how she scrunched her nose when she laughed at something I did. I loved how she made little mouse noises when she slept or pulled me close to her when she was dreaming. Oh, I would kill to know what she dreamed about. I hoped it was me. The more time I spent with her, the more I found a million other reasons that made her even more appealing to me.
My hands drummed against the table as I waited for her to return. Where was she? I glanced at the clock. She had been gone a while. I didn’t think she would have been out this long. Standing up, I went to the door, putting my hands on my hips. My eyes scanned the woods that lay outside the cabin.
Then I heard it.
A shrill scream echoed into the cabin and immediately had my heart racing. Before I even had time to think, I was bolting out the door and toward the blood-curdling sound. There was no doubt in my mind that it was Izabel. Who else could it have been? We were in the middle of goddamned nowhere.
“Izabel!” I yelled. I was desperate to hear her again, unsure of which direction to head. I scanned the area closest to the cabin quickly, but didn’t see any sign of her.
I heard her scream my name, and I took off in that direction. I kept calling for her, and she kept calling back. Christ, she had gone a long way. I ran toward her, keeping my mind mostly on her but also on which way I was going so we didn’t get lost going back.
