Page 61 of Loathing Ryan
I noticed the tears starting to well in the lower lids of her eyes. She tilted her chin up, kissing me again. I threaded my fingers through her hair and held her to me as I kissed her like this was one of the last times.
When I pulled away, a single tear escaped her eye. “I love you too, Ryan.”
I brushed away the stray tear from her cheek and held her face tenderly. “Why are you crying?”
Covering her face, she shook her head. I heard her sniffle, noticing how her shoulders were shaking as she cried. I tugged at her wrists, wanting to see her face. Her eyes were red and watery when she finally let her hands drop.
“What is it?”
She shook her head. “You love me.”
I stroked my fingers down her cheek. “I do.”
“And I love you,” she sniffled. “But where do we go from here?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, my stomach sinking with dread. I knew where this conversation was going. I didn’t want to talk about what was going to happen next, but I knew we needed to.
“Your internship. You leave in less than two weeks. And I’m moving to Princeton at the end of the summer.”
“Yes,” I said, my voice solemn.
“So where do we go from here?” she asked. One of her hands found mine, and she squeezed my fingers tightly.
“I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out. I’m not ready to say goodbye to you yet.”
“I’m not either,” she whispered. “I feel like we just found each other, even though we’ve known each other for years.”
“Iloveyou, Bells. I am in love with you,” I told her, hoping she could hear the sincerity I was trying to convey. Her eyes widened and glistened with emotion as I continued. “It may not be easy, but I think we can manage.”
“A long-distance relationship?” Izabel asked incredulously. Her expression morphed into something that told me she didn’t believe what I was saying. “Halfway around the world? You think this will work?”
I shrugged and tugged on her hand, bringing her closer to me. With my free hand, I cupped the side of her jaw, running my thumb over the smooth skin of her cheek. “I have to. That’s all I can do.”
“How? It seems impossible.”
“We’ll just have to make it a priority, put in the effort. I’ll be coming home a few times a year anyway to see my mom and the new baby. You could maybe come to visit Berlin during a school break. We live in a world of technology, so it’s not like we won’t be able to get ahold of each other.”
“You’re right,” she conceded. I caught a hint of hopeful determination in her eyes as she looked at me. The wheels were turning, and I could see the plans starting to form.
“The scholarship program is for five years. After that, I’m done.”
It did seem like a long time, even as I said it out loud. We were still so young, and we had our whole lives ahead of us. We’d both be in our twenties by the time I finally moved home. She’d be finished with her degree a year before me, and she’d probably find a job and start working. I knew that it would ultimately be a blip on the radar, though it may seem like a lot while we were in it.
Bells and I had already been through so much together, though. I had every faith that we could face this challenge, just like we had the others. I just needed her to be on board with that sentiment too.
“How do I know you won’t find some German model you love more than me?” she asked me, and I could tell she was only slightly teasing.
I smirked. “Ipromiseyou, Bells. That won’t happen.”
“You can’t promise that,” she argued back. “You never know who you’ll cross paths with. Or maybe you’ll love being abroad and never want to come home.”
I shook my head and leaned forward to kiss her. When I pulled away, Izabel’s chest rose and fell, breathless.
“If I make you a promise, I will keep it,” I said firmly. “I loveyou. And now that I know what it’s like to truly love you, I couldn’t ever love anyone else.”
She wanted to tell me how ridiculous she thought this whole thing was. I suspected she didn’t believe how I could be so upbeat and positive about this situation. But I could see that my words gave her comfort. She leaned forward and hugged me, burying her face in my neck and breathing me in. I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her tightly. We clung to each other for a few minutes. I knew her brain was in overdrive, trying to think of every possible outcome of how we could make this work.
I didn’t say anything, letting her stew in her thoughts. I held her and rubbed her back, hoping it was enough to soothe some of her inner turmoil.
