Page 75 of Loathing Ryan
“Mark said?—”
“Mark said, huh?” Ryan said, cutting me off.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “What does that mean?”
“Nothing, never mind,” Ryan scowled. He pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to get ahold of his irritation. “Look, I’m really not comfortable with this. I feel like it’s important for us to get to see each other. I miss you, Bells.”
Pain shot through my sternum and right to my heart at the way his voice fell off the end of his nickname for me. I sucked in a tight breath and focused in on Ryan harder. I let his words sink in and really considered what he was saying to me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “You’re right.”
Ryan’s shoulders dropped, and his eyes softened. “I think we just need to address what’s happening here.”
“What do you mean?”
Ryan exhaled deeply and then tightened his jaw before saying, “It feels like Mark is purposefully trying to manipulate you and drive a wedge between us, and I’m worried.”
I fell silent again for a minute before saying back a little defensively, “I don’t think that’s what he’s doing. Mark’s my friend, and he figured I would want to go on this trip. That’s it.”
“Just take a step back and look at this from my perspective, yeah? I know I’m not there, but I’m still trying to hold on to you as tightly as I can. I’m worried you’re drifting away from me, and Mark’s the one pulling you farther and farther away.”
My shoulders drooped, and I looked up at the ceiling, eyes burning as Ryan finished his sentence. It hurt my heart, knowing that he was speaking the truth. A part of me wasn’t willing to admit it, but Ryan’s perspective felt accurate. When I looked back at the screen, he was watching me closely, his expression kind and understanding.
“I know this is hard, baby,” he whispered, and a few tears finally escaped from my eyes. “But that’s why we planned for you to come to Germany. If you really don’t want to come, then we can figure something else out, but I think our trip should take priority for you. I’d never tell you what to do, but this is where we are.”
“I miss you,” I said back, at a loss for any other words than how I was feeling at exactly that moment. “I feel so lost without you.”
“I know,” Ryan admitted. “But I don’t know how to make this better. Just promise me you won’t give up on us yet. Come to Berlin, please.”
I swiped at the tears on my cheeks with my hands. There was no way I could say no to Ryan. “Of course. I’ll be there, I promise.”
Ryan breathed a sigh, and I picked up on his relief. He grinned at me. “Thank you. We’ll have the best time ever.”
I forced a smile back, relaxing a bit at the familiar butterflies in my stomach from his boyish smile. He was so handsome. I just wished I could see him in person rather than over a screen.
“I love you,” I told him.
Ryan winked at me, his smile still apparent on his face. “I love you too, Bells.”
I hung up the call and took a deep breath, burying my face in my hands to settle my frayed nerves from the call. When I looked up, I saw Mark walking back to the table. Realizing I had noticed him, Mark’s face morphed into the biggest puppy dog grin I had ever seen. I couldn’t help but smile back. Throughout day-to-day life, he was the only one who was consistently here for me. I knew I always had Ryan, but getting ahold of him was not as easy as he just demonstrated today.
“Hey, how’d it go?” Mark asked as he sat down next to me.
“I’m so sorry, Mark, but I can’t. I’m going to Berlin to see Ryan.”
Mark stared at me blankly, just long enough for it to get uncomfortable, then he scoffed under his breath. “Of course, he talked you out of it.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, my defenses rising. Mark had no right talking about Ryan like that. “What does that mean?”
Mark took the bait and didn’t hold back. “It means that tool of a boyfriend of yours just manipulated you out of something thatyouwanted to do foryouso that he could have you all to himself.”
Manipulated.
Ryan’s words echoed in the back of my head; he said something very similar about Mark. “Ryan didn’tmanipulateme into anything,” I shot back, my hackles rising as I went on the offense. “Ryan loves me, and I love him. He’s my boyfriend, Mark. You can’t blame me for wanting to take every opportunity I have to be with him. It’s not your place to say anything about my relationship with him, so I’d appreciate it if you’d remember that.” Irritation started to spread through my chest, and I tightened my hands in my lap until they were aching as I tried to manage my tone.
“Whatever,” Mark scoffed again and rolled his eyes as if I was being childish. “I don’t have time to sit here and argue with you. Won’t do any good anyway. I’ve got shit to do. Maybe come talk to me when your hormones aren’t raging so hard.”
Without another word, Mark shoved back out of his seat and stormed out of the library. I stared after him, my jaw going slack. My stomach was in tight knots, and guilt loomed at the back of my mind. I knew I made the right choice listening to Ryan, but I hated seeing Mark so upset. He was my best friend. But even with that in mind, I had never witnessed such an outburst from him.
