Page 78 of Loathing Ryan
Pursing my lips to the side, I considered how best to say what was on my mind. I was always careful not to talk badly about Ryan to Mark. He was always quick to pick up on any little grievance I had with my boyfriend and turn it into something that it wasn’t.
But right now, I had no one else to talk to.
Giving a resigned sigh, I looked into Mark’s warm brown eyes and decided it was time to confide. “I’m afraid Ryan and I are growing apart.”
Mark blinked for a moment, but then gave a slow nod of his head. “And you’re feeling bad about that?”
I shrugged my shoulders and looked down. “I’m just so tired of this.”
“Izabel,” Mark started, then paused. He considered his words for a second before continuing, “I don’t think it’syourfault.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What do you mean by that?”
“I’m just saying that feeling distance is inevitable when one party has physically introduced distance into the relationship.”
My mouth went dry as I held his gaze. “You’re saying it’s Ryan’s fault?”
“Not necessarily, but you have to admit that if he had chosen to stay here, then you two wouldn’t be in this situation. You know that.”
I remained quiet, letting his words reinforce some deep, dark thoughts that had been buried in my brain.
“Izabel, you deserve someone who will be by your side through every moment of your life. The good ones and the bad ones. Not halfway across the world when you need him most.”
My stomach turned to knots, and I looked down at our hands again. His palm felt warm, and it seeped through the icy feeling in my fingers. He gave me a supportive squeeze.
I pressed my lips together, fighting off the emotions that were building behind my eyes. My chest felt too tight, and my stomach was churning.
Pulling my hands out from under his, I ran them over my face and gave a humorless chuckle. “What do I do?” I asked somewhat rhetorically.
“Just follow your heart,” Mark said, his voice a deep murmur. “Trust yourself to make the right decisions at the right time.”
I dropped my hands and looked at him again. He had a soft smile on his lips as his eyes roamed over my face. “You think I can do that?” I asked.
“I know you can do that. You’re smarter than you think. Izabel, you’re one of the best people I know, and if Ryan can’t see that from halfway across the world, then that’s on him.”
A small sliver of warmth spread through my chest, and I offered him a small smile. “Thank you, Mark.”
He winked at me. “You’re welcome. I never want you to feel like you’re in the wrong for something you have no control over.”
“Yeah,” I whispered back. A part of my heart still knew that Ryan wasn’t purposefully putting distance between us. It was just the circumstances.
“Anyway,” Mark said, brightening his tone a bit. “How about we go get something to eat and do something fun to cheer you up?”
Exhaling, I looked down at my textbooks. I really didn’t want to study anymore. I glanced up at Mark again to see he was watching me with expectation. He wanted me to say yes. I knew that this moment would end up being a catalyst, but right now, I honestly just didn’t care. I desperately craved any sliver of light within the darkness attempting to consume me. So I grasped onto the only person around to offer me that–Mark. “That sounds like a perfect idea.”
Spring— Year 3 — Ryan
“Alright, sir, here are your keys, and you’re all good to go!” the chipper receptionist said to me. I gave her a small smile and then stepped out of the building to see a slick black Honda sitting at the curb, waiting for me.
I tossed my duffle bag into the back seat, and then sat in the driver’s seat. I had to make sure it was comfortable. It was almost an hour’s drive to Princeton from the airport.
She was going to be so surprised. I couldn’t stand to wait any longer. It had been a long flight from home, but I needed to see her. Teddy had given me a long weekend off to spend some much-needed time with my girl.
I hadn’t seen Bells in way too long. I hadn’t been able to get home for the holidays this past year, and our schedules were starting to conflict more frequently now too. Our phone calls and text messages were growing more spaced out, and I felt like I was fraying apart at the edges. Even when we did get the chance to talk, it was like I could feel the thousands of miles between us.
My drive to Princeton was uneventful. I listened to the radio for as long as I could stand it, then shut it off and drove in silence.
Izabel had ended up traveling to Berlin to see me for two weeks, and it had been the best two weeks of my life. We did everything we possibly could in our short time together—catching up, sightseeing, and lots and lots of time reacquainting ourselves with each other intimately.
