Page 27 of Loathing Ryan
“You don’t think we should stay here?” she prodded. There was no hint of attitude in her tone, just pure curiosity.
“If we can make our way closer to where we went off course, they might have an easier time finding us. There are a lot of mountains out here, Bells. We’re like needles in a haystack.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” she whispered.
“Me either,” I agreed.
Silence fell over us again. Thunder rolled in the distance. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught her shivering. She was curled up in a ball, still gripping her legs tightly. She saw me watching her and then narrowed her eyes at me, but didn’t say anything. I felt the great need to apologize to her again, but I suspected that wouldn’t do any good.
We were stuck out here, together, for better or for worse. With our history, it would benefit me to stay out of her warpath.
As if she could sense what I was thinking about, she murmured so softly, “Honestly, if our actual lives weren’t at stake now, I’d probably just off you myself.”
I laughed under my breath, a little taken aback by her aggressiveness. “Damn, Bells, tell me how you really feel.”
“Okay. I can’t wait to get back, so I never have to see you again.”
Her words were like a knife to my heart. I knew I had no validation in thinking that she should feel otherwise toward me after everything we had been through at this point, but still. I never wanted her to hate me as much as she did. I had tricked myself into thinking that maybe she had had a change of heart.
I didn’t say anything back, letting myself stew. When she realized that I was going to leave her alone for the evening, she scooted a few feet away and lay down on the cold ground. Curling herself into a ball, she soon fell asleep.
Sleep wasn’t coming for me, though. All I could think about was how worried she looked when I gashed my side open on that bluff. Izabel had tended to the wound as if she was a seasoned professional. And honestly, I think she was just as surprised as me that she did. I hadn’t deserved her kindness, but she still cared for me like I did.
I remember her eyes, how they pinched together in the corners with worry, like she was concerned about a friend. Doing my best, I tried not to think too much into it. Surely, she was only doing what anyone else would do in that situation, faced with the roadblock we had been.
I could still imagine the feel of her delicate fingers running over my skin as she tightened the bandage. And I kept replaying her last words to me before she fell asleep, thinking about every interaction we had had over the years. Was there even one moment when we could have changed the course of our relationship, if I had only approached it differently? Or was it a collection of poor decisions on my part that led her to these ill feelings about me?
It was probably the latter option. All I could think about was how disappointed my father would have been if he had seen me like this. He didn’t raise me to be this person, but somehow, I still became this version of myself.
I made the decision right then and there that I would prove to Bells that there was more to me than just this front I had put up all these years.
Even if it took everything I had, I was going to prove to Bells that I was more than just the guy who ruined her summers.I was going to show her that I could be worthy of her friendship, and worthy ofher.
13
IZABEL
“Ryan,”I said as I shook his shoulder. He was out cold, still leaning up against the cave wall. “Ryan, wake up!”
With a snort, he jerked his head up to see me. He blinked a few times as his eyes focused. “What’s wrong?”
“It finally stopped raining,” I told him. “I think maybe we should go see if we can find some help.”
He yawned before pushing himself into a standing position. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
Ryan and I had decided that once the rain stopped, we would attempt to venture out on our own. I suspected it was Saturday now, meaning we had been out here for three days already with no sign of a search party. I think we were both worried that since we had gone too far off the original route, they had too much of an area to cover to look for us, so we had to try to close that distance as much as possible.
Together, we set out of the cave. However, the humidity lingered. As soon as we started walking, my skin felt damp, and sweat beaded on my forehead. With the unrelenting heat and the lack of water, I felt a headache threatening at the base of my neck. Rubbing at the muscles to knead out some of the tension, I focused on anything else but the dismal situation we were trying to get ourselves out of.
Ryan walked with a purpose to locate the river, me in his wake. When we found it, we followed the bank as best as we could, letting the flowing water be our sense of direction. I left my other shoe behind, choosing to venture barefoot rather than with one shoe. I suspected I would regret this, but there was no going back now. It was slow going, as each step Ryan took seemed to tug on his wound, and he needed to take routine breaks to catch his breath. The farther we walked, the more worn-out Ryan became. Eventually, he needed to use me as a sort of support. He wrapped his strong arm around my shoulders, leaning on me and using some of my strength.
I was starting to feel the effects of being stranded for a few days without food or water. As we continued to walk, my body was drenched with sweat, both from the heat and supporting most of Ryan’s weight. The small headache had exploded with full force, and I was doing my best not to get dizzy the farther we went. I could feel my muscles screaming at me for rest and water, but we couldn’t stop. I had to be strong and push through it.
I was more than grateful that Ryan’s wound hadn’t gotten infected in the few days we had been out here. I couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened if he had caught some flesh-eating bacteria from the river. Though I had said some nasty things to Ryan in the last few days, I didn’t actually want anything to happen to him. I’d be on my own then, and I don’t know how well that would go.
I hoped we would find somewhere new to camp out soon. We had been going for what felt like hours. My feet were becoming red and raw on the bottom from walking on the rough terrain. Ryan was still leaning some of his weight on me, using me as a crutch. It made it difficult for me to walk in pain while also trying to hold him up.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Ryan said, bringing me out of my thoughts.
