Page 39 of Loathing Ryan
I pulled away from her, and she whimpered at the distance between us. With my eyes on hers, I pushed the waistband of my swim shorts over the ridges of my hips. The whole time I gauged her reaction, watching to make sure she was still okay with what we were about to do. Izabel’s eyes went wide as soon as my shorts hit the floor. Those sapphire blues roved over every inch of me, settling on the hardness in the center of my thighs. I watched her gulp, and then her eyes flicked to mine, uncertainty flooding through them.
I closed the space between us, capturing her lips in a deep kiss. Izabel responded immediately, moving her mouth against mine and arching her back to press her breasts into my chest again. My hand was on her waist, holding her where I needed her.
Pulling away from her again, I caught her attention and held her gaze. “Are you sure you want this? If you’re not ready, we don’t have to.”
Izabel’s eyes traced my face, and she nodded. “I do. I want this. With you.”
I smiled at her and then slowly spread her legs open so I could fit between them. Holding her eyes, I moved forward, pressing us together.
Izabel’s reaction was hot. Her eyes shot open when she felt my length pressed against her warm center, and a moan slipped out of her lips. As her hips bucked up against mine, my dick slid against her heat, causing me to moan at the sensation of her soaking my tip. God, I had to feel that again. This time, I was the one who moved my hips against her, slipping through the wetness at the apex of her thighs.
Fuck,she felt incredible. I knew I was a goner after this. Izabel would own me, body and soul, but for whatever reason, I really didn’t care.
17
IZABEL
Oh my god,I thought as Ryan continued to slide his length up and down the apex of my thighs. He kept hitting my clit in a way that was slowly making me come undone all over again. I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to last.
Still, my mind started to go into overdrive. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what to do. It was just the knowledge ofwhoI was getting ready to do this with.
The insecurities of our past came crashing down on me again. Our history, our volatile relationship, replayed like a movie reel over and over in my thoughts. It consumed me. Suddenly, I felt way too exposed, way too vulnerable. Discomfort coursed through me, and my whole body trembled. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was too much. Too soon.
“Wait,” I said, pressing against his shoulders, needing space. “Ryan, wait.”
Ryan immediately stopped his movements and pulled back, his green eyes scanning my face with concern. He saw me lying there, quivering, and he frowned. “What’s wrong?”
I was still pressing against his shoulders, but was unable to utter anything. Ryan got the message, rolling off of me and sitting up. He brought me up with him in one swoop and cradled me against his chest. “Hey, shh, it’s okay,” he whispered against my hair. “I’m sorry I got carried away.”
Shaking my head, I tried to catch my breath. I pressed my cheek against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heart and letting it calm me. Slowly, I started to come down from my panic. Maybe it was the way Ryan’s hand stroked up and down my back, or maybe it was the way he held me like I was the most precious thing to him. Either way, I finally was able to say, “It wasn’t really that.”
Ryan’s eyebrows drew together as he pulled back to study me. “Then what is it?”
I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned against him again. He tightened his hold on me in response, caging me against him. “I just feel like we need to clear some things up,” I whispered. “About you. About your past with girls. I told you everything about me, but I feel like I’m going in blind.”
He sighed against my hair, pressing a kiss there. “What kinds of things do you want to know?”
Why was I bringing this upnow? This was ridiculous. I tried to backpedal. “I don’t know. It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.”
Ryan leaned back slightly and stared at me, a grave expression clouding his face. “No. Whatever it is, it is obviously bothering you. Talk to me. We can’t move forward if we are stuck in the past.”
“I just know you are,” I paused, choosing my words, “more experiencedthan I am. I’ve told you I’ve had sex before, but it was only a few times. I don’t really know what you’re expecting of me, and I don’t know if I’ll meet your standards.”
He ran one of his hands over his face and inhaled deeply. “Bells, I swear that no matter what, I’ll think you’re perfect. Your experience level doesn’t mean anything—I’m not worried about it, and you shouldn’t be either.” Ryan pressed a kiss to my temple. “I promise, already, that none of the other times I’ve slept with someone have been like this in a good way.”
“In a good way, how?”
“I mean, I never felt anything for those other girls, not like I do for you. That makes all the difference.”
My chest warmed at his words, but still, I didn’t feel completely at ease. “But what if I do something wrong or something you don’t like?”
Arms tightening around me, he leaned back so we were lying on our sides, facing each other. His hand stroked my hair and the bottom of my jaw. “Then I’ll tell you, and I hope you’ll tell me too. We’ll learn how to be good together. That’s another difference here, Bells. This is not a one-night stand. At least, I have no intention of it being that way.”
My belly fluttered at the significance of Ryan’s words. I looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but sincerity as he looked down at me. I felt the sudden urge to be closer to him, to close any remaining space between us.
As if reading my mind, Ryan leaned forward to kiss me again, slower this time. He tasted and explored my mouth with his. The heat was still there, but this kiss portrayed to me all the things Ryan was trying to tell me. My lips burned where he met them, and slowly the tension started to leave my body.
“Besides,” he whispered against me, “based on what we have learned together already, I don’t think there will be an issue of me not being interested in you.” I felt him angle his lower half against mine, and I could feel his hardness pressed against me. Heat coursed through me, and I bit back a quiet moan. “I need you to trust me, Bells. Nothing in my past matters as much as you do right now.”
