Page 100 of Liberating Bells
“Do you think part of that is not being back at work? Do you feel like you’re missing a purpose?”
I shake my head. “No, that hasn’t bothered me as much as I thought it would. I think it helps to be back to a regular routine. And," I pause, taking a deep breath, "I don’t know. Everything in my life feels different now, but sometimes it’s not in a good way.”
“Izabel,” my therapist begins, and then hesitates. My gut tightens with anxiety.
“Just say it.”
“Have you ever thought about finding closure with Mark?” She hurries on when I frown. “I know we discussed that moving your items out would serve as a sort of closure, but Mark has made such a strong negative impact on your life. I’m not terribly surprised that the idea of simply moving on isn’t working for you.”
I bunch my eyebrows together. “So then what would you suggest?”
She shrugs noncommittally. “I can’t really answer that for you. Closure can come in many different forms; it just depends on what you need to close this chapter.”
The buzzer on her alarm clock goes off, signaling that our time is up. My therapist scratches something on a piece of paperand then hands it to me. “Here, I would highly recommend making an appointment with a primary care doctor to get something to aid with your sleep. You need to get some good rest. I think we’re all set up for next week, so I look forward to meeting with you then.”
She hands me the referral, and then I shuffle out of her office. Ryan’s waiting for me in the waiting room, just like he has every session since I’ve started. He’s still scrolling through emails—he tells me 70% of his job is email correspondence, the other 30% is paperwork. Green eyes meet mine when he hears me come out, and he offers me a crooked smile.
“How’d it go?” Ryan asks, standing up as I walk over to him.
First thing’s first: I stand on my tiptoes once I reach him and press my lips to his in a scorching kiss. Ryan sighs happily as his hand snakes around my waist.
I pull back with a smile. “Hi.”
“Hey, pretty girl,” he says, smirking before leaning down and pecking me again. When he pulls back, one eyebrow is raised. “So?”
I shrug and hitch my purse over my shoulder. “It was okay. She gave me a lot to think about.”
“Good things?”
I shrug. “I’m not really sure. She thinks I need closure.”
There’s no sense in hiding anything from Ryan. He’s seen me at my best and at my worst, and all the spots in between. I give him the rundown of our therapy sessions each time. He’s the protecting, providing type. And by letting him in on where I’m at mentally, I know that he feels like we’re on even ground. He can be exactly what I need him to be.
“Closure,” he mutters softly. “How do you do that?”
“I’m not sure,” I say again. “I guess I need to figure it out.”
He leans forward and kisses my cheek, before pulling my purse off my arm and shouldering it himself. “Well, whatever you need, I’ll do it.”
My stomach flutters, and I grin at him. “I love you.”
Ryan looks at me tenderly, reaching up to tuck a strand of loose hair behind my ear. “I love you too, Bells. More than you could ever know.”
He offers me his hand, and I take it, holding tightly to him as we walk down to the car. “Well, you ready to do this? Face the parents?”
My stomach tightens, and I clench my jaw, feeling the joint pop from the added tension.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, but I know it’s what we need to do. I’ll go with you on one condition,” I say, making my voice sound light. Ryan’s lips twitch as he waits for the punchline. “I could really use a chocolate milkshake to cheer me up.”
He tosses his head back with a laugh, and then drapes his arm across my shoulder, pulling my body close into his. “I think I can make that happen, just for you, Bells.”
Once we get settled in the car, Ryan finds a McDonald’s to drive through. He buys me my large chocolate milkshake and some fries after I insisted. Then he gets a double cheeseburger for himself and an unsweet tea for us to share.
I don’t waste any time being polite; I take a big sip of the milkshake and moan happily.
“Good?” Ryan teases me.
“This is exactly what I needed. A little confidence booster,” I say, looking at the milkshake cup for a second before popping off the top. I reach for two or three fries and then dip it in the chocolatey goodness before popping them in my mouth. Ryan makes a noise next to me, and I turn on him.
