Page 17 of Liberating Bells
Josie’s hands trail up and down my back gently. “What’s wrong, Ryan?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing,” I say as I shake my head, convincing myself of that fact as I lean down to kiss her again. I pull her tightly to me, closing any remaining distance between us. Skin against skin. I meld my lips to hers, feeling her move against me. She sighs into my mouth, and I continue where we left off, forcing memories of a brown-haired, blue-eyed woman out of my mind.
I let myself get lost in Josie.
When we’re both sated, she rolls onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow. I turn to look at her, noting her hazel eyes watching me intently.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she says back, a little too quickly.
I arch an eyebrow at her. “Tell me.”
“I can just tell you’ve got a lot on your mind.”
What the—is she talking shit on my performance now? Before I have the chance to protest, Josie holds up a hand.
“It’sokay, Ryan. I’m no stranger to being tangled up in knots. I understand. I’m just saying if you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” I respond.
Josie gives me a smile, and then closes the distance between us, snuggling up in my arms and resting her head against my chest.
Her fingers trace patterns over my skin until she falls asleep. Even as her breathing evens out, I think about her words.
She’s right; I am tangled up in knots inside. It has nothing to do with the beautiful woman lying in my arms tonight, but rather about the woman I’ll likely never get the chance to hold again.
There’s something to be said about regret, how it eats you up inside and festers until it consumes you.
That’s how I feel right now.
I close my eyes and lean into Josie, resting my nose against her forehead and praying to all the stars above that I can maybe, someday, get over Izabel and find someone to fill the void.
7
RYAN
The next monthpasses in the blink of an eye as I stay busy with work. Clients start pouring in, thanks to the referrals I keep getting from Teddy and my other contacts at Bates Industries. I am quickly getting to the point where I may need an associate—not necessarily a bad thing.
When I’m not working, I’m spending time with my mom and Derek or babysitting Thalia. Mom is still going through her chemotherapy regimen and being monitored closely by her doctors. Her next scan is in a few weeks, then we’ll know whether cancer has diminished or spread. All we can do is wait.
And when I’m not busy with work or with my family, Josie keeps me occupied.
Josephine DiMarco turned out to be just the firecracker I initially pegged her as.
We went on a total of two dates before she gave it to me straight. We were walking at the local park, hand-in-hand. Only knowing each other for a little over a week, she had stopped our walk abruptly and turned to me.
“This isn’t going to work,” she said, looking at me straight in the eye. “You’re handsome and kind, Ryan Miller. But,”she paused, taking a deep breath, “I know you’re in love with someone else.”
I let out a rush of air and squeezed her hand. It was no use denying it, I’m sure she would’ve seen right through me. So instead, I was truthful. “I’m sorry. I wish I wasn't.”
She shook her head and gave me a small smile. “Don’t be. If I’m honest, it’s just as much me as it is you. I wish you were the guy for me, but I don’t think you are. There’s no,” she paused, waving her hand around, “spark.”
When I didn’t reply, she looked at me wryly. "I mean, don't get me wrong, you're great...but I don't think it was meant to be between us."
I reluctantly agreed. There was nothing I wanted more than to feel for Josie the way I felt for Izabel. But I was confident that no matter how many dates we went on, or how often we hooked up, it wouldn’t happen. Josie was beautiful and funny and literally everything I could ever want in a woman, but she wasn’t Bells. And I hated myself for that.
It had been decided then. We would still hang out and spend time together since we both enjoyed each other’s company. But we wouldn’t continue to pursue any type of relationship other than friends.
